Your Mama I Am, Your Daddy I Am, In The Alley That Sam I Am

Cholesterol and Trichinosis.Title: “Green Eggs and Ham”

Author: Dr. Seuss

Rank: 58

Blurb: “Sam keeps asking persistently.”


A local dealer pressures a buyer into ingesting a strange substance for “free”. During 80% of the book, the protagonist clearly says “No”, but the substance dealer continues to pressure. In the end the protagonist is defeated, ingests the substance, and shows signs of addiction proclaiming outrageous ways in which he’ll take this new substance. There is no evidence that the antagonist will continue to provide free samples of the substance once the main character is addicted.

This is done in rhyme & marketed to children.

Customers Also Bought: A violent picturebook about assaulting fathers.

Footnote: Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of your diet.

Green Eggs and Ham [Amazon]

Buy or Die [Stinque@Amazon Kickback Link]

Practical Studies in Analog Entry Methodology

Ink Different.Title: “Handwriting: Printing, Grades Preschool and Up”

Author: Brighter Child

Rank: 99

Blurb: “Children will have fun learning to print!”

Review: “I expected something different, I guess, but this is just lined paper with a line of capital letters to trace at the top, and half-way down, a line of lower-cased letters to trace of the same letter. It’s not very engaging for my son.”

Customers Also Bought: “Handwriting Without Tears Block Paper”

Footnote: Although we learned to type in junior high — in a classroom filled with girls — we spent most of our adult life as a voracious consumer of pocket notebooks and pens. Until five years ago. When we bought an iPad. We don’t even write checks any more. It’s all online. At what point does handwriting become as quaint as another of our junior-high classes, taking apart and reassembling a lawnmower engine?

Handwriting: Printing [Amazon]

Buy or Die [Stinque@Amazon Kickback Link]


How many plops can you count?Title: “P is for Potty!”

Author: Sesame Street

Rank: 88

Blurb: “It’s the perfect mix of fun and learning for potty-training toddlers — especially as they practice sitting on the potty!”

Review: “Pirate Potty has a great breakdown of all the steps for going potty in a fun pirate theme”

Customers Also Bought: “Sesame Street Elmo Adventure Potty Chair”

Footnote: You have to wonder how many vagrants pee on Oscar’s trash can.

P is for Potty! [Amazon]

Buy or Die [Stinque@Amazon Kickback Link]

Penalty for Early Withdrawal

Returned for Insufficient Fun.Title: “Sex Checks: 60 Checks for Maintaining Balance in the Bedroom”

Author: Potter Style

Rank: 78

Blurb: “Issued by the ‘World Bank of Savings and Love’ these playful checks offer a diverse portfolio of options for the shy and adventurous alike.”

Review: “Super cute and very sturdy”

Customers Also Bought: “Star Wars Date Night Darth Vader Plush Toy”

Footnote: Modern couples prefer Touch ID.

Sex Checks [Amazon]

Buy or Die [Stinque@Amazon Kickback Link]

Because Stinqueness

The brown stains indicate Dishness.

Nice to get one in before he goes.

Secret #1: Experiment On Your Children

Please, Mom, I want some more.Title: “Living Well, Spending Less: 12 Secrets of the Good Life”

Author: Ruth Soukup

Rank: 80

Blurb: “Through personal stories, biblical truth, and practical action plans, she will inspire you to make real and lasting changes to your personal goals, home, and finances.”

Excerpt: “Not until I observed firsthand the real and immediate changes in my kids after getting rid of their toys did I truly begin to understand.”

Review: “The title of this book should be: ‘Long-winded stories about the mistakes I made in my quest for a designer lifestyle.’ I can’t relate to the author’s life at all. She has some social anxiety issues that had her moving her family to new cities frequently, and then the kicker was when she said her husband became a stay-at-home dad so she could BLOG. DO WHAT? And I am to take FINANCIAL advice from this woman?”

Customers Also Bought: “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying”

Footnote: Let’s see what happens when those kids reach their Twenties.

Living Well, Spending Less [Amazon]

Buy or Die [Stinque@Amazon Kickback Link]

Old Man Yells at Cloud

I make the pussy purr with the stroke of my hand.Title: “God, Guns, Grits, and Gravy”

Author: Mike Huckabee

Rank: 74

Blurb: “Mike Huckabee asks, ‘Have I been taken to a different planet than the one on which I grew up?'”

Review: “As far as Mike Huckabee is concerned this certainly isn’t the America that he grew up in. Common sense seems to be gone with the wind. Standards of decency, patriotism, religious freedom, the Second Amendment and respect for the other person’s point of view have all come under increasing attack by progressives in what he refers to as ‘Bubble-ville’ (New York, Los Angeles and Washington, DC). Why if you dare to give your child a well-deserved spanking then you might be labelled as some sort of Neanderthal. Parents are not supposed to have rules, expectations, consequences or a paddle.”

Customers Also Bought: “God & Guns” by Lynyrd Skynyrd

Footnote: We’re just four years younger than Nugent’s bass player, and this isn’t the America we grew up in, either. The America we grew up in was enduring a winless decade-long war, civil-rights struggles, attempts to restrict voting, resistance to healthcare expansion, venal Republican Presidential candidates—

Oh, wait.

God, Guns, Grits, and Gravy [Amazon]

Buy or Die [Stinque@Amazon Kickback Link]