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Episode VII: Groundhog Day

Episode IX: When Cousins MarryTitle: “Star Wars: The Force Awakens Visual Dictionary”

Author: Pablo Hidalgo

Rank: 44

Blurb: “Beautiful photography and clear, authoritative text by Lucasfilm insider Pablo Hidalgo names and explains all the details of costumes, weapons, and accessories.”

Review: “The first few pages clear up some plot problems in the movie.”

Customers Also Bought: Handsome bonuses for Disney executives.

Footnote: Throwing in a whiny Millennial kid was some brilliant generational trolling.

The Force Awakens Visual Dictionary [Amazon]

Our Unreconstructed Felons

I blame Society.Title: “Stealing America: What My Experience with Criminal Gangs Taught Me about Obama, Hillary, and the Democratic Party”

Author: Dinesh D’Souza

Rank: 507 (Politics rank: 35)

Epically Self-Righteous Blurb:

In the fall of 2014, outspoken author and filmmaker Dinesh D’Souza found himself hauled into federal court for improperly donating money to an old friend’s Senate campaign. D’Souza pleaded guilty and was sentenced to eight months in a state-run confinement center. There he lived among hardened criminals — drug dealers, thieves, gangbangers, rapists, and murderers. Now the bestselling author explains how this experience not only changed his life, but fundamentally transformed his view of his adopted country.

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Hinckley’s Accomplice

Shoot Happens.Title: “Killing Reagan: The Violent Assault That Changed a Presidency”

Authors: Bill O’Reilly and Martin Dugard

Rank: 20

Blurb: “A page-turning epic account of the career of President Ronald Reagan that tells the vivid story of his rise to power — and the forces of evil that conspired to bring him down.”

Review: “First of all, Reagan didn’t die.”

Customers Also Bought: “The Time of Our Lives” by Peggy Noonan

Guest Footnote:

Under America’s loose federal gun control law Hinckley could buy a handgun from any one of 160,000 dealers or pawnbrokers…

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I Have to Wee Wee in the Jar Jar

Meesa horny.Title: “Star Wars Little Golden Book Library”

Rank: 47

Blurb: “Featuring stunning retro illustrations, this boxed set of six Little Golden Books is perfect for Star Wars fans of all ages!”

Review: “My 3-year old son is straight-up obsessed with these books. We used them as rewards during potty training. He goes an entire day wearing underpants and staying dry he gets a book.”

Customers Also Bought: “12 Monkeys”

Footnote: Please tell us the rumors about J.J. Abrams stuffing Jar Jar’s severed head in the desert are true.

Star Wars Little Golden Book Library [Amazon]

Frightline

America’s infrastructure is sufficiently dangerous through lack of maintenance.Title: “Lights Out: A Cyberattack, A Nation Unprepared, Surviving the Aftermath”

Author: Ted Koppel

Rank: 47

Blurb: “In this New York Times bestselling investigation, Ted Koppel reveals that a major cyberattack on America’s power grid is not only possible but likely, that it would be devastating, and that the United States is shockingly unprepared.”

Review: “As an individual who works in the space, Ted Koppel is full of it and himself. This book was written without the input of any expert or subject matter expert. Individuals with titles like ‘General’ and ‘Director’ may sound impressive but in reality know very little about cyber security. This would be like going to your local Geek Squad and asking them to help you troubleshoot a circuit you were building from scratch.”

Customers Also Bought: Prepper, Prepper, Prepper, Prepper, Prepper.

Footnote: For someone who made his national reputation fanning the flames of the Iran hostage crisis, we’re not surprised Ted Koppel would resort to this.

Lights Out [Amazon]

It’s the Oligarchy, Stupid

Diary of a Wimpy Kid’s Father.Title: “Destiny and Power: The American Odyssey of George Herbert Walker Bush”

Author: Jon Meacham

Rank: 25

Blurb: “Drawing on President Bush’s personal diaries, on the diaries of his wife, Barbara, and on extraordinary access to the forty-first president and his family, Meacham paints an intimate and surprising portrait of an intensely private man who led the nation through tumultuous times.”

Review: “He may have been dealt a harsh blow by his debacle in the 1992 Presidential election which he lost decisively to someone he considered a ‘draft dodger’ for avoiding Vietnam War, but I’m sure history will treat him kindly and remember him as one of the best presidents America has ever had.”

Customers Also Bought: “The Triumph of William McKinley: Why the Election of 1896 Still Matters” by Karl Rove

Footnote: Two words: Dan Quayle.

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The Ben Curve

Slime! From New York!Title: “Crippled America: How to Make America Great Again”

Author: Donald Trump

Rank: 23

Blurb: “Look at the state of the world right now. It’s a terrible mess, and that’s putting it mildly. There has never been a more dangerous time.”

Review: “I have yet to read the book, but included in my order was a hand written note that stated ‘you are truly idiotio for purchasing this book F*** you’.”

Customers Also Bought: “Stealing America: What My Experience with Criminal Gangs Taught Me about Obama, Hillary, and the Democratic Party” by Dinesh D’Souza

Footnote: We’re sorry — who are you again? You say you’re running for President? You the supplement shill with the pyramids and the Jesus buddy painting and the stabbed friend and advice for armed robbers to shoot helpless clerks? No? Never mind.

Crippled America [Amazon]