Chronicle of Our Life Foretold

Every era needs its Eeyore.Title: “Grumpy Cat 2015 Wall Calendar”

Author: Grumpy Cat

Rank: 61

Blurb: “Bonus page includes Sep-Dec 2014 overview.”

Review: “Looking forward to seeing Grumpy every day starting next year.”

Customers Also Bought: “Grumpy Cat Earbuds

Footnote: Any time you think things can’t get any worse, just check the date.

Grumpy Cat 2015 Wall Calendar [Amazon]

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Go Away, Or We Shall Taunt You a Second Time

The Fountainheadache.Title: “The Motivation Manifesto”

Author: Brendon Burchard

Rank: 82

Blurb: “The Motivation Manifesto is a pulsing, articulate, ferocious call to claim our personal power. World-renowned high performance trainer Brendon Burchard reveals that the main motive of humankind is the pursuit of greater Personal Freedom. We desire the grand liberties of choice — time freedom, emotional freedom, social freedom, financial freedom, spiritual freedom. Only two enemies stand in our way: an external enemy, defined as the social oppression of who we are by the mediocre masses, and an internal enemy, a sort of self-oppression caused by our own doubt and fear.”

Review: “It’s a deep look at our inner psychology — what holds us back and how can we rewire our brains to break through our fears to live daily in a fully charged and inspired state.”

Customers Also Bought: “The 21-Day Consciousness Cleanse”

Footnote: If your only external enemy is social oppression by the mediocre masses, and not actual oppression by the armed and uniformed masses, what are you complaining about?

The Motivation Manifesto [Amazon]

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Sort Story

Revenge of the Dust Bunnies.Title: “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing”

Author: Marie Kondo

Rank: 68

Blurb: “With detailed guidance for determining which items in your house ‘spark joy’ (and which don’t), this international bestseller featuring Tokyo’s newest lifestyle phenomenon will help you clear your clutter and enjoy the unique magic of a tidy home — and the calm, motivated mindset it can inspire.”

Review: “My one quibble with her instructions has to do with folding. I’ve always disliked rolls of items.”

Customers Also Bought: “The Meaning of Human Existence” by Edward O. Wilson

Footnote: Or, as our Dad taught us, throw everything into a giant box and shove it into the garage.

The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up [Amazon]

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Not All Alaskans

Our mother recently discovered a photo of our grandfather’s high-school basketball team. This in itself was a surprise, since we had no idea Grandpa played basketball. Or, for that matter, that he was once young, because the eternal role of grandparents is to seem unbelievably old to their grandchildren.

Douglas High School won 12 of 16 games that year, almost doubling their opponents’ points, then went on to take the league championship.

The year was 1923. Douglas was, and is, in Juneau, Alaska, where both our mother and godmother grew up. Close friends, they would leave for college together, and eventually raise families within a short drive of each other. We watched the first Moon landing from our godparents’ house.

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Whos on First

You’re a mean one, with an unconvincing character arc.Title: “How the Grinch Stole Christmas!”

Author: Dr. Seuss

Rank: 61

Blurb: “The Grinch, whose heart is two sizes too small, hates Who-ville’s holiday celebrations, and plans to steal all the presents to prevent Christmas from coming. To his amazement, Christmas comes anyway, and the Grinch discovers the true meaning of the holiday.”

Review: “I don’t get the story. What makes it so good? I love how the Grinch is sooooo bad, but am extremely disapointed how quickly his little heart turns to mush.”

Customers Also Bought: The cartoon, of course.

Footnote: And what’s the deal with Little Red Riding Hood? Have you ever looked at a wolf? Does a wolf even vaguely resemble a human? And speaking of wolves, do you have any idea how much wind it takes to knock down a wooden structure? Magic realism has gone too far.

How the Grinch Stole Christmas! [Amazon]

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President Palin, meet President Quayle.Title: “41: A Portrait of My Father”

Author: George W. Bush

Rank: 2

Blurb: “Never before has a President told the story of his father, another President, through his own eyes and in his own words.”

Review: “GHW Bush was the last of the true gentlemen to hold the office of President.”

Customers Also Bought: “George W. Bush Bobblehead”

Footnote: True Gentlemen leave the messy business to Lee Atwater.

41 [Amazon]

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Everything But The Fish-Slapping Dance

Life got you down? Country swirling around the drain? Planet about to finally fulfill the promise of Seventies apocalyptic movies? We have a cure for what ails ya.