nojo

An Illustrated Guide to the Proper Use of “Yakety Sax”

Also, one should know by now never to violate a Siamese’s space.

Trippin’ USA

I’m stoned out of my head.Title: “Rush Revere and the First Patriots: Time-Travel Adventures With Exceptional Americans”

Author: Rush Limbaugh

Rank: 1

Blurb: “Whoa there, young historians! Before we go rush, rush, rushing off anywhere, I’d like a moment. I’m Liberty, Rush Revere’s loquacious equine companion — his trusty talking horse! Always at the ready to leap from the twenty-first century into America’s past, that’s me. When he says ‘Let’s go!’ I’m so there. I’m jazzed, I’m psyched, I’m—”

Review: “Was that Rush Limbaugh singing on the audio!?”

Customers Also Bought: “Not Cool: The Hipster Elite and Their War on You” by Greg Gutfeld

Footnote: We’re starting to understand OxyContin.

Rush Revere and the First Patriots [Amazon]

Buy or Die [Stinque@Amazon Kickback Link]

I’ll Sniff Your Butt If You Lick My Balls

Now come here and give us a big kiss.

[via Sully]

Raging Bullies

I piss on you from a marginally greater height.Title: “The 48 Laws of Power”

Author: Robert Greene

Rank: 88

Blurb: “For those who want power, watch power, or want to arm themselves against power, The 48 Laws of Power is ‘The Rules for suits’.”

Review: “It does not matter if you want to play the game or not, you are in it.”

Customers Also Bought: “The Art Of War” by Sun Tzu

Footnote: There is only one law of power: Those who possess it will wield it to their advantage. The rest is footnotes.

The 48 Laws of Power [Amazon]

Buy or Die [Stinque@Amazon Kickback Link]

Carpe Diem, Bitch

Do dogs get brain freezes? Apparently not.

[via Sully]

You Are Old: A Continuing Series

Kids today will never have the experience of being at home, listening to the radio, hearing “I’ll take the second caller,” and instantly knowing you’re totally fucked.

[via Know Your Meme]

Seven of Them Dirty

100. “Onomatopoeia”Title: “First 100 Words”

Author: Roger Priddy

Rank: 17

Blurb: “Your little one will soon learn some essential first words and pictures with this bright board book.”

Review: “Great portable, chew- and eating-resistant picture book.”

Customers Also Bought: “Caza Trail Single Serve Cup for Keurig K-Cup Brewers”

Footnote: Vince Grove taught us “fuck” in third grade. Hilarity Ensued when Mom arrived to pick us up from the playground, and Vince tried to snitch on us while we loudly talked over him. For some reason we remained friends with Vince for three more years.

First 100 Words [Amazon]

Buy or Die [Stinque@Amazon Kickback Link]