Other Useful Exposure Notifications

  • You have been exposed to someone who bought a bluecheck on Twitter
  • You have been exposed to someone who will spend precious moments chatting with the cashier
  • You have been exposed to someone who had chili for lunch

  • You have been exposed to yourself in an alternate timeline
  • You have been exposed to someone you told you were somewhere else
  • You have been exposed to someone you cut in front of on the highway
  • You have been exposed to someone who saw what you did
  • You have been exposed to someone you haven’t texted back
  • You have been exposed to someone who has their exposure notification set to you
  • You have been exposed to someone who died five years ago

Can we get a proof of life from Merrique “let them eat endless investigations” Garlandtoinette? Like a photo of him with today’s paper?

America Is An Out-Of-Touch Gerontocracy, And I’m Glad I Don’t Live There

“These has-been baby boomers running America still think it’s 1950, for Christ’s sake. To be fair, that’s probably the last year they clearly remember. Almost everyone in power harbors open contempt for the younger generations who will actually be stuck living in the world they’ve created.

If I were a young American today, I’d feel hopeless. Thank God I was born on the other side of the world and am currently spending my teen years apprenticed to a barge pilot on the Suez Canal, where I steer my cargo to and fro, to and fro.

Americans worry about getting shot at the supermarket or going bankrupt after a visit to the hospital, yet their enfeebled, elderly leaders have the gall to keep braying about America being the greatest country on earth. Are they truly that clueless, or are they just fucking evil? Either way, they’re holding the future of the world and everyone in it hostage.

Why Americans put up with such corrupt, stone-hearted politicians is beyond this 12-year-old Cameroonian boy’s understanding. Those of us who don’t have to live in that fearful failed state ruled by the most senile fucking people on earth ought to be thankful. Even a reigning Eurovision Song Contest winner like me—one who sings like a bird, like a sweet bird as she greets the morning with clear eyes and unburdened heart—knows that.”


I saw that Casa Bonita is reopening in Denver OMGOMGOMG!!

Y’all are so lucky–it’ll be mass hysteria and impossible to get a table for months, but if it ever calms down it’ll be the most incredible place dine.

@¡Andrew!: So that’s not the waterpark? Been here eight years, still get my landmarks confused.

@nojo: Apparently they have cliff divers to entertain patrons while they enjoy their meals.
Mr. A! grew up with Casa Bonita in Little Rock, and it was way more important than church.

@¡Andrew!: Ahhh, Trey & Matt bought it out of bankruptcy, dumped a pile of South Park cash in it. That’s where I’ve been hearing about it.

Add a Comment
Please log in to post a comment