Glenn Beck Looks and Sounds Like an Immense Whining Four-Eyed Maggot

Glenn Beck is a piece of shit, yes, a piece of shit that would gag a maggotSlate columnist Christopher Hitchens was lucid enough this week to point out that Glenn Beck’s weekend tantrum on the mall was expressive of white terror at being overwhelmed by growing populations of non-whites. Hitchens observed of the crowd’s pathetic attempt at rousing solidarity:

The numbers were impressive enough on their own, but the overall effect was large, vague, moist, and undirected: the Waterworld of white self-pity.

White Fright [Slate]

That’s all true but misses the most important aspect of the of the teabagger festival of hate and rage:

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The Sarah Palin Bookshelf

Oh, and let’s call this a Mission Accomplished Again Open Thread while we’re here.

How We Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the WorldNetDaily Radiation Detector

Our afternoon guest columnist is WND publisher and mustache-wax hoarder Joseph Farah.

The Boy Scouts’ motto says it all: “Be Prepared!”

But in an era in which the threats to your safety include mass acts of terror, suicide bombers and potential nuclear and biological attacks, it’s easy to feel that in some situations, no amount of preparation will make the slightest bit of difference.

Actually, even amid such catastrophic circumstances, the smallest act of preparation could make all the difference for you and your loved ones. Through a tiny but powerful technological device, you can accurately and instantly measure if you’ve been exposed to radiation and know whether you need to seek medical treatment.

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The Terrorist Plot to Poison Our Youth with High-Fructose Corn Syrup is Working…

“What we were finding was that the soldiers we’re getting in today’s Army are not in as good shape as they used to be,” said Lt. Gen. Mark Hertling, who oversees basic training for the Army. “This is not just an Army issue. This is a national issue.” [NYT, via Daring Fireball]

Self-Hagiography Will Make You Go Blind

We understand that political ads are onanistic by nature, but dayum, Cantor must have cramped his wrist on this one.

[via ThinkProgress]

Let the Bedbugs Bite

The new York Times has a fascinating article on the sudden return of the common bedbug after an apparent absence of 40 nearly years. It is an engaging read, very educational and loaded with information on this curious creature (did you know that unlike cockroaches or mosquitoes, bedbugs are not known to spread disease?)

But the most fascinating moment in the article (for yours truly) comes when we learn about the laboratory strain upon which most research is performed. And what’s most interesting about this strain, probably, is the way it has been lovingly cultivated by a dedicated, nameless Army researcher:

The classic bedbug strain that all newly caught bugs are compared against is a colony originally from Fort Dix, N.J., that a researcher kept alive for 30 years by letting it feed on him.

Your’e welcome, Stinquers. Not stop complaining about your job and get back to work… SLACKERS!!!

Dances With Sheryll

Our guest video descriptionist this morning is Sheryll, a Familiar claiming to be descended from Boye, Prince Rupert’s suspicious canine companion in the English Civil War.

Hi, I’m Sheryll! You may remember me from such recent videos as “I’m Not Helping Spike Strobe the Attic Lights,” “Spike Kicks Me Out of His Way Because He’s Working,” and “Spike Doesn’t Remember When I Turned Into a Hideous Salt Monster Because I Glamoured Him (Which Doesn’t Make Me a Vampire, Despite What You’ve Heard).” You also may remember me from last night, when I looked back at you from your mirror, although — mmmmmmmmm — you don’t remember that at all, do you? Course not. Never happened.

Anyway, I’ve been invited to describe Spike’s latest chef d’oeuvre (Yes, I speak French. Northern Minnesota’s this close to Quebec. If you don’t count Ontario), apparently because some people who won’t be named (don’t look in your mirrors tonight, chiennes) insist that this website cease and desist from posting them.

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