Tuesday’s award for Best Harbinger of Apocalypse goes to Wendy Wright, president of Concerned Women for America, who in the wake of the Vermont veto override coughed up a holy hairball:

Vermont legislators’ futile attempt to replace God by vainly redefining marriage eerily follows how that first man and woman acted on the first temptation — and the root of all temptations — to act as if they were gods. That one decision by Adam and Eve to believe that they could ‘be like God’ separated them from God, destroyed the peace that they had experienced, and ushered in what some would call ‘unintended consequences’ of pain and destruction.

We’re fascinated by her choice of Genesis 3 as the scripture du jour. Among other things, that’s where the Lord created Zombies, since he cast Adam and Eve from the Garden before they could nosh on the Tree of Life. No death, no undead.

But we’ll save the Zombie Exegesis for Sunday.

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Read, but you should go listen to the story – it’s pretty amazing.

All Things Considered, April 7, 2009 · An ammunition shortage in the U.S. is affecting police and sheriffs’ departments all over the country, as well as gun dealers, from big retailers like Wal-Mart to smaller family-run businesses and online operations.

Ammunition suppliers say the shortage is due to several factors, including the sheer volume of ammunition heading overseas to fight wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. But they also say the shortage — as well as a sharp rise in gun sales — coincided with the election of President Obama, fueled by fears his administration would usher in more restrictive gun laws.

He’s coming to take your guns snakehandlers!

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Via Sully, a YouTube clip of Antwerp’s rail station making the rounds. We’d let it pass, except for this in the comments:

I think i’d laugh at first then be worried it’s contageous and it was the first sign of a zombie apocalypse and then bail… (hottubmolly)

The world is seeking answers, and we’ll provide them Sunday.

Centraal Station Antwerpen gaat uit zijn dak! [YouTube]

There’s a theory about Bill Kristol and his brief tenure as columnist for the New York Times (and before you object to my use of the adjective “brief,” please note that a root canal typically only takes about a half hour to an hour even though it feels like an eternity, and that William Safire, by contrast, spent 32 years as a Times columnist). The theory is that Kristol actually viewed his Times column with contempt; that he put little if any effort into his writings, “phoning them in,” as it were, and picking up a handsome paycheck for an average of fifteen minutes of work per week. Let’s call this theory the “laughing all the way to the bank” theory of William Kristol.

But there’s another theory about William Kristol’s output during that time, that I’d like to call the “no, you see, Kristol really is that stupid” theory. According to this theory, William Kristol did, in fact, devote himself to his column with an admirable sense of dedication and due respect for the position he had filled as one of the Times two regular conservative columnists. It’s just that he’s really, really stupid.

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Back when we were first introduced to America’s Talibunny, there was an anecdote making the rounds about Sarah Palin’s first run for Wasilla mayor. Wasilla, you’ll recall, is a small town, only 5,500 lost souls in 2000. And the anecdote came from the famous Anne Kilkenny email about Sarah Barracuda before the fame:

She has bitten the hand of every person who extended theirs to her in help. The City Council person who personally escorted her around town introducing her to voters when she first ran for Wasilla City Council became one of her first targets when she was later elected Mayor.

The New York Times followed that up with a long story and telling summary:

Throughout her political career, she has pursued vendettas, fired officials who crossed her and sometimes blurred the line between government and personal grievance.

And then there was Troopergate, but we’ll pass over that and head straight to the statement issued in Palin’s name Friday:

“We’re disappointed that Levi and his family, in a quest for fame, attention and fortune, are engaging in flat-out lies, gross exaggeration, and even distortion of their relationship.”

We’re enjoying the trailer-trash soap opera as much as anyone, but let’s get some facts straight.

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My Money, You Sick Gangster, My Money and They'll Be No Trouble

Banking has indeed changed since Reagan declared America’s financial system was open for looting. In fact, what used to be a relatively consumer friendly system has been transformed, most dramatically at the money center banks, into a rapacious house of horrors in which usary laws have been essentially repealed and retail customers regarded as suckers ready to be stomped unconscious and ass-raped into quivering comas.

Your balance dipped below $100,000? Oh, hey, sorry, asshole, but the poor are deeply fucking offensive and maintaining a piece of shit account like that is going to cost you.  Didn’t keep track of the fact that we changed the due date and grace period on your credit card 16 times in 11 months and you paid late?  Shame you can’t pay fucking attention, asshole, because you’ve exposed yourself as a bad risk and are subject to 550% interest. Oh, you’re going to cancel the card? Try it, fuckface, just try it and we’ll file a credit report that will have the sorry fucks holding your note calling it in and putting you on the street so fast your spine will stop flying a half hour after you come to rest.

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Twisted Jesus Freak Juan Alberto Ovalle Bagged On His Way to Meet Agent Posing as Nearly Pre-pubescent Girl, as Sick as He Is Jesufied, As If There Is a Fuckng Difference. Die, Alberto! Die!

Focus on the Family’s own Voice of Jesus, Juan Alberto Ovalle, was bagged by the Jefferson County, CO. District Attorney’s Office on his way to meet a near-pre-teen girl on Monday, a blithe, alluring and dewy vessel of pre-womanhood – who turned out to be a cop who had to listen to him describe how she was going to sit on his face –  and arrested for unspeakable monstrosities.

Ovalle, narrator of the snakehandler cult’s bible CDs for Spanish language Jesus freaks, has been arrested on suspicion of using the Internet to arrange sex with a teenage girl and attempted sexual assault on a child.  The assholes from Focus on the Family pretended to be surprised, as if this isn’t part of the whole fucking snakehandler ethos. “We’re shocked,” Focus on the Family prevaricator in residence, Gary Schneeberger, told the Denver Post, no doubt to peels of laughter.

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