Conan O’Brien opens “The Legally Prohibited From Being Funny on Television Tour” in Eugene. Eugene, Oregon. Nojo’s ancestral home. That one. Local-humor pronunciation guide: “You-GENE”, “Orygun”, “Wil-LAM-met”. [Eugene Register-Guard]

Glenn Beck, desperately trying to change the subject from his spurned affair with Eric Massa, blows the lid off a Shocking! conspiracy known only to Socialists who listen to popular-song lyrics:

How many of us go the Fourth of July fireworks display, we see the fireworks blasting, exploding in the air, and we hear “Born in the USA” by Bruce Springsteen, and we’re like, Yeah! Born in the USA! And you get filled with patriotic pride, and then you find out that Bruce Springsteen’s “Born in the USA” is anti-American!

Beck, who would have been twenty in 1984, clearly had access to better drugs than we did. Nobody told Ronnie’s Kids to mindlessly chant a palpably antiwar song — they did that all on their own. The rest of us have been laughing our asses off at them for twenty-six years.

Beck and crew call Springsteen’s “Born in the U.S.A.” “anti-American” [Media Matters]

Huh? What? Damn. We know better than to doze off while reading Hollywood news.

Senate GOP: Parliamentarian Says Health Bill Must Become Law Before Fix [Plum Line]

A new ‘Wizard of Oz’ could make its way down the Hollywood road [LAT]

Johnny Weir excluded from Stars on Ice Tour because he’s “not family friendly”. Stars on Ice Tour excluded from our family because it’s too fucking gay. Except for Mom. [GLAAD, via ThinkProgress]

[People of Walmart, via RML]

New York may ban salt from restaurant food. We just need a flimsy excuse to run a teeny picture of the Star Trek Salt Monster. [MyFoxNY]

Tiger Woods hires Ari Fleischer as advisor. Invasion of Arnold Palmer Invitational imminent. [NY Post]