We hate Raw Story. We hate Raw Story because they got to the Old Spice Centaur before we did:

“You see, the Massachusetts Supreme Court, when it started this move toward same-sex marriage, actually defined marriage — now get this — it defined marriage as simply, ‘the establishment of intimacy,'” [McCain primary opponent J.D.] Hayworth said. “Now how dangerous is that? I mean, I don’t mean to be absurd about it, but I guess I can make the point of absurdity with an absurd point — I guess that would mean if you really had affection for your horse, I guess you could marry your horse. It’s just the wrong way to go, and the only way to protect the institution of marriage is with that federal marriage amendment that I support.”

Well, fuck them. We’ll go with Mr. Ed instead.

J.D. Hayworth: Gay Marriage Law Could Produce Man-Horse Nuptials [HuffPo, via Raw Story]

So here’s how it works: The Senate parliamentarian sez the House has to pass the Senate healthcare bill before any reconciliation measure can be considered. The House, which doesn’t want to pass the Senate bill raw, wants to bundle the Senate bill into the reconciliation measure, so it can pass both with one vote.

Or something like that. Trust us, understanding Kant is easier.

Either way, the final bill passes both houses as amended, the President signs it into law, and everyone gets a pony.

Except in Minnesota:

Read more »

“Falling in love with you could really fuck up my plans for becoming President.” [GQ, via Poltical Wire]

From the people who brought you the instaclassic Demon Sheep, now comes — well, we’re not sure what. But we suggest that California Republican primary voters stay away from the brown acid.

Peter Graves, Spymaster and Host, Is Dead at 83 [NYT]

Tiger needs damage control, so why not hire the best liar in the business?

Tiger Woods has hired Ari Fleischer, the former Press Secretary to President George W. Bush, to help shape his image as he returns to professional golf, according to the New York Post . Fleischer runs a company called Ari Fleischer Sports Communications that bills itself as able to “help you handle the bad news and take advantage of the good.”

Tiger Woods Hires Former Bush Aide Ari Fleischer [CBS]

Title: “Courage and Consequence: My Life as a Conservative in the Fight”

Author: Karl Rove

Rank: 6

Blurb: “Courage and Consequence is ultimately about the joy of a life committed to the conservative cause, a life spent in political combat and service to country, no matter the costs.”

Review: “I must admit, I fell hook, line and sinker for the media’s version of Karl Rove as an evil man. Reading the book, he comes across as an intelligent, thoughtful and heartfelt person.”

Customers Also Bought: “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to the U.S. Constitution,” by Timothy Harper

Footnote: “Just get me a fucking faith-based thing. Got it?”

Courage and Consequence [Amazon]

Buy or Die [Stinque@Amazon kickback link]