Liar Liar

Tiger needs damage control, so why not hire the best liar in the business?

Tiger Woods has hired Ari Fleischer, the former Press Secretary to President George W. Bush, to help shape his image as he returns to professional golf, according to the New York Post . Fleischer runs a company called Ari Fleischer Sports Communications that bills itself as able to “help you handle the bad news and take advantage of the good.”

Tiger Woods Hires Former Bush Aide Ari Fleischer [CBS]

Woods should convert to Mormonism, announce he will be establishing a harem and move to Utah.

Isn’t he pretty much on the “wrong” on any side of his calibrasian background for mormoni?

Besides, I doubt he’d want to marry all of them, even Mormoni style.

Can you blame Tiger? After all, Fleischer’s the best liar in the business. I predict that within 6 months he’ll have 51% of the population convinced that Tiger’s affairs were instrumental in preventing another 9/11.

@ManchuCandidate: Sure, they’ll hate and scorn him but they’ll take his money. The marriages would be considered shams everywhere but Utah. On the other hand, he could convert to Islam and move to Saudi Arabia and establish his harem there.

@Serolf Divad:
Does that mean US America will be pushed to bomb St Andrews?

Not-a-Sport-TJ (since we’re discussing Sport):

Mellbell are you going to organize the Stinque March Madness pool again this year? Seems like just yesterday we were doing this. But this year, Benedick *MUST* enter and randomly pick his teams based upon whatever criteria he wants (best mascot, colors, theater department, blue states only, etc.) and we can watch him kick the asses of those of us who devote too much time to it.

Since I have to write and file a brief by Friday, I’ll be unable to devote my usual level of analysis and thought to it.

The homers here say my New Mexico Lobos could make the Sweet 16. The play Great Plains powerhouse Montana on Thursday in San Hose.

@SanFranLefty: Yes!
(Although I’m woefully unprepared for it this year. I may have mis-heard somewhere that little Lehigh is the Patriot League favorite for darkhorse team this year).

@redmanlaw and Nabisco:

Check this out in the dictionary:

Thinking, Wishful: (U.S. colloq.) = Hoping against hope during March Madness that your Division II or Division III alma mater is “the next Gonzaga.”

/and the trash-talking begins, ladies and gentlemen!

//it could happen, the ‘Horns could upset Kentucky in Round 2…

@SanFranLefty: My UCLA Bruins will be watching this one from home. What a crappy year.

Just got back from a lovely Stinque up with the Chicago crew. They really know how to show a girl a good time.
Speaking of, my full service hotel offers complimentary “Fashion Tape” (i.e. boob tape) on its list of toiletries they can supply should you find you forgot yours. I’ll rest easy tonight!

@SanFranLefty: I’d give it a shot but I honestly have no idea what you’re talking about. But I thank you for trying to make a poor immigrant feel welcome in your lovely country.

Americanski gut people. More better than Europe. I like America. Number one! I can haz Chevy Tahoe?

@Mistress Cynica:
oooh, what’s it called???
i use masking tape for those backless numbers…works great.

@Mistress Cynica:
I guess I will have to take flippin up on the invite.
its so hard to get me off the couch.

@Mistress Cynica:
can you just imagine the men, and some women, who are astonished by boob taping? this is one time benedick is not confused. i’m sure he’s taped a boob or 10 backstage.

did everyone do their homework? watching wanda?
i went to get it and all 3 copies were rented already. i said there are 20 people on this island. you’re telling me 3 people have rented a 20 year old movie? yes. so i rented men in black, a gem! the line of the movie, delivered by the ME:
“god, i hate the living”

you really need to get netflix and dump late fees.

@Mistress Cynica: It was an absolute pleasure–and I’m so glad I got you introduce you to the furballs too!

I’m pleased to say that I wouldn’t have the first idea how to use boob tape, as I own no clothing that would require it and probably never will. I’m way too prudish and low maintenance for that.

@mellbell: I haven’t even seen the draws yet, it’s been a crazy frackin day. Plus Ma Nabisco and I are trying to do our taxes, on-line, at the same time, but with 9.5 hours of caffeine levels separating us.

And now all I can think of is “why would anybody want to tape perfectly good boobs?

ADD: yes, yes, I know: strapless, etc. But still…

@Nabisco: Little Lehigh drew frackin KANSAS? wtf?

I was at Temple v Richmond yesterday, Damn those kids are ginormous, and you just plain cannot see how fucking amazing they are on TV.

@Prommie: Yeah, imagine defending a fast, athletic 6-9 guard bringing the ball downcourt. E.g., Magic Johnson.

@baked: This is why God made toupee tape. Sticks both sides. Won’t tear skin.

@SanFranLefty: Still no pictures? Damn. This Neil Young person must have been madly in love with Johnny. Sounds like he still is. I know the feeling. All he has to do is smile.

Sorry I’m late to this, but: brackets? Who’s going to run it.

(Reason for tardiness: drinky drinky last night with Cynica was not-so-hot this morning. Fun while it lasted but, afterwards — ugh. But also: abstinence from all things edible after last night’s feasting leaves me right on the 50 pound mark — in re weight loss since late October. SCORE!)

(Meanwhile, Cornell and Siena in the first round, bitches. Upstate N.Y. in the house! Tough draw for UVM though — cows to the slaughter house that is the 1-16 matchup. Yuck.)

@chicago bureau: Not to worry. The Big Announcement is set for 9 a.m. Tuesday, with a shoutout to Mellbell for setting it up.

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