As you no doubt know by now, whether or not you care to, HRH The Crown Grandprince is also Duke of Cambridge, Earl of Strathearn, and — no, really — Baron Carrickfergus, titles bestowed upon His Royal Male Pattern Baldness by HM The Corgi Wrangler, and scandalously proving that she’s been watching more Monty Python than Buckingham Palace has let on.

Perhaps it’s one of those state secrets only Prime Ministers are told upon assuming office. Like the existence of witches.

We of course were immediately consumed by a desire to learn more about the barony, since we don’t know which sketch it’s derived from. (“Baron Spamshire” would have been too obvious, and we’re sure HM dismissed it the moment Prince Philip suggested it.)

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We don’t know how she did it, but Oklahoma crazy lady firebrand Sally Kern actually crossed a line:

“I want to humbly apologize for my statements last night about African-Americans and women,” Kern, R-Oklahoma City, said in a statement. “I believe that our government should not provide preference based on race or gender. I misspoke while trying to convey this point last night during debate.”

Heavens! Whatever could Sally Kern say that would make Sally Kern apologize?

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The Management apologizes for stacking up Donald Trump posts, but The Management hasn’t seen such glee on the Interwebs since Sarah Palin was considered a serious presidential candidate.

America’s Potty Mouth is 64, which means America’s Potty Mouth is old enough to face The Ultimate Boomer Question:

When asked if he avoided the draft during the Vietnam War, Trump says he got lucky because, although he had a high draft number, his number was not called.

Ah, the good old days, checking the newspaper every year after Lady Bird drew the Doomed Birthdays from the hopper. Although maybe it wasn’t Lady Bird. Memory fades. And besides, the Draft was long gone when we turned draft-age anyway.

But back to Mr. Lucky. Seems there was another factor keeping him out of the jungle:

Despite Donald Trump’s claim this week that he avoided serving in the Vietnam War solely due to a high draft number, Selective Service records show that the purported presidential aspirant actually received a series of student deferments while in college and then topped those off with a medical deferment after graduation that helped spare him from fighting for his country, The Smoking Gun has learned.

Well! We certainly can’t blame him for using all the options available. But then, we’re not among his Birther fanbase.

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On Iraq:

We build a school, we build a road, they blow up the school, we build another school, we build another road they blow them up, we build again, in the meantime we can’t get a fucking school in Brooklyn.

On oil:

We have nobody in Washington that sits back and says, you’re not going to raise that fucking price.

On Chinese imports:

Listen you motherfuckers, we’re going to tax you 25 percent.

If he keeps this shit up, we may have no fucking choice but to fucking endorse him.

Donald Trump delivers several F-bombs during his speech in Las Vegas [KTNV]

From the Department of No Good Deed Goes Unpunished:

After President Obama declared much of the South a disaster zone after tornadoes killed close to 300 people, Texas Gov. Good Hair Perry stamped his foot, demanded federal assistance for parts of Texas fighting wildfires and wailed, “Why are you taking care of Alabama? Why are you taking care of other states and for some reason or another, the letter didn’t get lost in the mail.”

Guess it’s not just the big guy in the sky who’s ignoring little Ricky.

[San Antonio Express-News]

Our guest columnist is the Associated Press.

Editors:

Friday is royal wedding day in London and our report will look a little different.

As Prince William and Kate Middleton say their vows, The Associated Press will be alerting every development, running live video in SD and HD, tweeting and posting on Facebook, updating a multifaceted interactive, sending four radio packages an hour and filing hundreds of photographs from key vantage points.

We will also be creating something new: an hours-long running account of the wedding in progress for text subscribers — a little like what we’ve done with major sporting events such as the Super Bowl and top World Cup matches. Our text coverage for the big day will be three-tiered: A minute-by-minute running account of the events, APNewsAlerts and APNewsNows when events merit, and full stories including a mainbar and sidebars.

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Anyway.  If you’re up watching this crap from Merrie Old, feel free to vent here.

I will say this: the quality of media coverage of this was not unexpected, yet is still shocking.  The buy-in is total.  Only with an event like this can you have somebody bringing trees inside a church for a wedding, and have talking heads come across and say that they were going for “sustainable” rather than “absurdly decadent.”

And yet the media are shoveling this into their mouths as if it were oatmeal on a cold, winter morn.  And so are the great unwashed masses, lining the Mall with fake plastic crap on their heads, and lining up at the buffets at street parties with fake plastic crap on their heads (perhaps with feathers sticking out or something).

Really. When the President rolls by (whoever it is, however you feel about the guy), we either wave and shout a little bit, or flip him off and shout a little louder.  When they see the Queen rolling (or, in this case, kids who won’t be King and Queen for at least 40 years), everybody acts like they’re back in the first grade.

No (more) official commentary from me.  Your observations, as events (finally) unfold, in the comments box, please.