Open Thread Of Anachronisms

Anyway.  If you’re up watching this crap from Merrie Old, feel free to vent here.

I will say this: the quality of media coverage of this was not unexpected, yet is still shocking.  The buy-in is total.  Only with an event like this can you have somebody bringing trees inside a church for a wedding, and have talking heads come across and say that they were going for “sustainable” rather than “absurdly decadent.”

And yet the media are shoveling this into their mouths as if it were oatmeal on a cold, winter morn.  And so are the great unwashed masses, lining the Mall with fake plastic crap on their heads, and lining up at the buffets at street parties with fake plastic crap on their heads (perhaps with feathers sticking out or something).

Really. When the President rolls by (whoever it is, however you feel about the guy), we either wave and shout a little bit, or flip him off and shout a little louder.  When they see the Queen rolling (or, in this case, kids who won’t be King and Queen for at least 40 years), everybody acts like they’re back in the first grade.

No (more) official commentary from me.  Your observations, as events (finally) unfold, in the comments box, please.


When does this damn thing actually start? The pre-game coverage is just as vacuous and annoying as the Super Bowl’s.

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: Kickoff at 6am ET, 3am PT. (And snaps for the Super Bowl reference. That’s precisely what this is.)

@chicago bureau: Another hour and a half? Oy.

Well, I guess I’m going to have to keep the telly on mute while I judge the guests arriving to the Abbey. Sound is unnecessary anyway. I’m just in this for the hats.

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: Guy Ritchie and David Beckham just talking to each other. Somehow, there wasn’t a rip in the time-space continuum. And Boris Johnson, the Mayor of London, looking like the old-boy toff that he is.

And the trees. That’s the killer for me. Profoundly unnecessary.

@Dodgerblue: The weird thing about the Beeb’s coverage is that there hasn’t been any attempts at synergy with the Light Entertainment boys. No tie-ins with Top Gear or Doctor Who yet. Maybe this is hopeful stuff, here.

Oh, and all this talk about how Kate Middleton will do England proud — they just said it again, just now.

Please. In some parts of this country, they’d lock you up for fucking a horse — Kate’s going to be doing it for forty or fifty years.

(Yeah, I went to the “The Windsors look like horses” gag. Deal.)

@chicago bureau: I kinda like the trees. WA is basically a 1000 year old, huge fucking tomb. The saplings are probably the youngest and most alive things in the whole place.

@Dodgerblue: I thought he didn’t have to do that anymore. He’s married, you know.

The PM’s wife is cute, albeit on the thin side.

Oh, hey — we got Titles of Nobility, people! Beeb announces that it will be Will & Kate, d/b/a His & Her Royal Highnesses, the Duke & Duchess of Cambridge. So there.

[ADD: Also — Baron Carrickfergus. That is just dripping with AWESOME.]

There’s just something about a man in a uniform. (Unless it’s the RAF uni. That thing is fug.)

Prince Harry. All that spaghetti on your shoulders, and NO COMB. For fuck’s sake.

@chicago bureau: Does that signify that he’s into bondage?

@chicago bureau: Hat head. Something Willie no longer has to worry about.

hi kids..i’m watching too. the parade of bad hats so far….

action picking up….i want to see the DRESS!!!!

Yes! I knew Eugenie and Beatrice would bring it in the hat department.

@Dodgerblue: tv dishes with feathers–or is that a live bird in that black and red number?

Wait a second — the Duke of Edinburgh will turn NINETY DAMN YEARS OLD in June? That’s a serious case of old on that guy.

look at camilla waving to the crowd–“do you like me now? do ya?”

Meanwhile the Duke of York is looking out of place. No foreign trade officials are able to slip him an envelope filled with munnie during the service. Inconvenient.

Wait a minute — the Queen’s not wearing her seatbelt. Poor form.

@chicago bureau: That should have been the most important lesson learned from Di’s demise.

Shit, man — I want herald trumpeters for my court appearances. That would rock so hard.


hate the v neck already. the lace should have been a high neck–meh.

Draws too much attention to the bewbies, if you ask me. And you didn’t.

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ:
YES! and whaaaat? royal nipples showing????????

Aw, her dad is stroking her hand with his thumb. I wonder if that’s more to calm her or him.

Middleton has won the toss; defers to the second half. Prince William to receive.

i just got teary that Di isn’t there…….

@baked: It looks like he needs to have a bathroom break or something.

@baked: She’s there. In the best possible seat, not having to suffer the former in-laws.

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: or wear an abominable hat. did you just see the “roses” hat? omg….

We got a five-count on the “forever hold your peace” warning, and we are GO FOR LAUNCH.

I like how she smiled at “for poorer”. Cuz, yeah, that’s gonna happen.

did you see her hand? it was waxed!!! i know about this…

DONE DEAL. But yet the service goes on, for some reason.

what a disappointment–that dress is MEH MEH MEH

@chicago bureau: Touchdown!

Now it’s time to line up for the extra point.

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ:
yes! i know what a waxed hand looks like!

Anyone remember the Jubilee?

/returns to his coffee/

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ:
yes! i know what a waxed hand looks like!

my broken puter is failing me

As much as I love Andy’s girls’ headgear, the brunette’s dress is obscenely fugly. Doesn’t she know that the Princess Royal is supposed to wear the ugliest dress in family? These young royals just don’t follow protocol anymore.

who’s he? with the beautiful eyes and the chicken pox?

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: What would the extra point be? Chuck and Andy having a chuckle at marriage being a life-long bond during the sermon?

@chicago bureau:
that’s what harry is smirking about.

did you just see wills dozing off?

“weddings are about hope” he got that right.

Nice that the Queen is dozing off during the sermon. Just like the rest of us slobs.

i’m flipping around—cbs insists on spelling kate w/ a “C”…morons.

How many clergymen have participated in this so far? Every time I look up, it’s someone different.

it just took me 10 minutes to get back on line, so i bid you a good morning in case i can’t get back…..

Scotland’s Greek duke has turned into a taller version of Danny Devito’s Penguin.

No one is leaving early to beat the trafic.

I’m going to write a letter to Shelley O asking her to bring back hats on this side of the pond. If anyone can do it, she can.

@Dodgerblue: It ain’t (erm) a Dodger game.

Too on the nose?

What did Prince Philip do to win all those medals? Produce a male heir?

@Dodgerblue: I’d say something vulgar about performance of duties to for the Queen, but I wouldn’t want to ruin anyone’s breakfast.

Oh, the Queen was chatting with that hussy, Camilla.

OK. I’m unlikely to see anymore hats now, so I’m going to turn in.

Someone let me know how the presentation of the Lombardi trophy goes.

@Benedick HRH KFC: Slightly OT — something leads me to believe that changing your avatar to Gordon Brown or David Cameron (or Nick Clegg for that matter) just wouldn’t have the same impact as everyone’s favorite PM pariah.

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: Good pic on Pippa’s dress on NYT – I like it more than Kate’s, though I have to admit Kate’s dress is way more tasteful than I feared it would be. I don’t like the v-neck on it. But like Cynica, I’m happy to see something that might stem the tide of mermaid strapless dresses.

ADD: Tom and Lo have an entire thread for Pippa.

ADD2: The queens dissect the guests and their hats.

An older distinguished woman in a fur coat and silly hat was seen leaving Shakespeare’s Pub this morning. I think I missed a fun remote-liveblogging opportunity.

@nojo: Tsk! You gotta stay on top of this stuff!

@SanFranLefty: What M. Cynica said. I join TLo in hoping that Kate and Pippa can help turn the tide away from those stupid strapless wedding dresses. After all, there’s still a (slim) chance that I may don a white dress* and get hitched someday.

@chicago bureau: I had a uni friend from Carrickfurgus when I studied in Scotland–I stayed there for a night when a group of us visited him during the Easter holiday. The most I can say for it is that there are nice views of Belfast from there.

*Yes, it will be white. If I can’t wear a long, white dress at any other time in my life without it being deemed “too bridal,” then I’m damn well going to wear one if I ever get a shot at being a bride.

@flippin eck: I loved the red version of Pippa’s dress that TLo featured in their thread. There’s absolutely no time where I’d have the opportunity to wear such a dress, but it’s gorgeous in that color.

It was a tough call, but the judges have awarded Wedding Tweet of the Day to Gawker Commenter All-Star @smrtmnky:

Wake me if they let two queens get married in CA, otherwise I’m sleeping

@SanFranLefty: Honestly, I think the hit-it-out-of-the-park award this morning goes to the PM’s wife in that turquoise sheath dress and bright orange scarf…not to mention the bonus points for sending fashion watchers into a tizzy by making no effort to wear a hat or fascinator! The nerve!

@flippin eck: Wait, wait — fascinator?

I’m not gonna Google it. That would spoil the awesome mystery.

“Pippa, darling, pass the whisky to gran, there’s a love, sweety.”

Grown women called Pippa should be shot. (It’s a class thing and only applies to the English)

@SanFranLefty: I would not call that a V neck.

@rptrcub: There’s something so creepy about that particular pic of Tone. As if he’s just come from sniffing yanqui bum and can’t wait till he can sniff some more.

@flippin eck: I liked her look quite a bit. What’s your take on Kate’s tiara?

@flippin eck: Who knew she was such a hottie? I don’t think I’d ever seen a picture of her. That sheath matched the color of her eyes and was stunning on her.

Favorite hat: Princess Beatrice.

Also looking fierce, as always never cracking a smile, and rocking six inch platform heels while pregnant: Posh Spice.

@Benedick HRH KFC: Anything cut below the sternoclavicular joint is a V-neck by my standards.

@SanFranLefty: I’ve decided that Bea is awesome b/c she never plays it safe. She’s either gonna look spectacular or like she’s on crack.

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: Exactly. The line from TLo about Bea and Eugenie summed it up: “We so want to party with these crazy bitches. They’re like Pats and Eddy, The Next Generation.”

@SanFranLefty: That is so spot-on. You just know that they’ve got a little chip on their shoulders because of the way the Family has treated their mother. And, of course, Andy seems like a pushover pop. So they’re out there, dancing right on the line, holding a finger out in front of the fogeys’ faces, taunting “not touching; can’t get mad.”

@Benedick HRH KFC: The good socialists at the Guardian are offering a wedding-free home page. Just lick on the “Republicans [in the anti-royalist sense] Click Here” and all the hoopla disappears.
Frankly, after spending my dating collating photographic records of WWII battles while taking breaks to look at photos of the tornado destruction, I’m going to need to spend an hour or so looking at silly hats to restore my will to live.

Ok fuck, Rachel pre-empted by a wedding rerun…

But while I’m thinking about it: Did Kate get hubby’s name-order right?

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