Our guest columnist is totally not gay.

It’s early spring in Washington, D.C., and the cherry blossoms lining the Tidal Basin are bursting like kernels of popcorn, lending a fairy-tale feel to the nation’s bastion of power. But to catch a glimpse of the real Washington in action, you’d better arrive early. If you hit the street before 8 a.m., you may see the fittest man in Congress, U.S. Representative Aaron Schock of Illinois, clocking in for his 5-mile run — the conclusion of a morning fitness routine that starts in the House gym at 6:30 every weekday morning.

The Ripped Representative [Men’s Health]

“Newt Gingrich will announce his campaign for the Republican presidential nomination on Wednesday with postings on Facebook and Twitter. He’ll give his first interview as a candidate to Sean Hannity on Wednesday night.” [Political Wire]

On February 5, 2003, Secretary of State Colin Powell appeared at the United Nations with proof that Saddam Hussein was harboring weapons of mass destruction.

This was later proven untrue.

On April 1, 2003, Jessica Lynch was said to be liberated from her Iraqi captors, in the first successful rescue of an American POW since World War II.

This was later proven to be a wholesale misrepresentation of events.

On April 9, 2003, a statue of Saddam Hussein was pulled down in Baghdad’s Firdos Square, in what was presented as a popular celebration of his downfall.

This was later proven to be staged by Marines, with the assistance of an Army psyops team, for the benefit of news cameras in a nearby hotel.

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that Hitler would have something to say about the US taking out OBL:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u8A2unABbtA

Title: “SEAL Team Six: Memoirs of an Elite Navy SEAL Sniper”

Authors: Howard E. Wasdin and Stephen Templin

Rank: 5

Blurb: “SEAL Team Six is a secret unit tasked with counterterrorism, hostage rescue, and counterinsurgency. In this dramatic, behind-the-scenes chronicle, Howard Wasdin takes readers deep inside the world of Navy SEALS and Special Forces snipers, beginning with the grueling selection process of Basic Underwater Demolition/SEAL (BUD/S) — the toughest and longest military training in the world.”

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Yes, yes — here we are again.  For the fourth year running (three years on Stinque proper, with the first event happening at another place), it is the Kentucky Derby Open Thread.

First of all, this must be said: you want silly hats, Princess Beatrice?  Come get some.

You go to a royal wedding wearing felt-covered moose antlers, attached to a toilet seat.  On your damn head. But it can barely be called a “hat.”  You had to come up with a new name for it.  A “fascinator.”  Honey, please — the only thing fascinating about it was that it was lumped into the general category of “hats.”  That was not a hat.  THIS, RIGHT HERE, IS A HAT.  It is securely attached to the head by wrapping itself around the skull, and is not simply pinned to your forehead.  It protects (amply) the head from the heat and ultraviolet rays of the sun.  THIS IS A HAT.

So, anyway, the race.  19 horses will go.  It’s usually 20, but the favorite — Uncle Mo — was scratched because of a stomach bug.  Which made this race much more difficult to handicap.  The Derby is always impossible to pick with any sort of intelligence; all the horses are good, and most are more than capable of winning, even at extremely long odds.  Top picks, as of this draft, look like Dialed In (from the 4 post) and Nehro (19), both of whom hang back off the pace and close at the end.  But who the hell knows.

Several notables besides these two: Twice The Appeal (3) will have Calvin Borel, America’s Favorite Cajun, in the irons.  His M.O. is riding the rail, and that’s where he will start.  There are no horses this time who have ladybits, but one jockey who does — Anna Napravnik is up on Pants On Fire (7).  Mucho Macho Man (13) has a female trainer who is coming off — wait, wait — a heart transplant.  Devotion, yes?

And so: ALL RISE FOR THE DEGENERATE GAMBLER NATIONAL ANTHEM. (Doo-doo doo-doo-doot, doo-doo-doot, doo-doo-doo-dooooooot…..)

Turn Off the Dark’s Reign of Terror Returns on May 12th [Topless Robot, via Comics Alliance]