More discoveries from Osama’s Pakistan resort…

As Osama bin Laden watched his terrorist organization get picked apart, he lamented in his final writings that al-Qaida was suffering from a marketing problem. His group was killing too many Muslims and that was bad for business. The West was winning the public relations fight. All his old comrades were dead and he barely knew their replacements.

Faced with these challenges, bin Laden, who hated the United States and decried capitalism, considered a most American of business strategies. Like Blackwater, ValuJet and Philip Morris, perhaps what al-Qaida really needed was a fresh start under a new name.

In case you’re wondering why AirTran Airways (née ValuJet) is on the clever AP writer’s mind, we invite you to revisit ValuJet Flight 592.

Terror by any other name: Osama eyed name change [AP]

‘Columbo’ star Peter Falk dies at 83 [Today, via RML]

I think we can safely predict who is not getting laid tonight, or for a long time in the future.

A New Mexico judge yesterday ordered Greg Fultz, 35, to immediately take down a billboard on a main street in Alamogordo that implies his ex-girlfriend had an abortion.  The woman sought a protective order to remove the billboard, which shows Fultz holding the outline of an infant. The text reads, “This Would Have Been A Picture Of My 2-Month Old Baby If The Mother Had Decided To Not KILL Our Child!”

Holding aside his abuse of the English language, Fultz’s ex-girlfriend has taken him to court for harassment and violation of privacy. Her attorney told reporters it was irrelevant whether or not her client had ever been pregnant.

[SF Chronicle]

So we’re catching up with Conan last night — the TV show, not the bewildering movie remake — and he drops a joke about Rick Perry fending off gay rumors. This is news to us, because we’ve never heard of any Rick Perry gay rumors. (Is he seceding from heterosexuality?) So we rev up the StinquePad, start typing Rick Perry’s name into Google…

…and before we can get to “gay”, before we can even get to g, we get this.

What’s up? Is another wingnut getting rickrolled?

Near as we can figure, Rick Perry’s Rainbow Condition began, as all things do, with a Politico story this week:

If Texas Gov. Rick Perry decides to run for president, his team is more than prepared for a re-airing of unsubstantiated rumors, circulated on and off for years in the Lone Star State, about his personal life.

The crusted-over rumors were in the ether among some attendees at a dinner hosted last week by the Manhattan County GOP, where Perry gave the keynote speech. The rumors, which have never been proven despite repeated review by media outlets, were addressed by the governor himself in a lengthy 2004 American-Statesman story that is sure to see new life if he runs.

The claims, which had made the rounds for months by the time the story was written, included rumors that Perry and his wife Anita had split, and that the governor was gay.

This is classic Politico: “crusted-over rumors in the ether among some attendees” is all the sourcing you get for this story, which could mean that somebody revived an old joke at a back table. But that’s all you need to spark a Google trend and wind up the pawn of a late-night comedian. By comparison, Anthony Weiner is an overachiever.

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“Our normally reliable Republican source reports that Mr. Perry has surveyed the field and decided to get in the race later this summer, perhaps around the time of the national prayer meeting that Mr. Perry is hosting on August 6 at a Houston football stadium.” [WSJ, via Political Wire]

Everything you ever wanted to know about coffee, but wayyyyy too fast if you’re only on your first java of the day.

Coffee: Greatest Addiction Ever [Grey’s Blog, via Daring Fireball]

Herman Cain to Sean Hannity about a Daily Show clip: “And I said well Sean first of all if [Jon Stewart] really thinks that I’m serious about a bill only being three pages, the joke’s on him. And I said secondly, as far as him mocking me, look I’ve been called every name in the book because I’m a conservative, because I’m black.” [ThinkProgress]