When we were a kid, Disaster Preparedness entailed freaking out over fires, floods, and nukes. (Or earthquakes, tornadoes, and hurricanes, depending on what form of God’s Wrath your sinful region could be expected to suffer.)

What it didn’t entail was our local municipality using part of a Homeland Security grant to demonstrate how to survive an idiot with an assault weapon.

You might ask whether the money would be better spent keeping assault weapons out of the hands of idiots in the first place. And if you do, why do you hate America?

Ready Houston? [City of Houston, via Know Your Meme]

It took a day, but we think we have it down: Demrats posted a nasty ad about Mitt, a Mittbot defended his honor on Fox, but in defending Mitt’s honor the Mittbot said something nice about Romneycare, and then Ann Coulter’s head asploded.

Or, if you’d like, you can stick to Ann Coulter’s Head Asploded and forget the rest. By now, everybody else has.

Coulter Explodes At Romney Spokeswoman For Response To Priorities USA Ad: She Needs To Be Fired [Mediaite]

[NY Post]

“Oh, that was a moment of humor as we had just done what we thought was impossible. We had raised $37 million from other people and institutions who entrusted us with their funds, and we thought it was a miracle that our group had been able to be so successful in fundraising.”

—Mitt Romney, explaining how stuffing your suits and mouths with dollars is an innocently jolly way to commemorate a financial achievement.

[via Businessweek]

“Police in China’s Zhejiang province were searching for a man’s penis after he reported that it had been stolen while he was sleeping. ‘I was so shocked I didn’t feel a thing,’ said the man.” [Harper’s, via @JC_Christian]

“As Mitt Romney’s vice presidential selection nears and buzz about Rep. Paul Ryan’s prospects builds, a split is emerging among Republicans about whether the choice of the House Budget chairman and architect of the party’s controversial tax and spending plan would be a daring plus for the ticket or a miscalculation that would turn a close election into a referendum on Medicare.” [Politico]

“Our best estimate is that the Obamacare will cost 11 to 14 cents per pizza, or 15 to 20 cents per order from a corporate basis.” —Papa John’s founder and Romney donor John Schnatter, explaining why your couch change is the death of freedom. [Slate]