How to Avoid Becoming a Second-Amendment Martyr

When we were a kid, Disaster Preparedness entailed freaking out over fires, floods, and nukes. (Or earthquakes, tornadoes, and hurricanes, depending on what form of God’s Wrath your sinful region could be expected to suffer.)

What it didn’t entail was our local municipality using part of a Homeland Security grant to demonstrate how to survive an idiot with an assault weapon.

You might ask whether the money would be better spent keeping assault weapons out of the hands of idiots in the first place. And if you do, why do you hate America?

Ready Houston? [City of Houston, via Know Your Meme]

Here in Teabagessee, they say that if all the good people had more guns to shoot the bad people with guns then there wouldn’t be no more bad people with guns. Seems awful simple ‘cept that the good people with guns don’t shoot back fast enough.

Fucking cancer got David Rakoff. I am in tears of rage. Damn, damn, DAMN. If you haven’t read Half Empty, do so immediately.

I don’t want to be caught in a crossfire between a crazy guy with guns and adrenaline fueled wannabe good guys with guns. Once the bullet leaves the gun anybody’s name could be on it.

These are the same people that read all those Alan Moore comics and thought his nihilistic dystopias sound like just awesome models for society.

@Jesuswalksinidaho: most of the good people with guns here in Teabagessee will shoot themselves by mistake. the bad people with guns usually run away then, happy to have survived the erstwhile vigilante. the cops usually hit their target round here though.

@Mistress Cynica: Christ on a stick! He was more sarcastic than Sedaris. Fuck cancer!!

Self preservation is the first rule. As for fire extinguishers, the saying is “spray ’em with the white stuff, hit ’em with the red can.” I have one in my office and in my bedroom.

BREAKING HARD RIGHT: Romney picks Paul Ryan for VP.

@redmanlaw: He’s announcing the choice on the deck of the USS Wisconsin. Only witty or wacky to a Mormon.

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