• Spring is bustin’ out all over!
• Those new Marvel series are a lot of fun!
• Everyone lends a hand when someone is beset by crippling medical expenses that could easily be addressed by a national healthcare system!

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Bed Pillow
Always a classic, a fluffy pillow not only muffles your voice, it smothers your face and ears so that you may block out the reality that enrages you.

Ball Gag
It’s not just for erotic adventures any more! Hang one around your neck, and it’ll always be with you when that sudden urge to relieve your spirit of the idiocy of daily life overwhelms you.

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• Weaving a mischievous tale of fancy.
• An arrangement of events not in accord with the known universe.
• Truths yet unborn.

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The Omega Man

Prediction: The last man on Earth defends himself against all the other last men on Earth.

Rating: 8/10. Yeah, the Night People are a bitch, but casually hopping from sportscar to sportscar as you drive wildly down the desolated Los Angeles streets is awesome.

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Claims Disputed in River-Crossing Incident

“Why did you sting me?” asked the Frog

“It’s just my nature,” replied the Scorpion.

Survivors of the Frog argue that the Scorpion willfully injured it. Attorneys for the Scorpion’s estate say the Frog knew and acknowledged the risks going in.

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Cancel Culture
White people whining about the consequences of being offensive in public.

DC Statehood
White people whining about black people voting.

Voting Integrity
See DC Statehood.

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There’s a date we’ve been looking forward to for awhile, a date we might not live to see, but one that holds great significance for America: One fine day in 2044, by current projections, white people will slip below half the population.

It’s been a long time coming. When we were born, under a 49-star flag, haoles like us accounted for almost 9 in 10 Americans, a number that held steady for generations, and wouldn’t start dropping significantly until 1990, when it was 8 in 10. The 2020 Census isn’t in yet, but we’re looking at 6 in 10 now.

We’ve been looking forward to 2044 because folks like us have really screwed the pooch in the Land of the Free, and it’s about time we got outvoted on our collective idiocy.

But we’re now realizing that we’ve been a tad naive about the March of History. The next two decades are gonna be a total bitch.

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