Apocalypse Predictions, Rated
The Omega Man
Prediction: The last man on Earth defends himself against all the other last men on Earth.
Rating: 8/10. Yeah, the Night People are a bitch, but casually hopping from sportscar to sportscar as you drive wildly down the desolated Los Angeles streets is awesome.
Logan’s Run
Prediction: Everyone is killed when they turn 30.
Rating: 1/10. Boomers turned it the other way around.
The Road Warrior
Prediction: On a desolate planet lacking liquid resources, survivors band together to claim what they can.
Rating: 7/10. We’re not going down without awesome tunes.
Night of the Living Dead
Prediction: People turn into mindless zombies, attacking those still unaffected.
Rating: 3/10. Turns out they’re all Karens.
Soylent Green
Prediction: Mmmm, human protein.
Rating: 5/10. At least it’s not tofu.
Beneath the Planet of the Apes
Prediction: Subterranean humans worship atomic bomb, leading to Earth’s destruction.
Rating: 2/10. We should be so lucky it happens in a snap.
A Boy and His Dog
Prediction: Infertile underground humans use a milking machine to harvest Don Johnson’s nuts.
Rating: 8/10. Dude.
The Wizard of Oz
Prediction: The beautiful, colorful world is all a dream, and we’re still stuck in Kansas.
Rating: 10/10. Nailed it.
NOOOOOOoooooooooo!
The Day After: 4/10. Armageddon is so damned depressing.
Red Dawn: 0/10. Logistics and reason aside, it fueled weak minded dumbasses’ Wolverine Fantasies (like a teenaged me.) Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey didn’t have the time of their lives with each other.
Amerika: -149/10. George Will/William Buckley’s aka alleged right wing intellect’s Red Dawn as opposed to The Day After. More boring, implausible and stupid than Red Dawn.
@ManchuCandidate: I always loved the publicity for Day After — “Too Real for TV?” — because it had all the realism of exactly that.
The Day After scared the $%&! outta me, especially the horror of realizing that a gang of Reagan-era fucknutz were in charge. It’s a gawddam miracle that we didn’t nuke ourselves.See also: By Dawn’s Early Light
Is today’s fucknutz learning?
I don’t even see why Hollywood bothers making horror flix when we can just doom scroll the news.
FLYINGCHAINSAW • TRUMP: MACHINE GUNNING ORPHANAGES AND CONVENTS BY ME IS CONSTITUTIONAL AND SOMETIMES IT MAKES ME ERECT WITHOUT PHARMACEUTICAL ASSISTANCE! Sen. sENEMA has a career ahead of her in giving designer psychedelic enemas to trust-fund…
MANCHUCANDIDATE • TRUMP: MACHINE GUNNING ORPHANAGES AND CONVENTS BY ME IS CONSTITUTIONAL AND SOMETIMES IT MAKES ME ERECT WITHOUT PHARMACEUTICAL ASSISTANCE! @¡Andrew!: She thought three's company. Nope.
¡ANDREW! • TRUMP: MACHINE GUNNING ORPHANAGES AND CONVENTS BY ME IS CONSTITUTIONAL AND SOMETIMES IT MAKES ME ERECT WITHOUT PHARMACEUTICAL ASSISTANCE! Gawd hates SIN, specifically Kyrsten SINema.
¡ANDREW! • TRUMP: MACHINE GUNNING ORPHANAGES AND CONVENTS BY ME IS CONSTITUTIONAL AND SOMETIMES IT MAKES ME ERECT WITHOUT PHARMACEUTICAL ASSISTANCE! So long, Senatard Glitter-trash. I hope she knows how much everyone H8s her :0)
¡ANDREW! • TRUMP: MACHINE GUNNING ORPHANAGES AND CONVENTS BY ME IS CONSTITUTIONAL AND SOMETIMES IT MAKES ME ERECT WITHOUT PHARMACEUTICAL ASSISTANCE! The racist kleptocratic MSM is really gonna have to crank up the bread and circuses now that their…
FLYINGCHAINSAW • TRUMP: MACHINE GUNNING ORPHANAGES AND CONVENTS BY ME IS CONSTITUTIONAL AND SOMETIMES IT MAKES ME ERECT WITHOUT PHARMACEUTICAL ASSISTANCE! @¡Andrew!: Ted Kazinski Sec of Interior Only the DEAD are extreme enough to serve in DONNIE…
¡ANDREW! • TRUMP: MACHINE GUNNING ORPHANAGES AND CONVENTS BY ME IS CONSTITUTIONAL AND SOMETIMES IT MAKES ME ERECT WITHOUT PHARMACEUTICAL ASSISTANCE! @FlyingChainSaw: Department of Health & Human Services: Charles Manson Defense Secretary:…
FLYINGCHAINSAW • TRUMP: MACHINE GUNNING ORPHANAGES AND CONVENTS BY ME IS CONSTITUTIONAL AND SOMETIMES IT MAKES ME ERECT WITHOUT PHARMACEUTICAL ASSISTANCE! @¡Andrew!: Right, the administration's all star line up: Pres: Trump VP: Ted Kaczynski…
FLYINGCHAINSAW • TRUMP: MACHINE GUNNING ORPHANAGES AND CONVENTS BY ME IS CONSTITUTIONAL AND SOMETIMES IT MAKES ME ERECT WITHOUT PHARMACEUTICAL ASSISTANCE! @FlyingChainSaw: Actually, FDLE would be the first to admit it. The state banks on it with 'sue me…
¡ANDREW! • TRUMP: MACHINE GUNNING ORPHANAGES AND CONVENTS BY ME IS CONSTITUTIONAL AND SOMETIMES IT MAKES ME ERECT WITHOUT PHARMACEUTICAL ASSISTANCE! I cannot wait for the Republinazi MAGAt trash to DEMAND that $hitler be allowed to be president…