Apocalypse Predictions, Rated

The Omega Man

Prediction: The last man on Earth defends himself against all the other last men on Earth.

Rating: 8/10. Yeah, the Night People are a bitch, but casually hopping from sportscar to sportscar as you drive wildly down the desolated Los Angeles streets is awesome.

Logan’s Run

Prediction: Everyone is killed when they turn 30.

Rating: 1/10. Boomers turned it the other way around.

The Road Warrior

Prediction: On a desolate planet lacking liquid resources, survivors band together to claim what they can.

Rating: 7/10. We’re not going down without awesome tunes.

Night of the Living Dead

Prediction: People turn into mindless zombies, attacking those still unaffected.

Rating: 3/10. Turns out they’re all Karens.

Soylent Green

Prediction: Mmmm, human protein.

Rating: 5/10. At least it’s not tofu.

Beneath the Planet of the Apes

Prediction: Subterranean humans worship atomic bomb, leading to Earth’s destruction.

Rating: 2/10. We should be so lucky it happens in a snap.

A Boy and His Dog

Prediction: Infertile underground humans use a milking machine to harvest Don Johnson’s nuts.

Rating: 8/10. Dude.

The Wizard of Oz

Prediction: The beautiful, colorful world is all a dream, and we’re still stuck in Kansas.

Rating: 10/10. Nailed it.

4 Comments

NOOOOOOoooooooooo!
The Day After: 4/10. Armageddon is so damned depressing.
Red Dawn: 0/10. Logistics and reason aside, it fueled weak minded dumbasses’ Wolverine Fantasies (like a teenaged me.) Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey didn’t have the time of their lives with each other.
Amerika: -149/10. George Will/William Buckley’s aka alleged right wing intellect’s Red Dawn as opposed to The Day After. More boring, implausible and stupid than Red Dawn.

@ManchuCandidate: I always loved the publicity for Day After — “Too Real for TV?” — because it had all the realism of exactly that.

The Day After scared the $%&! outta me, especially the horror of realizing that a gang of Reagan-era fucknutz were in charge. It’s a gawddam miracle that we didn’t nuke ourselves.See also: By Dawn’s Early Light
Is today’s fucknutz learning?

I don’t even see why Hollywood bothers making horror flix when we can just doom scroll the news.

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