Apocalypse Predictions, Rated
The Omega Man
Prediction: The last man on Earth defends himself against all the other last men on Earth.
Rating: 8/10. Yeah, the Night People are a bitch, but casually hopping from sportscar to sportscar as you drive wildly down the desolated Los Angeles streets is awesome.
Logan’s Run
Prediction: Everyone is killed when they turn 30.
Rating: 1/10. Boomers turned it the other way around.
The Road Warrior
Prediction: On a desolate planet lacking liquid resources, survivors band together to claim what they can.
Rating: 7/10. We’re not going down without awesome tunes.
Night of the Living Dead
Prediction: People turn into mindless zombies, attacking those still unaffected.
Rating: 3/10. Turns out they’re all Karens.
Soylent Green
Prediction: Mmmm, human protein.
Rating: 5/10. At least it’s not tofu.
Beneath the Planet of the Apes
Prediction: Subterranean humans worship atomic bomb, leading to Earth’s destruction.
Rating: 2/10. We should be so lucky it happens in a snap.
A Boy and His Dog
Prediction: Infertile underground humans use a milking machine to harvest Don Johnson’s nuts.
Rating: 8/10. Dude.
The Wizard of Oz
Prediction: The beautiful, colorful world is all a dream, and we’re still stuck in Kansas.
Rating: 10/10. Nailed it.
NOOOOOOoooooooooo!
The Day After: 4/10. Armageddon is so damned depressing.
Red Dawn: 0/10. Logistics and reason aside, it fueled weak minded dumbasses’ Wolverine Fantasies (like a teenaged me.) Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey didn’t have the time of their lives with each other.
Amerika: -149/10. George Will/William Buckley’s aka alleged right wing intellect’s Red Dawn as opposed to The Day After. More boring, implausible and stupid than Red Dawn.
@ManchuCandidate: I always loved the publicity for Day After — “Too Real for TV?” — because it had all the realism of exactly that.
The Day After scared the $%&! outta me, especially the horror of realizing that a gang of Reagan-era fucknutz were in charge. It’s a gawddam miracle that we didn’t nuke ourselves.See also: By Dawn’s Early Light
Is today’s fucknutz learning?
I don’t even see why Hollywood bothers making horror flix when we can just doom scroll the news.
MANCHUCANDIDATE • An Extremely Strained Metaphor for Our Times @¡Andrew!: That is true. You are correct about experiencing the pain. Can’t escape it and…
¡ANDREW! • An Extremely Strained Metaphor for Our Times @ManchuCandidate: I've learned the hard way that the only way to get through something is to go…
MANCHUCANDIDATE • An Extremely Strained Metaphor for Our Times @¡Andrew!: Thanks. This one will hurt for a while.
¡ANDREW! • An Extremely Strained Metaphor for Our Times @ManchuCandidate: Oh, man, that’s terrible. I wish there were something I could do; just let me…
MANCHUCANDIDATE • An Extremely Strained Metaphor for Our Times https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eUWZqbumaZo Just got news that my cancer stricken friend died…
¡ANDREW! • An Extremely Strained Metaphor for Our Times Gawd hates SINema.
¡ANDREW! • An Extremely Strained Metaphor for Our Times Living through one of our country’s worst eras sure has sucked (2000 – present, though…
¡ANDREW! • An Extremely Strained Metaphor for Our Times @ Manchu Hahahahaha, Everybody Hates Munchin. Kerrrist what a scumbag. SINema, too. “Meesa…
MANCHUCANDIDATE • An Extremely Strained Metaphor for Our Times Joe Joe Manchin/Binks let democracy die.
MANCHUCANDIDATE • Six Useful Products to Contain Your Screaming @SanFranLefty: That's worse than me. I'm just slowly grinding my mouth guard into dust.