Americans Want to Fuck The Skull of Jesus!

The insufferable Jesus fuckwits are dwindling in number as America descends into cannibal anarchy, betrayed by the oligarchs that used them, leaving the nation to implode into a medieval dystopia of rampant violence, unchecked disease and pandemic starvation, once and for all manifesting for one and all the futility of shrieking at statues and howling at the sky for relief from the random horror of life on an Earth ruled by a covert operation gone berserk called the Republic Party.

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Selections from the New York Review of Books classifieds for March 26, 2009.

EROTIC EXPLOSION. Let me blow your mind, your ultimate erogenous zone. Provocative talk with educated beauty. No limits.

CONNECTICUT MAN — author, naturalist — seeks elegant, word-loving lady, 48-65, with eye and ear for subtlety, wry humor, and the natural world. Photo please.

PRETTY, PETITE PROFESSIONAL seeks man, 62-78, who is physically fit, psychologically stable, politically aware, and sexually active for stimulating conversation and good times. Unbeliever preferred. San Francisco.

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First I was going to post on an incredibly stupid Howard Fineman column.  Then I changed my mind when I found a deeply awful Michael Gerson op-ed.  But why do any analysis when I can just link to stupid shit like this:

The teen love affair that rocked last year’s presidential race is over.

Sarah Palin‘s daughter, Bristol, has ditched her baby daddy, Levi Johnston!

Admit it – you’re addicted to this shit.  The antics of the Talibunny and her spawn give you that glimpse into the trailer park you’ve always wanted.

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• Live in areas dominated by sagebrush.
• Infestations occur in which large numbers form roving bands.
• Create hazards when they swarm.

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Atrios:

According to a Senate source, the teabaggers are sending in lots of bags of tea to the Senate, requiring the “US Capitol Police Threats Assessment Section to x-ray, open and test the tea bags and envelopes,” costing much time and money.

You tax dollars at work, Stinquers! Fucking conservatives can always find ways to piss away this country’s money.

So if we understand this correctly, Jim Cramer’s only sin was to make some optimistic calls in a “bull” market — one that was recognizably overvalued, recognizably a bubble, and recognizably a Ponzi scheme.

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Deep thought:

President Obama lifted the restrictions on stem-cell research yesterday.  But suppose Preznit Bunnypants hadn’t put them in place to begin with?

Sure, we know about the dead in Iraq – the people, the soldiers – and we know what happened in New Orleans. But how many people would be alive today if Bush hadn’t put his religion before the rest of us?  How many people would be walking instead of in wheelchairs had science not been hobbled for the past eight years?  How many people would be enjoying their lives instead of suffering?  We’ll never know.