Snow White Trash

laser-removal-hurtsFirst I was going to post on an incredibly stupid Howard Fineman column.  Then I changed my mind when I found a deeply awful Michael Gerson op-ed.  But why do any analysis when I can just link to stupid shit like this:

The teen love affair that rocked last year’s presidential race is over.

Sarah Palin‘s daughter, Bristol, has ditched her baby daddy, Levi Johnston!

Admit it – you’re addicted to this shit.  The antics of the Talibunny and her spawn give you that glimpse into the trailer park you’ve always wanted.

Now’s Levi’s sister, Mercede is telling all exclusively to Star and the picture she paints of life in Wasilla, Alaska is not a pretty one. Bristol, 18, has virtually cut Levi out of the life of their two-month-old son Tripp.

“Levi tries to visit Tripp every single day, but Bristol makes it nearly impossible. She tells him he can’t take the baby to our house because she doesn’t want him around ‘white trash’!” Bristol won’t even allow him to watch the baby for a few hours — unless he’s babysitting!

The worst part, Mercede continues, is that the former vice presidential candidate supports Bristol’s treatment of Levi, 19. “I used to love Sarah,” Mercede says sadly. “But I’ve lost lots of respect for her.”

So have we Mercede, so have we. But we lost ours during the RNC.

World Exclusive: Bristol Palin’s Bitter Split! [Star]
53 Comments

Points for the alt-text, Bloggie. Mercede? Levi? Are the Johnstons Latino or Jewish? WTF is up with the names in Alaska? Tripp? Trigg? Snowshoe?

I’m surprised her name isn’t Mercedez.

P.S. Gerson is a fucking moron. Just look at the picture. Can you say closet case?

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!
LOVE LASSS 4EVA. OMG WTF.

@Benedick: My thoughts exactly. Hockey and the hatred of brown people is not a good basis for a relationship.

blogenfreude: Oddly, though, hockey (all by itself) is the basis of a relationship. I mean, the whole genre of “puck sluts / puck bunnies” is one of the great contributions of the game to the world.

Meanwhile, please remember, kids, that this is Star Magazine we are talking about here. The punctuation on [ ‘white trash’!” ] just screams quality.

OT but Coleman just got proper-fucked on the internets:
http://www.shortsshortsshorts.com/?p=904

WHOOPSIES.

@chicago bureau: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=proper%20fucked

Proper Fucked:

To be formally and officially fucked.

“Bush proper fucked the States.”

“That u-haul just proper fucked that guy on his bike.”

“After missing his shot in the brick champion ships, Billy got proper fucked.”

“The legal system proper fucks minorites.”

“Rosey O’Donald proper fucked that snack bar.”

“The Romans proper fucked Jesus. “

@shortsshortsshorts: Also WATF (“well and truly fucked”) – comes in handy.

@Benedick: I’ve only ever heard it in Guy Ritchie movies.

@mellbell: Must be since I left the motherfucking country. Though now you alert me to its source I did think it had a non-US sound to it. We You don’t use ‘proper’ to mean ‘right’. Whereas those sniveling Limey asswipes English people do.

tj/breaking – the Jack Abramoff lobbying scandal takes down another GOP Senate staffer.

http://indianz.com/News/2009/013514.asp

@redmanlaw: Considering how much other people made this lady seems to have been content with very little.

@Benedick: The price of corruption is often very small.

@shortsshortsshorts: Now what’s he gonna do with that awesome tatt that is so not white trash. I can see them all ending up on Judge Judy.

@Benedick: He probably doesn’t even need to go to Judge Judy, as his family’s meth business is thriving due to the recession.

This whole thing reminds me of an old joke:

Q: In Alabama, what do divorce, hurricanes and tornadoes have in common?
………………………………….
A: No matter what, someone always loses a trailer.

@Benedick: Click on the linkie to the original story to check out Levi’s other so-not-white trash tatt on his left forearm.

I feel kinda bad for the sperm donor, but not that bad.

A word of advice; next time when you’re driving for a girl’s, er, five hole. USE A CONDOM, MORAN!

I’m guessing that if Bristol keeps to what we know as Palin tradition, poor Levi’s probably not seen any of the People Cash and left him with the tax bill.

Let me see if I have this straight:
It’s okay to fuck White Trash.
Let White Trash take you to his school prom (the school you dropped out of).
Get knocked up by White Trash.
Canoodle on national television with White Trash.

But you draw the line at letting White Trash care for your and White Trash’s spawn.

Uh… ok.

I can’t believe I’m not feelin’ the schadenfreude, but while we may despise Bristol’s parents, in interview after interview, she and Levi have shown that they’re apparently decent people that got caught up in a nasty mess. My best wishes to both and the little baby. I hope they’re able to stay out of the news, since no 18 year-olds should have to deal with that.

PS: OMG Levi, call me!!

@Benedick: I, for one, am shocked, shocked that his realtionship didn’t work out. Obviously all the media’s fault. And I would pay good money to hear Judge Judy take these two to the woodshed.
As to Bristol calling Levi’s hillbilly-heroin-dealing family “white trash,” pot meet kettle.

@SanFranLefty: I guess that’s handy if he gets arrested and can’t remember his name.

@Original Andrew: I do so admire Stinquers who choose to take the high road. We have come to expect it from RML, of course, but now from you too. I am humbled.

@Original Andrew: You are a much, much better person than I am.

I just cannot get over that John McCain fucking ran out to the plane and HUGGED this fucking future meth-cooker like he was the fucking Alaskan Dauphin and then had him attend the GOP convention and let him stand on the stage with the candidates, the fucking high-school dropout white trash single father criminal.

@blogenfreude: I prefer “well fucked and far from home.”

@Original Andrew: My best wishes only to the baby. Period. That kid is going to need help.

@Prommie: the fucking Alaskan Dauphin

DUKE OF CHICAGOBORO

The dead Geezers, the pining maidens groans,
For husbands, fathers and betrothed Bristols,
That shall be swallow’d in this controversy.
This is Stinque’s claim, its threatening and my message;
Unless the Dauphin be in presence here,
To whom expressly I bring greeting too.

LEVI

For the Dauphin,
I stand here for him: what to him from Stinqueland?

DUKE OF CHICAGOBORO

Scorn and defiance; slight regard, contempt,
And any thing that may not misbecome
The mighty sender, doth he prize you at.

[Exeunt.]

OT: Oh look, it’s Bill Kristol’s 29 year old replacement at NYT. They should have just hired Meghan McCain, for crying out loud.

@SanFranLefty:
Why didn’t they get 14 year old Jonathan Krohn?

@SanFranLefty:
The look on the baby’s face in the picture says it all: “Please don’t tell me we share the same gene pool. Please.”

@Original Andrew: Feh, I say:

The father-to-be of 17-year-old Bristol Palin’s unborn child is giving Republican party minders no end of headaches. Levi Johnston (pictured) stepped into the public glare yesterday after journalists looking into the background of vice-presidential pick Sarah Palin – especially after the news was released that her unmarried daughter was pregnant – discovered his identity.

Although he has yet to speak to the press, his MySpace page has given the media plenty to feast on. He reveals on it he’s “a fucking redneck” and, worse, that he didn’t want children. The latter statement – “I don’t want kids” – appears to contradict Governor Palin’s insistence that the young lovebirds plan to marry soon. However, Johnston’s mother, Sherry, says that while no pressure has been put on her son to marry Bristol, the teenagers had made plans to wed long before it was known she was pregnant.

@SanFranLefty: Levi’s Johnson is almost as long as his arm.

@Jesuswalksinidaho: Yeah, the foam camouflage baseball cap that Levi is wearing would make even the Baby Jeebus cry.

@SanFranLefty: I speak in defense of the camouflage baseball cap. Levi, btw, is wearing a twill cap in a Realtree brand “Advantage” pattern.

@SanFranLefty: Been reading his blogue. Pompous and drunk on his own perfume. Works far too hard to have ‘style’. Seems to consider Ayn Rand’s books to be literature. Another good reason not to buy the Times.

@chicago bureau: Well played. I almost never get the song parodies here, but Henry V I recognize. I’m such a book nerd.

TJ: I just had to share.
Madoff’s lawyer, Ira Sorkin, is a partner in the firm Dickstein Shapiro.
You could not make up these names. They’re already satire.

@Mistress Cynica: Judge I interned for addressed their lawyers as hailing from “The Dickstein firm” … funny guy.@Mistress Cynica:

@Benedick @Mistress Cynica @rptrcub @blogenfreude:

All I had to do was imagine what life woulda been like had my explosive relationship with Turn Signal Dick been national news when I was their age, FSM forbid, and the pity started flowin’.

@Original Andrew:
Well, true dat, FSM knows that there are some freaky moments from my adolescence that embarrass me to think about and would have been horrifying to go through on an international stage, and there wasn’t the MySpace and the Facebook when I was 17 (though it seems some of my classmates – I don’t want to use the word “friend” necessarily – from H.S. are doing their damndest to make up for lost time on FB). And I’m sure there was some behind-the-scenes hysteronics as Talibunny told Bristol she was going to be paraded out for the fundies like some sort of 4-H sow. And for all that I feel sorry for Bristol.

BUT, and everyone I know has a big BUT, that said, my sympathy for Miss Bristol and Mr. Levi went in the toilet when they started selling baby photos to OK! magazine and doing interviews with Faux News.

Whats surrealistic is that the McCain campaign had him go out and literally embrace this shitstick on the tarmac, when the Palin hillbillies arrived for the convention, they embraced this whole sad cheap affair and tried to play it off as “family values.”

I mean, really, literally, thats fucking surreal. Its not within the realm of my imagination to think that rational people would do this thing. That the media was accepting and transmitting this fucking insane, surreal, thing.

@SanFranLefty:

I actually gained respect for Miss Bristol when she proclaimed Ignorance Ed is unrealistic–can you imagine how much courage that must’ve taken (or stupidity, if she didn’t realize that what she was saying was the most insane heresy to the Fundotards and that she’d be lucky to live through the night).

As far as the moo-lah, she’s 17 and knocked up and some furrinner fish wrapper offers her 300Gs for some baby snaps. I can’t say I woulda said no.

@Original Andrew: No, they are complete rubes, the Palins, its true, thats why it was so shocking she was put where she was. Its right to judge them as rubes, God, if you wrote her story as a fictional farce, it would flop, because noone would ever beleive the premise, that such a shit-kicking rube could find herself miraculously the candidate for VP. Noone would beleive it. Noone.

@Original Andrew: I agree. Anyhoo, we live in a free market capitalist society: you got something someone wants to buy you should at least get a good price.

@Original Andrew: I vote for stupidity and not courage.

@Promnight: But the fundies lapped it up with a fucking banana split spoon. They adored Sarah Palin in spite of Walnuts, and McCain hugging the Hockey Redneck was what made them vote for him.

@SanFranLefty:

Bristol’s lucky she didn’t have to bust outta that interview dodging poison darts Indiana Jones-style.

@Benedick:

ahem

If I may quote my esteemed colleagues, Salt ‘n Pepa:

“The difference between a hookah and a ‘ho ain’t nuthin’ but a fee.”

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