America Hates Jesus!

Americans Want to Fuck The Skull of Jesus!

Americans Want to Fuck The Skull of Jesus!

The insufferable Jesus fuckwits are dwindling in number as America descends into cannibal anarchy, betrayed by the oligarchs that used them, leaving the nation to implode into a medieval dystopia of rampant violence, unchecked disease and pandemic starvation, once and for all manifesting for one and all the futility of shrieking at statues and howling at the sky for relief from the random horror of life on an Earth ruled by a covert operation gone berserk called the Republic Party.

A survey reported out this week by a researcher at Trinity College found that the number of Americans who call themselves Christians had fallen to 76 per cent of the population – compared to 86 per cent in 1990, thank fucking God!

USAToday, interrogating the survey, reported:

So many Americans claim no religion at all (15%, up from 8% in 1990), that this category now outranks every other major U.S. religious group except Catholics and Baptists. In a nation that has long been mostly Christian, “the challenge to Christianity … does not come from other religions but from a rejection of all forms of organized religion,” the report concludes.

The report concluded that while the Jesus crazies are still with us, in mall churches that offer Wal-Mart Christianity and spiritual hand-jobs, the largest cohort shift was an astounding increase in the number of respondents who said they had no religious affiliation at all.

Well, if people are running from the pews, why the fuck doesn’t Obama take that unAmerican Bush invention, the Office of Fucking Jesus, disband it and ask for the money back from all the frauds that robbed the agency to pursue their own twisted urges and insatiable greed? Can you enlighten us, Stinquers?


Whut? Whut The FUCK?
Get offa my lawn, Jebus scum!

Chainsaw, JNOV is really going to want to marry you when she sees your graphic.

I was saddened to see Oregon pass its title of most non-believing state (34%) to Vermont, those pinko hippie freaks.

Losing my religion, indeed.

Be prepared for more shrieking of the Fundie faithful. Fanatics don’t get better when they slide to the precipice. They get louder and KRAZIER.

And something to read that will make you more paranoid.

JNOV, baked, et al. Does this sound rather familiar? Real life Martin Blanks.

Holeee shite. Explains Deborah Palfrey, verdad?

Ten dead soldiers in the honor roll for News Hour. Pinko commmie Gwen Ifill and PBS telling us about the dead soldiers.

Vis a vis fundies, and their, well, essential moral state, here is a story I have never told. Its about the very first girl I ever did the nasty with. Yup, my first. She was a fundie. I was a wild hippie longhair stoner bad boy. I was also a late bloomer, I had graduated high school with virginity intact. I was cooking in a restaurant, she was a waittress who had gone to my high school, but graduated a year before I did. Her father was a prominent local politician, she was going to one of the Harvards of the South.

We got talking one night, and it went everywhere, the meaning of life, politics (she was a liberal, there were liberal christians then, we both shared that we dreamed of working for Ted Kennedy’s presidential campaign, if he would only announce and run). And I even confessed my angst over being 18 and a high school graduate, and still a virgin, and how much I wanted to cross that threshold and could not understand what it was that made me so clumsy with the chicks.

And she gave me a long lecture about the horrors of premarital sex, what a sin it was, how wonderful it would bee to save it and share that new experience, after marriage, with the one woman I had pledged my soul to. At one point, she even said, with a beautiful southern accent, I have to add, “why, if you were to have sex with me, wouldn’t you just feel so awful in the morning?”

So of course, the next night, a saturday night, she took me, after work, to her sister’s house, because her sister was out of town, and fucked me 8 ways from sunday. Noone had ever really paid any close attention to my dick before, she crossed all the boundaries, I didn’t get to ease into it gradually, no sir.

And then, the next morning, she called me early and said “you’re coming to church with me and my family,” and, at that moment, being somewhat vulnerable, I got dressed up, and went with her and her mom and her dad, and we went to the 1st Baptist Church, and in the south, “1st” means richest, and I sat through a service, and afterwards, she introduced me to her pastor.

I had known her 48 hours.

It did not develop into anything, because she had a long term boyfriend at the time, whom she is still married to.

Christians, I tell you, I will never be able to figure that shit out.

/related Good News!/

The Washington State Senate passed a significant expansion of our state’s domestic partnership law that will convey all the remaining rights and responsibilities of marriage to registered domestic partners in spite of a huge e-mail and telephone barrage from the wrong-wingers. They also passed a bill adding the word “transgendered” to the state’s definition of sexual orientation, in order to remove any doubt that they are fully covered by anti-discrimination laws.

It’s also worth noting that three of the Republicans that I contacted voted in favor of the domestic partnership expansion, so perhaps we’re making a difference after all.

The Senate had been the wild card because it has more Dem “moderates” than the House–Dems have super-majorities in both–so passage is basically assured, and Governor Gregoire has promised to sign it.

We also have government-mandated, comprehensive medically accurate sex-education, hate crimes and anti-bullying laws, so we’ll soon be on par with California in terms of gay and lesbian equality–hooray!

I’m off to Olympia on Thursday to lobby the House hard for quick passage.

@Original Andrew:
Awesome news, especially as all early indications appear that Kahlifornya may be regressing thanks to Ken Starr’s arguments before the Cal Sup Ct.

And send me a gmail and I can hook you up with some folks leading the DP bill efforts and going to Oly to lobby if you need a ride.

@Original Andrew: Good things seem to be moving in the state legislatures, since Obama was elected. Things people would not consisder, before. NJ has a medical marijuana law moving forward. Just one small example. But its good, this shift in the wind.


Legalization advocates here have taken a timely approach to Mary Jane that’s gaining traction. Our state is in extreme fiscal distress ($8 billion dollar deficit and climbing), and there’s some talk that city and county sheriffs’ departments may have to layoff a third or more of their officers. Why not save a gajillion bucks by decriminalizing grass?

Here in NM the Catholic Church turned the heat up this year on Dems representing rural native Hispanic Catholics in the northern part of the state and just outside of urban progressive enclaves of Albuquerque, Santa Fe and maybe Taos to defeat the domestic partnerhip bill with the help of the RW Protestants and Rs down south. (NM Dems went for HRC big time in last year’s caucuses.) We might pass a deth penalty repeal this year, however.

/ checks the survey box marked “polytheistic pagan” and “theocrat” (but only back home)

@redmanlaw: Maryland, surprisingly, can’t get a repeal passed, but the Democratic Governor (hot-for-a-politician Martin O’Malley) is getting some traction on a bill to limit the death penalty to cases with either a videotaped confession or damning DNA evidence.


Strangely, we have a huge Catholic population in WA, but we hardly hear a peep outta them. It seems that I read they just got slapped with some mind-blowing sex abuse lawsuit–so huge they’ve decided to preemptively file for bankruptcy rather than go to trial–so perhaps they’re trying to keep outta the papers. I haven’t really been following it.

@Original Andrew: Conservative Hispanic native* Catholics Dems dominate where I’m at. White progressives move to Santa Fe and think everything is cool (lesbians! Wild Oats! living wage!) then it’s a cold shock outside the city limits.

*I emphasize “native” since a lot of families have been here since the 1700s. The *hate* the new wave of Latino immigrants.

It’s-way-late-and-I-should-be-asleep threadjack: The Center for American Progress has an interesting quiz up that rates how progressive you are (my score, 351/400, seems way inflated, given that the average “Liberal Democrat” scores around 247).

@mellbell: 345, and I didn’t like the spin of some of the questions, so I was being contrarian here and there.

For example: I am against puppies.

So far, looks like RML’s the closet fascist.

I’ll be curious to see whether there’s a correlation between progressivism and fake-tit awareness.

@nojo: It’s my contempt for the quislings in public broadcasting and the talentless art scammers I grew up watching. Also, I got 18 of 20 on the boobie test.

Damn, I only got a 308, and I consider myself an anarchist. Guess I really am a redneck, but I agree with Nojo, I didn’t care for a lot of those questions. How can I give an opinion about what corporations should do when I don’t even believe they should exist?

I did do an 18 on the titty test, though…

@fupduk: Long before the kids hijacked the label, I had a friend who liked to call himself an “anarchist” — mainly because it removed him from the political map. Left or Right didn’t fit him, and he hated Independent.

I tried that for awhile, but it didn’t really suit me. Instead, I went with the W.C. Fields version: I wouldn’t join any Party that would have me.

your link gave me the willies, even though i’ve been screeching it all along, haven’t i? still chilling.

@Original Andrew:
excellent. excellent.the gazillions saved by decriminalization from the courts and penal system are the tip of the iceberg. now tax it! we’ll be out of debt in no time. the weed cures all.

i want to publicly apologize to you for appointing myself border patrol the other day by spanking mr. bart. i discussed this with benedick and he assured me you surely take perverse pleasure in seeing your gentle snowflakes being themselves. i hope this is the case, i’ve put myself in the naughty chair.

T/J from far flung correspondent

i’m so purimed out. purim in israel is a week long round the clock par-tay. combination halloween, new years eve in times square, haight-ashbury c. 1967, and spring break. neighbors banging on my door at all hours, with baskets of wine and hamantashen. traffic has stopped in my neighborhood, revelers clogging the streets. i have some great pics of the festivities, when is the next jam?
the BEST costume i saw, and i saw GREAT ones (spent tuesday night dancing with dorothy in drag, size 14 feet in a pair of glittering ruby stiletto’s) was….a guy in an open robe, over a t-shirt and boxers, and the slippers, clutching a white russian. i ran up to him shrieking, THE DUDE!!!!! he said i was the first one who knew who he was, then others joined the conversation and we had a purim trade lebowski lines party!
given the circumstances, “i don’t roll on shabbas” was a fave. how cute to see the yarmulkes sticking out of bandanna’s and crazy hats. this all took place in a great little club with a killer band who whipped us all in a frenzy ending a set with a “twist and shout” surpassing animal house.
fun fun fun in old jerusaleim this week!

@baked: I’m of the let-em-play-ref school of playground patrol, and I inadvertently throw elbows myself on occasion. (As opposed to deliberately throwing elbows, which is another thing entirely, and one of my pleasures.)

I’m sure I have my limits, but I have yet to discover them in this context. (I quickly discovered my limit at CP when Greg was condescending to JNOV, for comparison.) We all have a shared sense of civility here, even if it’s a Bizarro Civility that would clear the pews anywhere else.

To draw a comparison, whenever there’s a literal catfight on the patio, I don’t rush out shouting; I just step out, quietly make my presence known as a Big Fucking Kitty, and wait until one or both combatants finds something better to do. I have yet to find a catfight here worth even that much trouble.

so, i can come out from the naughty corner?

@baked: No, but you may come back to the naughty corner. That’s where the rest of us hang out.

as jabba was wont to say, “you’re (ALL) my kinda scum!”

And that brings our All-Night Geeking Session to an end. Much easier to do programming when you’re not bombarded with client distractions.

@nojo: I’m anarchist in the sense that I think Government, Business, and Religion are all inherently evil- Strangle the king with the entrails of the last preist, property is theft, etc. That’s all great in the abstract- but of course it’s impractical, human nature being what it is. Obviously we need a social contract of some sort, and I’m for whatever does the most good for the most people.

I got 355, but I’m from Canada City. According to the wingnuts, we’re all Commies up here.

I also scored 17/20 on the fake boobies.

349. I don’t beleive in absolutes. All cats are gray in the dark.

361/400. I’m with like-minded people, but then I already knew that.


I think it’s because I’m not opposed to free trade. Who knows?

394 here. You’ve probably already noted that I tend to adopt extreme positions. But I feel compelled to point out that were one truly progressive one would not be taking their stupid, cheesy ‘quiz’ in the first place.

I am surprised that I only got a 349, considering that every time I see a tree, I am mentally calculating how many plutocrats it could hold. Swinging.

346/400. I dithered over budget deficits and free trade. Economics is hard.

330. I was a bit nuanced on the personal responsibility for good/bad results thing.

You do realize that 259 and lower would have earned you an “F” on the ideological purity scale, right? A B-minus for me sounds about right.

354. But in real news, Bernie Madoff pleaded straight up to all 11 counts this AM, and was thrown into stir.

Dodgerblue: Reportedly, the courtroom broke out into applause. If true: AWESOME. Closest thing he’ll get to a public shaming/shunning.

373 here. I tended to click on “5” for many of the economic questions because I can’t agree or disagree with what they ask when I completely disagree with the inherent assumption that economic growth is an unreservedly good thing and should always be a primary goal.

And the question about the responsibility of corporations: that isn’t a matter of opinion, but of law. Corporate executives can have the pants sued off them if they put social responsibility above shareholder profits. That’s what makes corporations so evil. Duh.

@Dodgerblue: If he cared he’d stick a gun in his own mouth, point up, fire and leave the cash for his victims. The brokers who shoveled business his way, all knowing something was sideways about his funds, should be given life sentences as physical therapists’ aids in pediatric burn units. No parole.

321. I guess that makes me a redneck around these parts. Although I did score 19/20 on the fake boobies.

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