Okay, there’s a cheat here — it’s a ceramic squirrel. Kinda spoils the fun, doesn’t it?

Or not:

A South Carolina woman was held on a domestic abuse charge for allegedly stabbing her common-law husband with a decorative ceramic squirrel when he came home late on Christmas Eve without any beer.

Now that’s journalism: A sentence that could have happily ended after “squirrel”, but continues for three additional clauses, each topping the last. We’ve seen entire movies with less story.

[via Know Your Meme]

Title: “A Year of Miracles: Daily Devotions and Reflections”

Author: Marianne Williamson

Rank: 100

Blurb: “A Year of Miracles is her collection of 365 spiritual readings, including prayers, meditations, declarations, and affirmations — one for each day of the year — that offer guidance, support, and enlightenment to focus your thinking. With this thoughtful meditative devotional, you can stay mindful, hopeful, and centered every day, producing miracles in your life.”

Read more »

I’m sure you’re shocked, downright shocked, to hear that this story comes out of Texas.

Marlise Munoz lies in a North Texas hospital, 19 weeks pregnant but with no chance of seeing her child born.

Her husband, Erick Munoz, says a doctor told him she’s brain dead, but John Peter Smith Hospital is refusing to allow him to take her off of life support. The hospital says Texas law prohibits it from following a family directive when a pregnancy is involved, although three experts say the hospital is misreading the law in question.

[…] John Peter Smith Hospital in Fort Worth is pointing to a provision of the Texas Advance Directives Act that reads: “A person may not withdraw or withhold life-sustaining treatment under this subchapter from a pregnant patient.”

It doesn’t happen often kids, but I’m at a complete fucking loss for words. I don’t know where the hell to start.

[ABC News: Pregnant, Brain Dead Woman Kept on Life Support]

Since Nojo won’t do the Stinque Awards anymore, I  bring you the chance to tell all your other Stinquers about your favorite charities for anybody who is flush with Xmas/Festivus/Hannukah cash and/or needs to get a few more tax deductions in under the wire. I don’t judge why you’re donating, so everyone else should chime in.

Suggestion # 1:

Go to Planned Parenthood’s “directed donation” web page, and find the reddest state possible (i.e. Texas, Utah, Alabama, Arkansas, South Dakota), and request that 100% of your donation go to the Planned Parenthood affiliate that’s there. I’m a big fan of the Planned Parenthood clinics in Texas, especially Hidalgo County/Rio Grande Valley.

Suggestion # 2:

__________[fill in the blank, Stinquers]________

Title: “One Direction 2014 Calendar: 18 Month”

Rank: 96

Review: “My daughter loves it she put it up in her room immediately and is keeping track of her home school schedule with it.”

Customers Also Bought: “One Direction Life-size Stand-up Cutout- Harry”

Footnote: Shaun Cassidy is 55.

One Direction 2014 Calendar [Amazon]

Buy or Die [Stinque@Amazon Kickback Link]

“It’s a rite of passage to have sex in Snuffleupagus.”

—Moby, speaking on the Nerdist podcast about Muppet Christmas parties.

Hearken back to 1966: