They Pull a Squirrel, You Pull a Moose
Okay, there’s a cheat here — it’s a ceramic squirrel. Kinda spoils the fun, doesn’t it?
A South Carolina woman was held on a domestic abuse charge for allegedly stabbing her common-law husband with a decorative ceramic squirrel when he came home late on Christmas Eve without any beer.
Now that’s journalism: A sentence that could have happily ended after “squirrel”, but continues for three additional clauses, each topping the last. We’ve seen entire movies with less story.