“The last time Olbermann took a sudden, unexplained absence from the show, it turned out to have been a hissy-fit work stoppage after Rachel Maddow booked Ben Affleck… After CityFile reported on the flap, Olbermann blamed the absence on his mother’s death, which had occurred two weeks prior.”

• Mother: 10 days
• Mother, slow, painful death, crying for sweet release between moments of morphine-induced coma: 11 days
• Mother, bus: Weekend
• Dog, bus: 30 days

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• Bad dog! Bad! Bad!
• Chadophobia.
• Too fucking stoned.

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• Gay flavored-dip bans
• Urban chickens
• Cursing edited from “live” broadcasts before they reach your time zone

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Our nation’s preachers are fed up with our nation’s gag orders:

“Pastors have a right to speak about biblical truths from the pulpit without fear of punishment. No one should be able to use the government to intimidate pastors into giving up their constitutional rights.”

That would be Erik Stanley of something called the Alliance Defense Fund, which sponsored Pulpit Freedom Sunday yesterday. And who could disagree with him? No reason preachers shouldn’t enjoy the same free-speech rights as the rest of us.

For that matter, no reason preachers shouldn’t also enjoy the same taxation rights. You give up your tax exemptions and render unto Caesar, and we’ll fully support your judgment about how best to render unto God.

And there’s the rub. They want it both ways.

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A year ago today, we switched cars in the parking lot. 2008 had been a long, strange trip, and we were due for a final turn before finally reaching the Interstate. 1,500 posts and almost 50,000 comments later, the ride has been so smooth you could trim a baby’s dick.

We’re sticking with January 19 as the official anniversary of Our Collective Adventure, so no need to buy gifts. Although if you insist on running up a tab using our Amazon Kickback Link, we won’t stop you.

Folks of a literary bent are familiar with the story of how Max Perkins took Thomas Wolfe’s manuscripts to a rendering plant and walked away with Look Homeward, Angel. Or how Gordon Lish trimmed Raymond Carver’s work to the bone and invented minimalism with What We Talk About When We Talk About Love.

Perkins and Lish were editors, not ghostwriters, and their work is (or used to be) considered part of the publishing game. So we’re mildly amused by recurring rumors that Barack Obama had a Little Helper with Dreams From My Father.

Name of Bill Ayers.

As conspiracy theories go, this one’s definitely a letdown after our recent multiple Orlygasms. But since WorldNetDaily is running with it, what the heck.

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• L.A. Cockblocks Citizens
• Council Clamps Cocks
• Ordinance Targets Cocksmen
• City Puts Squeeze on Cocks
• Cockbusters
• Cocks Ring Los Angeles
• Cocks Around the Clock
• Noisy Cocks Disturb Neighborhoods
• Angelinos Awakened by Cocks
• Cock-a-Doodle-Don’t!

L.A. council limits roosters to one per household [LAT]