Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the future of the GOP (audio NSFW):
Ten bucks says he posts regularly on Free Republic.
Wow. I had no idea they had DSL service in Appalachia now. Or computers, for that matter.
Oh well. I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before a tornado takes Fatass, his Dell and his trailer and drops them from 1000ft in the air through a series of live electrical wires and the roof of a Wal-Mart.
@Tommmcatt is hunkered down in the trenches: He looks more stormfront.org to me.
@blogenfreude: @Jamie bar the door:
He’s one of those people that look seventy at twenty. Poor slob.
TJ/ How did we manage to get a negative number of votes on one of the line items on that poll? Weird.
@Tommmcatt is hunkered down in the trenches: Dunno. But it probably has something to do with the fact that the other options add up to 101%
With that kind of charisma it won’t be long before he becomes the new “Joe the plumber”. …”Dave the diyuper” has a nice ring to it.
I saw the story earlier today and I thought, What the fuck is flavored tobacco? I’d like to thank our future Darwin Award winner for clarifying.
@Tommmcatt is hunkered down in the trenches: That negative shows up frequently. Secret Widget Math, I guess.
@Tommmcatt is hunkered down in the trenches: We subcontracted the polls to Diebold.
@water: I’d like to see him and Maru in a battle of wits.
Hold on, you’re new. Unfair of me to drop a running gag on you. Grab a beer — you’ll need it for the initiation.
I lasted a whole 29 sec on that video. Did anyone make the entire 7:44? I shudder to think how many brain cells that would destroy.
@Jamie bar the door: That’s what the tax on your phone and cable pays for–DSL for hillbillies.
@nojo: I’ve lurking a while.
Chaw = fur ball?
@nojo: the southerns use this tobacco product called “dip.” The most famous of them is Skoal, who could forget doomed Oilers running back, whatsisname, and his commercial, in which he says “Skoal, brother,” in an effort to get teh blacks to take up the redneck habit. Dip is shredded tobacco, comes in a tin, its very moist, and its usually flavored, you put “just a pinch between your lip and gums,” and you let it sit there, the nicotine is absorbed very well through the mouth and you get quite the nicotine buzz. But you have to spit out all saliva that gets in your mouth and mixes with the tobacco juices, if you swallow it, you will puke. So, most rednecks who dip walk around all day with a used tobacco cup that the spit tobacco juice into, its so genteel. They also have a big bulge in one or the other side of the front of their bottom jaw, where the tobacco is sitting, and it makes them talk funny.
There is a similar product, I don’t know what its called, same thing, except that the tobacco is in big leaves, often called “chaw.” Now that I think, dip is sometimes called snuff, but its not real snuff, real snuff is powdered tobacco you snort up your nose.
Anywhoo, it comes in flavors, for the kiddies, and thats what this guy is up in arms about, he apparently likes the fruity pebbles flavor.
My favorite part of this video is his stove, behind him. Look carefully, you will see a browning sleeve from a hot pocket, and the best of all, on top of the stove, is a portable butane hotpplate thing, apparently his stove doesn’t work, so he has another little stove on top of it that does. Jeff Foxworthy has a joke, “You know you are a redneck if your working TV is setting on top of your non-working TV.” This guy’s working stove is sitting on top of his non-working stove.
I love this guy, this is what I have been going on about, when I talk about what I encountered in high school in teh south.
I would watch a reality show built around this guy’s life. This is Joe Dirt, this is kentucky, the red states, the flyover states, the real america that Palin talks about.
@water: Any excuse for a Bill the Cat reference.
@nojo: Hey, I never got initiated!
@Mistress Cynica: I watched the whole thing – it’s in my contract.
And this is what they do with it? I want my money back.
@Mistress Cynica: Well, at 2:58 we see his spittoon.
Which is important, since he says “I’m gonna stand up for what’s right” between leaning down and spitting into it two dozen times.
That’s cuz you’re a gurrl. They made Benedick eat a jockstrap.
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That other product is called simply chewing tobacco. “Chaw” is a term used only in reference to the bit taken into the mouth to be chewed. Skoal is only one brand of the so-called smokeless tobaccos, and not as popular as Copenhagen… which is the product this dunce is displaying.
Both Skoal and Copenhagen are in the evolutionary chain started by chewing tobacco and snuff. In fact, both are considered to be snuff, even though old time snuff was “snorted” and not chewed. As with all tobacco products, these are quite addictive, and their use is only slightly less attractive than cigarettes.
So long as a dipper or chewer doesn’t spit on my shoe, I don’t let the habit bother me all that much.
Gentle folk do not partake of oral tobacco products in public. Their use is a private affair. This dunce is obviously not gentle.
@Promnight: In “brotherhooddippers are fuckin gay” (Op. 167), two Mug rootbeer cans are revealed on the stove. Is this significant?
@blogenfreude: Shouldn’t you channel your masochistic tendencies into cock rings and whips instead of watching overweight mouthbreathers screaming about the Nigra coming to steal their chaw?
Needless to say, I don’t want to waste those 7 minutes of my life watching this when I can rely on you for the synopsis.
I fear for your long-term health and sanity when you’re going on regular runs into the Confederate States of Teabaggers for material.
@Mistress Cynica: I answered you on the phantom thread w/r/t Shelley Oh!’s outfit last night.
@SanFranLefty: Saw that. Loved the bit about the Swedes.
@mulebreath: Nailed it. Fun stories about chewing tobacco: ball players balled it up with chewing gum for an extra long chewing pleasure; I learned that from Jim Bouton in the 70s. Chewing Red Man and smoking a pipe, at the same time, gives you the closest buzz you can get to weed as a sixteen year old; I learned that from my bestest high school friend.
Skoal and Copenhagen, as their names suggest, are distinctly Nordic. I’ve worked with many a Swede and Dane who has taken up stick tobacco only because he couldn’t get the good tins of snuff.
There are now flavored tobacco “packets” that I think go by the MadMen created name “Snu”; the Pennsyltucky legislature decided that it was okay to tax the gate at art galleries, allow table games (sorry to the Stinque OH this may affect), and even raise the “sin tax” on smokes and liquor, but they will not touch “snu”.
@Tommmcatt is hunkered down in the trenches: No one ever made me eat a jockstrap. It just came natural.
@mulebreath: Fascinating. Really. Fascinating.
@nojo: No. It’s not significant.
Looks like the Talibunny has a running mate.
@mulebreath: Yup. I thought that chaw was the leafy product as opposed to the “snuff” like Copenhagen. Back in jr high and high school we used Copenhagen as well as the actual snuff snorted off the back of one’s hand. Prom – Out west, we didn’t use spittoons.
I used to hang with the cowboys among others since basically everyone at my school were friends except the grinds, the hoods and the assholes. Saw one of my old buddies at the recent reunion. He has leased his dad’s old place and helps out the neighboring ranchers in a place where the ranches are so big that they have their own airstrips. Anyway, in addition to ranching, my friend is also drawing and sculpting. He jury rigged his own bronze pouring operation to cast a life size sculpture for a commission. That’s the kind of people I grew up with.
This guy is on track toward astronomical health care bills. Smokeless tobacco users have unbelievable rates of cancer in the lips, gums and mouth. Many end up having chunks chopped out of their faces. I predict he’ll grab every penny of socialist government assistance he can find.
I had to double check, but apparently there are TWO dip-loving redneck idiots who look nearly identical on Youtube.
http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Operation_Fat_Fuck (link not remotely SFW, or anywhere else for that matter)
Apparently the idiot described on the link above thought dropping his real address/phone number to Anon would be a good idea. He got learned THAT lesson real good…
@al2o3cr: There are others? Is DiyupTube a subgenre of fat fucks chawing for their webcams?
This actually makes a perverse kind of sense, since Our Hero has racked up 184 little-watched videos all doing the same thing. Surely he didn’t come up with this idea himself.
As noted, there’s at least two as the one in this post is different than “Bobby Hill” from Op. Fat Fuck. I didn’t believe it either, but it’s apparently true.
@nojo: Fears realized. Went poking around, and Our Hero is definitely not alone. All DiyupTube vids follow the same format: Hold can up to camera, drawl, chew, spit.
Come to think of it, all Fox News programs work like that as well.
@al2o3cr: Y’know, I’m completely fascinated by this. The classic line of existential dread needs to be updated: Hell is Other Dippers.
@SanFranLefty: This is part of my right brain’s plot to make me move to London.
And I had no idea everyone would be so fascinated with this … it’s almost performance art. It’s … like a distillation of much of the problem.
@blogenfreude: I’m still groping for understanding. Right now I’m thinking Warhol. Or John Cage. The sheer temporal emptiness of it, repeated ad infinitum.
Sure, we’re familiar with stoopid. We highlight it all the time. But I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a manifest case of flatlining.
@blogenfreude: This is what Americans have become. The human race has devolved from Shakespeare, Jefferson, and Voltaire to this. Eerily enough, the time stamp seems to indicate that The Onion nailed the prediction that Nadir Of Western Civilization To Be Reached This Friday At 3:32 P.M. almost exactly, if one assumes they meant GMT.
@blogenfreude: I assume at this point you’ve booked your one way flight to Heathrow?
You just can’t help but watch another human being face destruction, whether it’s a quick and vicious act or a slow and pathetic self evisceration. Something in our caveman DNA demands this kind of voyeurism. Our hairy ancestors must surely have preferred to watch someone else get filleted by the neighborhood saber tooth.
Perhaps we feel better about our own lives when we watch someone like Davey boy broadcast his pathetically miserable and doomed existence. However blissful he is in his ignorance we watch and subconsciously think, “glad that’s not me”.
@water: I’d feel a lot better thinking, “glad he doesn’t vote.”
There is another way of looking at this: his like has always been with us they just didn’t have web cams before so we didn’t have to see too far inside his head. He pumped our gas or carried our bags to the car at the Piggly-Wiggly. And tugged his forelock when we tipped him. But this frisson we feel at being invited inside his home – might there not be an element of class in our reaction? A smidge, perhaps? Think how entirely devoid of comfort of purpose its life has been till now. His greatest accomplishment seems to be the ability to chew tobacco. Educate him – or at least teach him how to talk – and make him lose weight, it could be a stock-jobber on the floor of ‘Change’.
@blogenfreude: Don’t think they’re any better there. Last time I was in Scotland I was visiting an uncle and we all spent the evening at the Working Men’s Club conveniently sited through a hole in the chain-link fence at the bottom of the ‘garden’. I got home before the others and was fixing something to eat when there was a hammering at the back door. I opened it to find a young man with blood all over his shirt. He was drunk and had fallen over and lost the tip of his finger. He wanted a flash-light so he could find it and get it stitched back on. Then my uncle and cousins arrived. A kind of desultory search was underway. I was, naturally enough, hysterical. But it turned out that he’d lost the same tip of the same finger the night before so no one was very much concerned. It had become almost a hobby. Idiots are always among us. The only thing different about the UK (to call it by its proper name so as not to upset nojo) is that over the years the ruling-class has learned how to better control the peasantry.
@Benedick: The only thing different about the UK (to call it by its proper name so as not to upset nojo)
All I ask is that you limeys make up your fucking minds about it, or I’ll just go back to calling everything “England”. And I know how much everyone loves that.
@nojo: I posted about this some days ago: the different terms all mean different things and reflect the history of the various nations and their relationships. If needs be I will do it over. Because, as a Scot, I will not be called English.
@Benedick: Yes, yes, all those acts of union and unions of crowns and all that. But Germans and Italians don’t insist that we memorize the minutiae of their national evolutions, and they were a lot more fucked up than yours.
@Benedick: It’s funny you should say this. Like the good little elitist I am, I thought about how he was really just one of the “peasants” that have made up the vast, yet unknown and unrecorded, mass of humanity throughout history. In a way, our fascination with these videos is like that of the Victorians with Dickens’ portrayals of the underclass and the Modernists with Faulkner’s depictions of white trash in the South.
I smell graduate seminar.
@Mistress Cynica: The first part of the Englishman’s comment is indeed the more interesting, even if I got caught up in the Clever Banter. Our drawing-room comedy will be in out-of-town tryouts this fall.
But I would make the point that we ridicule idiots wherever we find them, whatever their education or station in life. I remain fascinated by the debate-team cynicism of the neocons — I’m just more familiar with them by now.
@nojo: I hope you’re not comparing the proud history of the Sceptered Isle with some random collection of gimcrack principalities and duchys whose most pressing concern was how much salt to put in the water when boiling the pasta.
There are England, Wales, Scotland. Each with her own history and traditions; and in the case of Scotland, money and law.
Three contiguous kindoms; Wales and Scotland independent till overrun by Limey scum to form Britain, home now to Brits or the British. The English live in Surrey, complaining about the weather.
Add Ireland (duck to avoid the bombs), Man, Orkneys, Hebrides, etc = Great Britain.
Throw in everything else, Channel Islands, etc = United Kingdom.
Oh, and I’m not suggesting this dolt shouldn’t be mocked. I just wonder how much of our mockery comes from a class reaction: he’s not one of ours. You see how watching Judge Judy through the years has opened my eyes.
@Benedick: You lost me after Braveheart.
Just to clarify: That new stuff from Camel is called “Snus” (pronounced: “snooce”).
I believe it’s what the Swedes and Norwegians call snuff, as I’ve heard many an old Swede farmer around here refer to his can of Cope as “snus”. (Or by one as his “heart medicine”…lol.)
I think it’s similar to an Scandinavian product called Oliver Twist.
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