Mob favorite Sarah “Talibunny” Palin came out strong against opponent Michael “Tossed Salad” Steele this weekend in the Wingnut Tournament semifinals, drawing spectacular fire from former teammate John “Psychogeezer” McCain, and sucking the air from the court with run-and-gun infighting. Steele’s new Obama’s-Just-Not-Into-Me defense withered in face of the onslaught.

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Title: Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

Authors: Jane Austen, Seth Grahame-Smith

Rank: 23

Blurb: “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies features the original text of Jane Austen’s beloved novel with all-new scenes of bone-crunching zombie action. As our story opens a mysterious plague has fallen upon the quiet English village of Meryton and the dead are returning to life! Feisty heroine Elizabeth Bennet is determined to wipe out the zombie menace but she’s soon distracted by the arrival of the haughty and arrogant Mr. Darcy.”

Excerpt: “[Mr. Darcy] cut the two zombies with savage yet dignified movements. He then made quick work of beheading the slaughtered staff, upon which Mr. Bingley politely vomited into his hands.”

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Flyer from the Jehovah’s Witnesses found stuffed in our door Saturday morning. Either that, or the Doobie Brothers are on a reunion tour.

Some exciting GOP Tournament play this week, as Sarah “Talibunny” Palin introduced her volcanic “Monitor This” offense against archrival Bobby “The Exorcist” Jindal, throwing elbows to her own Republican legislators for good measure.

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1. Ed Asner wanted to get his hairy mitts on her: “Every once in a while, he’d grab me and whisper, ‘You’re God’s gift to man!'” But not fat men. She promised to jump in the sack with him if he lost 32 pounds. He ended up three pounds short.

2. Andy Williams wanted to get his non-hairy mitts on her, crooning about a “tryst with caviar and champagne.” They came that close, but when she opened his glove compartment — this is not a metaphor — photographs of his wife and daughter fell out. “[It] ended not in a fiery affair but as it should have, with a light, friendly kiss.”

And here we must demurely pause, because you do not want to know #3. You really don’t. It’s Friday night — surely there’s a game still on, or a DVD you haven’t watched yet. We know you have better things to do.

No?

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Nojo to MSNBC:

Well, we follow in the political-commentary tradition of George Carlin and Lewis Black, so we like to make full use of the language. Soon as the world itself becomes less profane, we’ll reconsider.

MSNBC to Nojo:

I understand. And your blog site is a very good one with both entertainment and political value. MSNBC is really starting to scrutinize our members more closely. In a tough economy, advertisers have tighter ad budgets and although this type of language has become more mainstream it can still be distasteful for some companies.

We thought scrutinizing our member is what got us into this mess.

Say it ain’t fucking so, Joe!

After MSNBC scolded us yesterday for using language unfit for a vice president on the floor of the Senate, we feared that our potty mouths were a bigger threat to the Republic than war crimes carried out in our name. But thankfully, MSNBC’s online health columnist tells us we’re just doing what comes naturally when faced with the profanity of the world:

“There are a lot of elements that are out of our control right now and as a result, there’s a lot more frustration, a lot more fear and anxiety,” [L.A. psychotherapist Nancy Irwin] says. “When people feel that, many cuss. Swearing is something that gives us an instantaneous release.”

That it does. And we’re not alone in seeking the bliss of a Chaucerian outburst — Gallup finds that 74 percent of Americans frequently “encounter” profanity in public. Online, the delightful site Cursebird tracks real-time swearing on Twitter — Thursday leaders included fuck, shit, bitch, bastard and twat.

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