There’s no context like out of context.

WTOC-TV [Savannah, Georgia]

Title: Patriots: A Novel of Survival in the Coming Collapse

Author: James Wesley Rawles

Rank: 49

Blurb: “Part novel, part survivalist-handbook, Patriots tells of a small group of friends facing every American’s worst nightmare — the total collapse of society. The stock market plummets and hyperinflation cripples commerce and then a seemingly isolated financial crisis passes the tipping point when an unprepared government fails to act. Practically overnight, the fragile institutions of democracy fall apart and every American is forced to survive on their own.”

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Earth Day is next Wednesday, and as a public service we offer what’s being promoted as the environmentally friendly way to get rid of yourself: underwater burial in an artificial reef.

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Products on sale at “Shop in Private,” which must have a fascinating customer list:

ManDelay

Mandelay is FDA approved and helps you last longer before you ejaculate.

Coochy Shave

Coochy Conditioning Shave cream is a rash-free body shave for all areas of the body (legs, underarms, pubic area and face). Coochy leaves skin smooth and soft. Coochy Shave is also a highly moisturized hair conditioner that will soften the coarsest body hair. Beards too!

Teddy Bear Vibe Hider

Let this Teddy Bear Vibe Hider be your best friend, and it will keep all of your most intimate secrets safe. This super soft bear is 22″ tall, and totally hug-able. It feels just like a normal teddy bear, but in its back, there is a secret pouch.

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WorldNetDaily: “1 million attend tea parties in 50 states”

Americans for Tax Reform: “We’ve now compiled 289 Tea Parties with about 360,495 attendees.”

Note: The “official” ATR list includes 10,000 for Sacramento — which Fox News notably doubled from a local police estimate, and Nate Silver calls at 3,500.

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This has been making the rounds the past couple months, but it just reached our in-box today.

Hyundai Assurance Commercial [Funny or Die]

OSHA for torturers, as provided by the U.S. Department of Justice’s Office of Legal Counsel in a May 20, 2005, memo released to the ACLU on Thursday.

1. Dietary manipulation.

This technique involves the substitution of commercial liquid meal replacements for normal food, presenting detainees with a bland, unappetizing, but nutritionally complete diet. … In general, minimum daily fluid and nutritional requirements are estimated using the following formula:

• Fluid requirement: 35 ml/kg/day. This may be increased depending on ambient temperature, body temperature, and level of activity…
• Calorie requirement: The CIA generally follows as a guideline a calorie requirement of 900 kcal/day + 10 kcal/kg/day. This quantity is multiplied by 1.2 for a sedentary activity level or 1.4 for a moderate activity level. … Calories are provided using commercial liquid diets (such as Ensure Plus), which also supply other essential nutrients and make for nutritionally complete meals.

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