Earth Day is next Wednesday, and as a public service we offer what’s being promoted as the environmentally friendly way to get rid of yourself: underwater burial in an artificial reef.
The death experts at Neptune Memorial Reef will mix you up with some cement, pour you into a mold, then drop you on the ocean floor off Key Biscayne with hundreds of your fellow cremainders in a living dead sculpture destined to become the backdrop for a live-action SpongeBob movie:
This reef with its 16 acres complete, will save as much as 100 acres of dry land; 120,000 of the average size cemetery plots (9’x4′) would take up over 99 acres. (Even if every person who chose to be placed in NMR were already going to be cremated, a 120,000 of the average size cremation plots would take up over 4 acres).
All ecologically appropriate, it would seem. Right up to the point where “the reef is busy on the weekends with private and commercial dive boats exploring the underwater city.” But we’ll presume that inconvenient detail will be finessed once gas hits five bucks again.