It may be Obama’s Waterloo, but we haven’t been able to muster excitement for health-care policy — mainly because any effective proposal is automatically forbidden from consideration. But since Barry’s driving it into a Prime Time press conference, we feel obligated to raise our groggy head ever so slightly to take notice.

So welcome to our Open Thread/Slumber Party, in which we tell each other horror stories and compare underoos. Alas, we personally are unable to attend because of getting soused an important meeting, but you’re welcome to follow the action here. Or just dream up future home materials for Maru to conquer.

• “I’d tell you, but then I’d have to smite you.”
• “Why is it always Latin with you people?”
• “Why don’t you download Xenu’s app and ask him yourself?”
• “Has anybody ever thought to ask whether I hear the tree?”
• “Prosperity Gospel beseechers require an upgrade to iPray Plus.”

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After minutes months of extensive googling research by our crack team of iPhone couch jockeys professional investigators, Stinque can Exclusively! reveal the Shocking! truth: Abraham Lincoln never had a birth certificate.

Despite what you’ve been told by mainstream historians, no evidence exists that Lincoln flew the chute in the United States, and was thus a natural born citizen. The only “proof” that Abe was born in Hardin County, Kentucky, was provided by Lincoln himself — just before the 1860 campaign. Clearly he was “sanitizing” his past in expectation of the presidential nomination.

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• Singlehandedly saving humanity from an invasion of giant robots.
• Drinking our twenty-seventh consecutive glass of Tang.
• Devilishly cackling from our lair in the next crater.

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We’re not on our game today, so have at it:

Police said the driver was trying to turn the Wienermobile around in the driveway and thought she was moving in reverse. But she instead went forward and hit the home. It sat in the driveway as if it were stuck in the garage Friday afternoon.

Oscar Mayer Wienermobile crashes into Wis. home [AP]

Title: “The Family: The Secret Fundamentalism at the Heart of American Power”

Author: Jeff Sharlet

Rank: 6

Blurb: “Sharlet is present when a leader tells a dozen men living there, ‘You guys are here to learn how to rule the world.'” (Publishers Weekly)

Review: “This book is very poorly written about a group of people who are insignificant.”

Customers Also Bought: “Idiot America: How Stupidity Became a Virtue in the Land of the Free,” by Charles P. Pierce

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Because we take pride in ignoring things until absolutely unavoidable, we had no idea that Wonkette desecrator Ken Layne existed before showing up at Sploid, Gawker Media’s brief foray into Drudge-abatement. And hey, we liked him there. Heck, we even liked him at Brand W, before he fired Megan, and then we hated him. But that was before Megan hated us. Long story.

And we would have remained ignorant of Ken’s Dark Past had we not stumbled across a reference to predictions for 2003 from the likes of Little Green Footballs, Instapundit, and assorted other wingnuts.

Or, to use the jargon of the day: warbloggers.

Let’s enjoy a few of Ken’s predictions:

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