A few weeks back, a player from our hometown college team got in the first punch of the season following a loss to the Famous Potatoes of Boise State. Big deal — Oregon’s mascot has been in better fights than that. And Stanford’s band puts them all to shame.

So you’ll forgive us if we don’t cry in our Disney-licensed Duck Towel. Especially when we’ve been spending the morning figuring out the damn keg tap for today’s Stinque Tailgate. We have no idea who’s playing who. And with luck, by noon we’ll be too drunk to care.

Escorted by his bodyguards, former Iranian President Mohammad Khatami is attacked by hardliners as he attends a Quds Day rally in Tehran. (AP)

Every year, Iran’s overlords celebrate Quds Day, a Five-Minute Hate for the masses to stand up as one in opposition to the Zionist devils. Held the last Friday of Ramadan, it’s guaranteed to bring the crowds to the streets.

Which, given the mood of Iran’s subjects citizenry lately, may not have been such a good idea:

Tens of thousands of protesters swarmed the streets of Tehran and at least two other Iranian cities Friday, audaciously turning an annual rally in support of the Palestinian cause into the first major demonstration against the government of President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad in six weeks.

Oops.

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Soviet Puppet/Shrub Appointee Judge Clay Land spent seven pages today smacking down Orly Taitz again, after Wednesday’s 14-page whack didn’t get the message through. Let’s listen in!

Instead of seriously addressing the substance of the Court’s order, counsel repeats her political diatribe against the President…, accuses the undersigned of treason, and maintains that ‘the United States District Courts in the 11th Circuit are subject to political pressure, external control, and … subservience to the same illegitimate chain of command which Plaintiff has previously protested.'”

You’re out of order! The whole trial is out of order!

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Orly Taitz, you’ve just been smacked down by a federal judge!

Plaintiff’s counsel, who champions herself as a defender of liberty and freedom, seeks to use the power of the judiciary to compel a citizen, albeit the President of the United States, to “prove his innocence” to “charges” that are based upon conjecture and speculation. Any middle school civics student would readily recognize the irony of abandoning fundamental principles upon which our Country was founded in order to purportedly “protect and preserve” those very principles.

Do you…

a) Call the judge a “typical puppet of the regime — just like in the Soviet Union”?

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_iS-9oh8nkc

Fast and Furry-ous debuted September 16, 1949. How could we miss the 60th anniversary of the first Road Runner cartoon?

Meet the new Voice of Reason at Fox News…

O’REILLY: But you know, I want that, Ms. Owcharenko. I want that. I want, not for personally for me, but for working Americans, to have a option, that if they don’t like their health insurance, if it’s too expensive, they can’t afford it, if the government can cobble together a cheaper insurance policy that gives the same benefits, I see that as a plus for the folks.

Bill O’Reilly: Socialist. Did we miss an exit?

O’Reilly endorses the public option, which he previously called ‘socialism.’ [Think Progress]

Joe, as we’ll call him, was frustrated. He was looking forward to extensive reports of the largest protest in world history, and nobody covered it. Not CNN. Not MSNBC. Not even the World Fishing Network.

“I surfed all channels Sunday looking for the big story on the D.C. march and found none — save Fox News,” he told WorldNetDaily. “I was infuriated. How can anyone who calls themselves a journalist ignore this?”

Indeed. The angry mob on the Mall could have easily filled all but the upper deck of FedExField — and nobody in DC ignores the Redskins. Whose microphone do you have to suck to get some attention in this country?

And then, bursting forth from a blazing ring of Oxycontin, Rush Limbaugh provided the answer:

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