Anthony Galluccio swears he’s innocent. No, not for the hit-and-run — he fessed to that, and the Massachusetts state senator has been confined to his home for six months. But the terms of his probation include random alcohol testing, and he set off the breathalyzer several times Monday.

His excuse? Toothpaste.

After discussing it with a physician, we have determined that is the result of my using two toothpastes — Colgate Total Whitening and Sensodyne Toothpaste, both of which contain sorbitol. While I knew that mouthwash or cold medicine would set the machine off, it did not occur to me that toothpaste would.

Didn’t occur to us either, but we’re adding Colgate Anticavity Single Malt to our shopping list.

Galluccio Flunks Alcohol Test, Blames Toothpaste [WCVB]

Ornament		Meaning
	Mao	The Che ornament was sold out.
	Transvestite	We know why Rudy’s not running for Senate.
	Rushmore Obama	Will Smith has been signed to the North by Northwest remake.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0uxURKIFqU

Robert Byrd may have dodged Tom Coburn’s Holy Bullet on Sunday — “What the American people ought to pray is that somebody can’t make the vote tonight” — but a caller to C-SPAN this morning feared that God may have gotten His signals crossed:

Our small teabag group here in Waycross, we got our vigil together and took Dr. Coburn’s instructions and prayed real hard that Sen. Byrd would either die or couldn’t show up at the vote the other night.

How hard did you pray because I see one of our members was missing this morning. Did it backfire on us? One of our members died? How hard did you pray senator? Did you pray hard enough?

Playing the part of Deer In Headlights is John Barrasso (R-Cheneyland), who was unable to explain why James Inhofe skipped today’s cloture vote, nor whether Inhofe deserves to live.

After Coburn Asked Americans To Pray ‘Somebody’ Misses Health Care Vote, Inhofe Skips Today’s Roll Call [ThinkProgress]

Senate Republicans have decided that eggnog trumps politics, so the final-final (but not final-final-final) vote on the healthcare bill is now scheduled for 8 a.m. Thursday.

Action then moves to the conference committee, where plenty of mischief still awaits:

As the Senate prepares to vote on health care reform, American voters “mostly disapprove” of the plan 53 – 36 percent and disapprove 56 – 38 percent of President Barack Obama’s handling of the health care issue, according to a Quinnipiac University poll released today…

While voters oppose the health care plan, they back two options cut from the Senate bill, supporting 56 – 38 percent giving people the option of coverage by a government health insurance plan and backing 64 – 30 percent allowing younger people to buy into Medicare.

So Americans support the provisions that Douchebag Joe undermined, but Douchebag Joe won’t support the provisions Americans want, so the only way to get a successful healthcare bill is to embrace failure, and does somebody smell smoke?

U.S. Voters Oppose Health Care Plan By Wide Margin, Quinnipiac University National Poll Finds; Voters Say 3-1, Plan Should Not Pay For Abortions [Quinnipiac University]

On a day when the GOP should be crowing over a meaningless congressional party switch, Michael Steele has managed to distract attention:

Michael S. Steele, Republican National Committee chairman, is using his title to market himself for paid appearances nationwide, personally profiting from speeches with fees of up to $20,000 at colleges, trade associations and other groups — an unusual practice criticized by a string of past party chairmen.

We know, we know — who can expect a dude to survive on a $223,500 salary?

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Politico reports that a Demrat Congresscritter you’ve never heard of — Parker Griffith of Alabama — is turning Repug today:

The switch represents a coup for the House Republican leadership, which had been courting Griffith since he publicly criticized the Democratic leadership in the wake of raucous town halls during the summer.

Yes, Politico, a “coup” that doesn’t change the balance of power in the House, that doesn’t affect the results from upstate New York, and isn’t nearly as momentous as Arlen Specter’s flip last spring — a flip that gave Senate Demrats sixty votes once Senator Al was sworn in.

But hey, slow day. We understand.

Exclusive: Rep. Parker Griffith switches to GOP [Politico]

My husband recently read an article on the Web that the Bible forbids Christians from having a Christmas tree in their house (Jeremiah 10:3.) was the Bible verse that the article listed. Our children are going to be crushed if we don’t have a tree this Christmas. What can I do?

Signed,
Peggy

Dear Peggy,

You, your husband, and your whiny children are well and truly fucked. Your husband has discovered the dirty secret of Christmas: Everything involved in our celebration of the holiday stems from pagan rituals, developed by Satan millennia ago as a ticking timebomb that not even Jack Bauer can defuse before your life takes a commercial break.

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