While researching the morning doorstop, we stumbled across this campaign photo 1982 Cosmo spread of Scott Brown, winner of their “America’s Sexiest Man” contest, and better known these days as the Republican candidate to replace Teddy as Massachusetts senator in next Tuesday’s election.

“Scott Brown may be peaking or surfacing too early,” says Charles Krauthammer, sparing us the effort.

Senator Is the Centerfold [Cosmo, via RedState]

Actually, this has nothing to do with Todd, at least not directly. But we can’t get Big Lebowski references out of our head, not with Sarah Palin heading to Vegas to pick up a hundred grand for squawking at a bowling-industry convention, and not with her efforts to deny she thought Saddam was behind 9/11.

And what goes with Saddam and bowling? Drinks!

“Governor Palin is a great supporter of America’s free enterprise system and understands that industries like the beverage alcohol industry play a key role in driving our national economy. We’re proud and honored to welcome her as a speaker,” stated Craig Wolf, WSWA’s president and CEO. “We expect she will share with the convention attendees her analysis of the current political environment and her vision for America’s future,” Wolf added.

Mark your calendars for April 6-8, at Caesars. Slip the usher a sawbuck for good seats at the tit show.

WSWA Secures Sarah Palin as Keynote Speaker at 2010 Convention [Wine & Spirits Wholesalers of America]

We’ll let Ned Beatty open our proceedings with an invocation:

“You have meddled with the primal forces of nature!”

That’s what happens when you fuck with one of the last institutions of American broadcasting. NBC did it once before, when they threw over Dave for Jay, and they’re doing it again with the botched reverse-transition from Jay to Conan to Jay.

But this isn’t really about Jay or Dave or Conan. It’s about Johnny. And Sigourney’s dad.

Read more »

In the wake of such crowd-pleasers as live-action versions of The Flintstones, Scooby-Doo and Howard the Duck, Robert Zemeckis will be shitting on what’s left of your childhood with a motion-capture remake of Yellow Submarine for Disney. Actors will be donning ping-pong-laden bodysuits for the film, which could be almost as trippy as a Peter Max animation, but probably not. Especially without drugs.

As news of the film breaks, psychologists are already lining up to offer expensive withdrawal programs for depressed filmgoers unable to cope with a reality that doesn’t include floating talking hands.

Robert Zemeckis finds Beatles for ‘Yellow Submarine’ [Hollywood Reporter]

We’d like to take this moment to observe that neither Democrats, Republicans, Progressives, nor Teabaggers — nay, even Sarah Palin — have a finger on the pulse of the nation. Otherwise they all would have been talking about something else yesterday.

Update: Conan quits. Sort of.

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Apparently some fans of an immersive blockbuster 3-D movie are having trouble stepping out of the pool when the film ends:

On the fan forum site “Avatar Forums,” a topic thread entitled “Ways to cope with the depression of the dream of Pandora being intangible,” has received more than 1,000 posts from people experiencing depression and fans trying to help them cope. The topic became so popular last month that forum administrator Philippe Baghdassarian had to create a second thread so people could continue to post their confused feelings about the movie…

Other fans have expressed feelings of disgust with the human race and disengagement with reality.

Well, that’s pretty much our adult life. Without the glasses.

Audiences experience ‘Avatar’ blues [CNN]

[People]