Title: “The Associated Press Stylebook 2009”

Rank: 91

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Footnote: But enough about that. We just need a cheap excuse to run some recent Greatest Tweets from FakeAPStylebook…

• When burying the lede always eliminate any witnesses.
• Avoid using the term ‘white paper.’ Use ‘Wall Street Journal’ instead.
• Passive voice is used when the receiver of an action is more important than the performer. Ex: Your mom was banged.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_8xk360Kzcc

Something this week brought to mind David Letterman’s 1986 visit to GE headquarters, delivering a fruit basket to his new corporate masters, who had just bought NBC. Apparently the New York Times was thinking about it too, since they scouted a YouTube clip for us.

We don’t know whether Michael Moore was inspired by Letterman’s bit for his 1989 GM documentary, or whether there was just a late-Eighties zeitgeist at work. What we do know is that we had completely forgotten The Official General Electric Corporate Handshake, which remains A Gesture For Our Times.

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What you need to know about pestorking a toad:

• Male cane toads often wrestle with each other in an effort to grasp a mate.
• Male toads will grasp any female that comes within reach and retain their hold unless displaced by a rival male.
• Females can actually manipulate the outcome of male-male competition by inflating at the right moment.
• A female toad inflates its body to prevent an amorous male from mating with it.

Like we need an excuse to post gratuitous photos of toad sex.

Female toads inflate to avoid sex [BBC, via LuxMentis]

The question is not why it took Glenn Beck so long to join the Asshole Brigade about Haiti…

I also believe this is dividing the nation… to where the nation sees [Obama] react so rapidly on Haiti and yet he couldn’t react rapidly on Afghanistan. He couldn’t react rapidly on Ft. Hood. He couldn’t react rapidly on our own airplanes with an underwear bomber… Three different events and Haiti is the only one. I think personally that it deepens the divide to see him react this rapidly to Haiti.

…but why it took him so long to recognize Rush’s insight that there are points to be scored off a black President rushing to the aid of poor black folk. As Pat Robertson instructs us, it’s not like Haitians have souls.

Beck: Obama is ‘dividing the nation’ by reacting ‘so rapidly to Haiti.’ [Think Progress]

We thought about it, and no, we’re not even going to try.

What Do Sarah Palin and Jesus Christ Have In Common? [RedState]

Last night, after watching hours of earthquake coverage — do the CNN reporters all work out at the same gym? — we found ourself catching up on late-night Leno-bashing, which truly was, as they say, comic relief. So, while there are far more important things to talk about today, we’ll use that as an excuse to present the latest shenanigans.

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It’s one thing for Pat Robertson, or even Rush Limbaugh, to be apocalyptically vulgar in their responses to the Haiti earthquake. It’s quite another if their asshatery catches on with other wingnuts. So we thought we’d check in with the Usual Suspects and see whether they’re being usually suspicious.

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