Inverted Pyramid Scheme

Title: “The Associated Press Stylebook 2009”

Rank: 91

Customers Also Bought: “Foundations of Pentecostal Theology,” by Guy P. Duffield

Footnote: But enough about that. We just need a cheap excuse to run some recent Greatest Tweets from FakeAPStylebook…

When burying the lede always eliminate any witnesses.
Avoid using the term ‘white paper.’ Use ‘Wall Street Journal’ instead.
Passive voice is used when the receiver of an action is more important than the performer. Ex: Your mom was banged.

A “homonym” is a nym attracted to nyms of the same gender.
The word “diarrhea” is hard to spell. Try: transporter problems, Jackson Brown, #3, blowing the devil’s trombone.
When it is raining put a circumflex above all vowels to prêvênt thêm frôm gêttîng wêt.
“Dickweed” is the pejorative term, “dick weed” is the dreaded Peruvian Penis Thistle.
References to online retailer Amazon.com should always include “.com” even though they actually make money.
For 1-5 pizza boxes, use the suffix -heap. For 6-10, use -henge. 10+ pizza boxes is a pizziggurat.
One does not “use” an interrobang. One submits to it.

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nojo
7:00 am • Sunday • January 17, 2010
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10 Comments

ManchuCandidate

8:00 am • Sunday • January 17, 2010

When talking about retirements from Congress, 6 Dems leaving is a HUGE issue while 14 GOPers is nothing.

Serolf Divad

9:09 am • Sunday • January 17, 2010

Whenever a major scandal erupts involving widespread corruption, incompetence and mismanagement and sordid sexual dalliances throughout the Republican party don’t forget to remind readers that there was this democratic congressman from Louisiana who hid a stack of bill in his icebox. Whenever a GOP campaign releases a barrage of patently false and misleading and even subtly racist campaign commercials against their Democratic opponent that suggest he wants to provide children as pets to paedophile prisoners, be sure to mention that the Democrat also once released a commercial that included a charge that politifact.com labeled as “misleading.” In short, whenever one side does something bad, be sure to remind readers that the other side is just as awful, even if you haven’t really thought it through and don’t actually have the fact to back it up.

libertarian tool

10:38 am • Sunday • January 17, 2010

@Serolf Divad: I think you are over your 140 characters.

11:57 am • Sunday • January 17, 2010

@libertarian tool:

My mind is too voracious and dynamic even for twitter.

Benedick

12:46 pm • Sunday • January 17, 2010

Any mention of gay-this or gay-that must be balanced by mentions of Pat Robertson, Adam Lambert, and closets.

Any mention of gay marriage must be balanced by mentions of Pat Robertson, Adam Lambert, children, and closets.

1:02 pm • Sunday • January 17, 2010

Andrew Sullivan’s fixation on Sarah Palin’s uterus can only be referenced if identifying him as a conservative.