Ever since socialized medicine decimated the nation’s brackets, everyone’s been huddling in the basement, fighting over crumbs of Cheetos doled out by our new tyrannical overlords.

In a just world, Kansas and Georgetown wouldn’t have taken everyone down with them. In a just world, Duke would have been blown away by the Arkansas-Pine Bluff Golden Lions in the first round.

But we don’t live in a just world. We live in a world where your only hope is to enter the Stinque Suckage Bracket and pray to your puny gods that you’ll be hoisting boilermakers in honor of Purdue’s glorious victory Friday night.

You have until 4 p.m. Thursday to avenge your honor. We think. Ask Mellbell.

Louie Gohmert (R-19th Century) goes for the gold: “Ever since the safeguard of State legislatures electing U.S. Senators was removed by the 17th Amendment in 1913, there has been no check or balance on the Federal power grab for the last 97 years.” [TPM]

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Vice President of the United States on signing the healthcare-reform bill. Get your commemorative t-shirt while they last!

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Discovery channel expected to land “Sarah Palin’s Alaska” for $1 million an episode. Producer Mark Burnett’s other shows include “Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?” [Variety]

“A new Harris poll reveals Republican attitudes about Obama: Two-thirds think he’s a socialist, 57 percent a Muslim — and 24 percent say ‘he may be the Antichrist.'” [Daily Beast, via RML]

Times are tough in Stuart, Florida, but enterprising Junior Achievement students at Martin County High School aren’t letting the bad economy dampen their spirits.

They’ve launched a website to promote local spending. They’ve organized a pep rally for April 25 at the county fairgrounds. Heck, they even got all the kids at school to record a special video inviting the President of the United States to attend!

The kids have spunk! Problem is, their parents hate spunk:

“It’s almost like they were trying to circumvent the parents,” said Diana Blackard, whose daughter is a sophomore. “You can hear it on the video that Channel 5 has, that says ‘Everyone move in closer, move in closer,’ and ‘We’ve got to hear everyone shout ‘Yes we can, Yes we can.’ That’s a political slogan.”

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“Attention Whining Liberals: No one wants to hurt the precious #EMPEROR. Stop your crying. The whole lot of you are a modern day joke,” says Solly Forell. Hahahahahaha, says the Secret Service.

Conservative Blogger Calls For Obama’s Assassination On Twitter [Jezebel]

The Secret Service Is Investigating a Conservative’s Obama Assassination Tweets [Daily Finance]