We alluded to this yesterday, but we thought we’d trot it out for a closer look:

“Conservationists write me these nasty letters because I support an industry like this,” the former vice presidential candidate said, after taking a chainsaw to an Evergreen Timber tree. “They write me these nasty letters using their pretty little pencils on their pretty little stationery not realizing. Where do you think your pencil and your piece of paper came from, people? It came from a tree that was harvested.”

It all falls apart upon inspection, of course. Who, besides your mother, writes letters these days? And who even owns a pencil, much less writes hatemail with it? (We prefer crayon when addressing screeds to Shrub, but that’s because he has a habit of ignoring printed material.) And if you’re going to write hatemail, you’re probably not going to use the flowery stationery. Unless it has a prominent Recycled symbol at the bottom, just so your target knows you care about the medium of your invective.

But forget about all that, and just admire the economy of Palin’s straw man: With a few quick dashes, she’s created a world, a universe of paranoid fantasy.

And nobody credits Palin for the quality of her work. At least, until a Lesser Wingnut tries to cop her moves, only to discover that only Jordan can fly:

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“Federal authorities have opened a criminal investigation of Delaware Republican Christine O’Donnell to determine if the former Senate candidate broke the law by using campaign money to pay personal expenses, according to a person with knowledge of the investigation.” [AP/Boston Herald]

Do you ever wish that your next-generation cutting-edge envy-inducing iGadget wasn’t so damn quiet? Do you miss the thrill of keeping everyone within fifty feet of you awake all damn night? Well, wait no more!

The USBTypewriter™ is a new and groundbreaking innovation in the field of obsolescence. Lovers of the look, feel, and quality of old fashioned manual typewriters can now use them as keyboards for any USB-capable computer, such as a PC, Mac, or even iPad!

Model as shown: $849. Or you can roll (or solder) your own for only $69!

USB Typewriter [via Tom Tomorrow]

If we were a Blog of Record, we would feel obligated to post the latest Talibunny Trivia — OMG Sarah Palin actually said “refudiate” on the teevee! And everybody in Alaska hates her! And she lies about environmentalists! — but since our Official Editorial Mandate is “Publish whatever the hell amuses/interests/disgusts/horrifies/baffles you, or short of that, whatever crap you can scrape together on deadline and pretend like you meant it,” we are pleased to bring to your attention the Anchorage Daily News 2011 Alaska Moose Calendar, which happily validates every stereotype we’ve held about Alaskans from the moment we learned at a frightfully young age that our mother grew up in Juneau.

Maybe there’s a God after all:

If you plug your brand-new “Decision Points” audiobook into your Windows computer, you’ll get some pretty unexpected track titles. Why? Because in 2007, various artists made a protest album called “George W. Bush,” and the online database that Windows Media uses to fill in the track titles thinks your audiobook is their album.

There have been complaints of late — we’re guessing from someone who got a copy for Christmas — that chapter titles like “Innocent Children Die” and “Bush It” were popping up when they loaded the album on Windows Media Player.

Other replacement track titles include “The Mistake”, “Death of Democracy”, “The Weapon of Fear”, and “Iraqi Oil Production”. It might be the first time we’ve ever regretted using a Mac, since iTunes uses a different database for CD titles. Then again, we can’t think of a reason we’d ever permit “Decision Points” on our hard drive — we have a strict policy against malware.

Bush Audiobook Chapters Now Include “Bush It” For Windows Users [TPM]

Oklahoma protests its loss yesterday as the State Most Welcome to Secede:

Arthur Sedille was up-front with police: He would often put a gun to his wife’s head during fantasy sex play at their Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, home.

But Sedille said he didn’t know the gun was loaded when he pressed it to his wife’s head and pulled the handgun’s slide back during sex on the night of December 21.

Remember the first rule of sexual firearms, kids: Keep your booger-hook off the bang switch.

Oklahoma man says wife’s death was sex fantasy accident [CNN, via Dodgerblue]