Platinum Passport for State Most Welcome to Secede
The Judges have been looking forward to this category. A lot. Who among us wouldn’t relish the opportunity to vote someone Off the Island? Or, since that’s been done, an entire state?
A state like Arizona, which leaped onto the national stage in 2010 with the Show Us Your Papers Law, Jan Brewer’s Death Panels(tm), and Son of Potatoehead, as well as veteran assholes Sheriff Joe and John McCain. Or Oklahoma, so fearful of Islam that it banned Sharia Law while neglecting to ban Arabic numerals. Or South Carolina, which boasts the largest concentration of Douchebags in These United States. Not to mention Texas, proud home of America’s Assholes. And who wouldn’t love to shove Sarah Palin’s Alaska onto a drifting ice floe while keeping William Seward’s Alaska in the Union?
And the winner is…
Texas. Governor Perry, your wish is granted. Don’t let the door hit the Board of Education on the way out. And Austin, hang tight for the Airlift.
Next hour: Silver Slinky for Most Spineless Democrat