Our most prestigious award honors an individual who, through sheer diligence of assitude year in and year out, has earned the right to join the Pantheon of American Infamy. Only Crystal Douchebag winners qualify for the upcoming Stinque Grand Tour of Grave Pissing, to be scheduled as soon as enough honorees do us the favor of departing This Mortal Coil. (Note to reservation-holders: Lack of pulse does not qualify.)
While the Producers considered drawing out the moment by inviting past Douches to introduce this year’s nominees, they realized it might qualify as torture to drag out today’s ceremony any longer. (That, plus we don’t want to bump Kimmel beyond our audience’s bedtime, and lose our advertiser guarantees.)
So join us in a round of warm round of spite for Newt Gingrich, Joe Lieberman, John McCain, Pat Robertson, and Antonin Scalia. You’re all worthy of Black Roses, but only one of you gets the Thorn.
And the winner is…
NOJO • Finally. Like hell I'm putting that face on my website.
NOJO • I'd Like to Buy a Clue, Pat @nojo: And, the desiccated husk of Jezebel sold to Paste. No, not the rendering plant. The…
¡ANDREW! • And Baby Makes Three Biden Calls Xi Jinping A Dictator And A Slut SAN FRANCISCO—Speaking at a solo press conference…
NOJO • I'd Like to Buy a Clue, Pat Jezebel is shutting down. Revenge is ours!
MANCHUCANDIDATE • And Baby Makes Three Kentucky, Ohio and Virginia went well... but Mississippi, goddamn.
¡ANDREW! • And Baby Makes Three After Courageous 3-year Battle with Right-Wing Media, Seattle Dead at Age 172 Today—after…
¡ANDREW! • And Baby Makes Three Fourth time's the charm: Come meet your future Republinazi ex-Speaker.
¡ANDREW! • And Baby Makes Three "HEEZ OLD gas prices immigrant caravans black people trans bathrooms!!!" Those soulless, lying…
MANCHUCANDIDATE • And Baby Makes Three When you're brought into this world They say you're born in sin Well, at least they gave me…
FLYINGCHAINSAW • Morning in America @¡Andrew!: Once the other inmates are done with him, they'll have to stuff his body and his rectum…