Teflon Teabag for Best Wingnut

America harvested a bumper crop of Wingnuts this year, and if winnowing the nominees to five finalists now was challenging, we shudder to think what the process will look like next year — we may need to mount a new competition that begins in January with the House Republican Caucus, and winds up in December with a scream-off between the Final Two.

While our producer rushes off to hit up Coke for sponsorship money, let us consider Sharron Angle, whose Second Amendment Solutions fended off Chickens for Checkups in the Harry Reid Invitational; Michele Bachmann, whose fear of the Census led to fantasies of her own seat being eliminated; Mike Lee, proud leader of an army of clones who will crush you; Christine O’Donnell, who is Not a Witch; and Rand Paul, who demonstrated how quickly even Libertarians will sell out if given the chance.

And the winner is…

Christine O’Donnell. We’ll always have BozoGate.

Next hour: Golden Anal Pear for Asshole of the Year

The 2010 Stinque Awards

25 comments:

1:08 pm • Monday • December 27, 2010

Had to be. Anything that gets Stinque an uncredited role in Keef’s Hour o’ Fun is most worthy of awards that Fearless Leader hands out.

1:08 pm • Monday • December 27, 2010

My money is on McCain for the Asshole award. Indeed his asshole quotient seems to be increasing as the years go by.

1:10 pm • Monday • December 27, 2010

@Dodgerblue: too late to sway the Judges, but I think it’s a foregone conclusion. Late speed gets Ancient Mariner to the wire first.

1:37 pm • Monday • December 27, 2010

We may need to set up a separate tournament for Wingnut of the Year, like March Madness. You’ll have your Palin division, Bachman division, Brewer division, and Beck division. Seeding according to number of batshit crazy things accomplished during the year. Of course a really strong insane action could catapult a 16th seed into the Elite Eight.

2:26 pm • Monday • December 27, 2010

@Mistress Cynica:

I think a deathmatch would be more appropriate. Plus, “two men enter one man leaves” will help keep the wingnut population in check. ;)

2:40 pm • Monday • December 27, 2010

@al2o3cr:

Angle would kill them all. Seriously, look at the eyes. She is a remorseless killer.

2:50 pm • Monday • December 27, 2010

Mike Lee FTW!!!1 He puts the ‘urds’ in ‘turds’. He makes Inhofe look rational. Hung like a hamster his only redeeming feature is his child-bearing hips.

2:56 pm • Monday • December 27, 2010

@Benedick: Oh, I saw the best British curses yesterday from some 9/11 truther nut. Would you mind translating them?

Bent as a nine bob note… .His Ignoble Lardship the Mouth of the Humber and the Turd that Floats Therein. Traitor, crook, fraudster &c. &c. &c. ad infinitum… .Tosser.

2:57 pm • Monday • December 27, 2010

@Benedick: Oh, easy on the hips, there.

2:58 pm • Monday • December 27, 2010

@Benedick: Hung like a hamster

Now that’s just cruel.

3:01 pm • Monday • December 27, 2010

@Benedick:

I dunno – is “hung like a hamster” in a relative twig’n’berries to body size ratio? Because that might not qualify as an insult

3:05 pm • Monday • December 27, 2010

@al2o3cr: Those were hamster nuts? Looked painful. Sponge Bob has big balls.

3:06 pm • Monday • December 27, 2010

@JNOV: Bent=queer. Nine bob note=nine shilling note=3 dollar bill. His Ignoble Lardship=fat white trash. the Mouth of the Humber=river? north? not sure what exactly is the insult here. When in doubt think homo. Turd=turd. Traitor, crook…=Mike Lee. Tosser=wanker=Mike Lee.

On a geequish note: the interrobang. Big fan. But. When trying to use.. nuance could be lost. Eg, in the basic sentence “Who does Mike Lee think she is” is it “Who does Mike Lee think she is? ” or “Who does Mike Lee think she is!” Which meaning is uppermost? Are we asking or outraged? The interrobang, by merging the questions could weaken both. And is that really the kind of America we want to live in‽

3:08 pm • Monday • December 27, 2010

@Benedick: I am a HUGE fan of the interrobang. Wish I could use it in legal briefing, but it would be frowned upon, I am sure.

3:09 pm • Monday • December 27, 2010

@al2o3cr: I’m using it in the metaphorical sense of a penis so thin and short, so tiny, it belongs on a basement dweller living off Cheetos.

3:10 pm • Monday • December 27, 2010

@Benedick: Oh, wow. I’m sorry about posting all those homophobic slurs. This dude is looney and not very nice.

3:12 pm • Monday • December 27, 2010

How can Mike Lee be a wanker (I had to look that up) if his penis is so tiny?

3:13 pm • Monday • December 27, 2010

@JNOV: Don’t worry about it. Limey homo slurs are mostly affectionate as 98% of the men are bent as threadneedle street.

3:13 pm • Monday • December 27, 2010

@Benedick:

I thought turd=Mike Lee? Am I mistaken?

3:14 pm • Monday • December 27, 2010

@chicago bureau: Totally cutting edge, the interrobang. USE IT! And try writing backwards. (No, I am not resolving to stop. Just wait until I get this Unicode shit down.)

3:14 pm • Monday • December 27, 2010

@JNOV: With great difficulty. But since he has nothing else with which to occupy his time he tries, and he tries, and he tries.

3:16 pm • Monday • December 27, 2010

@Benedick: Thank you. Most kids go through a homosexual stage anyway. You guys just make it easier with those boarding schools. ;-)

3:17 pm • Monday • December 27, 2010

@Tommmcatt is with Karin Marie on This One: You are not mistaken. Many know him as Turd. Others as Floater.

3:19 pm • Monday • December 27, 2010

@JNOV: Next time you see a picture of the Her Majesty’s cabinet imagine them all wanking each other off while at school. Because that’s what they were doing.

3:23 pm • Monday • December 27, 2010

@Benedick: Heh. Here we have sword fights and other stuff that occur long before college, but no one talks about it.

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