The Judges began their marathon pizza fest conclave with a quandary: While this category traditionally honors foreign assholes, an abrupt change in nomenclature seemed to invite stateside nominees. After much beer pong spirited debate over whether Jan Brewer merits inclusion here for her institutional racism and Death Panels, the Judges decided to maintain the integrity of the category and censure the Management for harshing their mellow so early in the process.

Punishment meted, the qualifying nominees were duly considered. Julian Assange managed to frighten the shit out of everyone in the American Overlordship, while pissing the shit out of everyone he came into contact with. Tony Hayward was the public face of the BP oil spill and pitiful victim of lost weekends. Kim Jong-il rattled his nukes, which helped revive DVD sales of Team America.

And the winner is…

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OMG, we’re so excited! James Franco has agreed to host our ceremony this year, and— what? They’ve sent only his hand? Jeez, this is gonna be awkward, especially since Thing’s lawyers are insisting on their contractual requirement that he be the Exclusive Hand during the presentation. Well, shit. Okay, look, put it on ice and send it back. Is Daniel Day-Lewis still available?

While our assistants are Googling the source of that last reference, welcome to The 2010 Stinque Awards for Achievement in Infamy, our third annual celebration of the best in bloggable beastliness. We’ll be here all day, presuming we don’t trigger a DDOS attack from petulant basement-dwellers.

First, against our better judgment, the Technical Awards for Nice People, a tradition we’ve allowed to flourish in a moment of weakness. Please, holster your tomatoes. Target practice doesn’t begin for another hour.

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It was a year without sex scandals.

Well, good ones. We’re sure that, if pressed, we could come up with something. But nothing with a marketable catchphrase like “Hiking the Appalachian Trail.”

And so, breaking with a long and storied tradition, the 2010 Stinque Awards for Achievement in Infamy will be the first without honoring the Best Spill of Precious Bodily Fluids in an Inadvertently Public Role. But not to worry — we’re sure that with so many new Republicans taking office in a few weeks, pestorking nominations for the 2011 Stinque Awards will be delightfully oversubscribed.

Until then, your immediate attention is required to the following categories:

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There’s an old rule in journalism that you can’t call an event “annual” until it reaches its third installment. Something about not taking organizers at their word, and waiting for actual results.

That’s right, kids: Journalists used to have standards!

Unlike, say, us.

But since, to apply another ironclad rule, eighty percent of success is showing up, and we’ve somehow managed to show up three years running, we’re happy to announce — officially, mind you — the Third Annual Stinque Awards for Achievement in Infamy.

If you’re not familiar with the Stinque Awards, we’ve adopted a Unique Methodology that distinguishes us from the flood of blogfill other year-end awards clamoring for your attention: You do all the work!

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