Welcome to the 2010 Stinque Awards!
OMG, we’re so excited! James Franco has agreed to host our ceremony this year, and— what? They’ve sent only his hand? Jeez, this is gonna be awkward, especially since Thing’s lawyers are insisting on their contractual requirement that he be the Exclusive Hand during the presentation. Well, shit. Okay, look, put it on ice and send it back. Is Daniel Day-Lewis still available?
While our assistants are Googling the source of that last reference, welcome to The 2010 Stinque Awards for Achievement in Infamy, our third annual celebration of the best in bloggable beastliness. We’ll be here all day, presuming we don’t trigger a DDOS attack from petulant basement-dwellers.
First, against our better judgment, the Technical Awards for Nice People, a tradition we’ve allowed to flourish in a moment of weakness. Please, holster your tomatoes. Target practice doesn’t begin for another hour.
- Bernie Sanders, for showing Democrats what Democracy ought to be.
- Jon Stewart, for showing Republicans what common decency ought to be.
- Sheryll, for showing us what self-actualized transcendence ought to be.
- Dan Savage, for launching the It Gets Better project.
- The Chilean Miners, for grace under ground, and celebration above.
- Steve Jobs, for providing us an iGadget that, for better or worse, finally weaned us off pocket spiral notebooks.
- Rachel Maddow, who in the course of being Rachel Maddow makes John Hodgman look bad. Just ask him.
Next hour: Le Prix Trudeau for Best Un-American Activity
The 2010 Stinque Awards
My back hurts and we’re snowed in. So I’m a bit of a crankpants this morning.
Bernie: OK. It meant nothing and cost him nothing. And yes I was impressed. But then, empty theatrical gestures impress me.
Jon Stewart can kiss my ass. That goes for the other smug bastard, too.
Sherryl is beyond reproach and demonstrates yet again the transcendent ability dogs have to share their lives with any kind of schmuck and still maintain their dignity and ability to love.
Dan Savage: not a fan of that ‘movement’ which seems to me self-serving and sentimental, not unlike the preposterous ‘No on H8’ malarkey. The kind of thing that costs nothing and allows Cindy McCain to feel good about herself.
The Chilean Miners who retaught us the meaning of union labor.
Steve Jobs for anything, anytime. We don’t need Flash. We need to believe.
Rachel Maddow annoys the hell out of me because she keeps injecting herself into the discussion. I daresay she’s good at her job but someone please tell her to stop trying to be entertaining with the funny voices and giggling because she does it really badly.
ZOMG! I didn’t know Franco was playing the rock climbing dude. Ugh. Saw the real dude interviewed on some show: “When I saw the first nerve and knew I had to cut through it…”
FLYINGCHAINSAW • TRUMP: MACHINE GUNNING ORPHANAGES AND CONVENTS BY ME IS CONSTITUTIONAL AND SOMETIMES IT MAKES ME ERECT WITHOUT PHARMACEUTICAL ASSISTANCE! Sen. sENEMA has a career ahead of her in giving designer psychedelic enemas to trust-fund…
MANCHUCANDIDATE • TRUMP: MACHINE GUNNING ORPHANAGES AND CONVENTS BY ME IS CONSTITUTIONAL AND SOMETIMES IT MAKES ME ERECT WITHOUT PHARMACEUTICAL ASSISTANCE! @¡Andrew!: She thought three's company. Nope.
¡ANDREW! • TRUMP: MACHINE GUNNING ORPHANAGES AND CONVENTS BY ME IS CONSTITUTIONAL AND SOMETIMES IT MAKES ME ERECT WITHOUT PHARMACEUTICAL ASSISTANCE! Gawd hates SIN, specifically Kyrsten SINema.
¡ANDREW! • TRUMP: MACHINE GUNNING ORPHANAGES AND CONVENTS BY ME IS CONSTITUTIONAL AND SOMETIMES IT MAKES ME ERECT WITHOUT PHARMACEUTICAL ASSISTANCE! So long, Senatard Glitter-trash. I hope she knows how much everyone H8s her :0)
¡ANDREW! • TRUMP: MACHINE GUNNING ORPHANAGES AND CONVENTS BY ME IS CONSTITUTIONAL AND SOMETIMES IT MAKES ME ERECT WITHOUT PHARMACEUTICAL ASSISTANCE! The racist kleptocratic MSM is really gonna have to crank up the bread and circuses now that their…
FLYINGCHAINSAW • TRUMP: MACHINE GUNNING ORPHANAGES AND CONVENTS BY ME IS CONSTITUTIONAL AND SOMETIMES IT MAKES ME ERECT WITHOUT PHARMACEUTICAL ASSISTANCE! @¡Andrew!: Ted Kazinski Sec of Interior Only the DEAD are extreme enough to serve in DONNIE…
¡ANDREW! • TRUMP: MACHINE GUNNING ORPHANAGES AND CONVENTS BY ME IS CONSTITUTIONAL AND SOMETIMES IT MAKES ME ERECT WITHOUT PHARMACEUTICAL ASSISTANCE! @FlyingChainSaw: Department of Health & Human Services: Charles Manson Defense Secretary:…
FLYINGCHAINSAW • TRUMP: MACHINE GUNNING ORPHANAGES AND CONVENTS BY ME IS CONSTITUTIONAL AND SOMETIMES IT MAKES ME ERECT WITHOUT PHARMACEUTICAL ASSISTANCE! @¡Andrew!: Right, the administration's all star line up: Pres: Trump VP: Ted Kaczynski…
FLYINGCHAINSAW • TRUMP: MACHINE GUNNING ORPHANAGES AND CONVENTS BY ME IS CONSTITUTIONAL AND SOMETIMES IT MAKES ME ERECT WITHOUT PHARMACEUTICAL ASSISTANCE! @FlyingChainSaw: Actually, FDLE would be the first to admit it. The state banks on it with 'sue me…
¡ANDREW! • TRUMP: MACHINE GUNNING ORPHANAGES AND CONVENTS BY ME IS CONSTITUTIONAL AND SOMETIMES IT MAKES ME ERECT WITHOUT PHARMACEUTICAL ASSISTANCE! I cannot wait for the Republinazi MAGAt trash to DEMAND that $hitler be allowed to be president…