The problem with American political discourse today — well, one of them — is that it’s easy to say something mind-blowingly stupid, and hard to find the will to spend the next hour taking it down. Take this example from America’s Favorite Frothy Mixture of Lube and Fecal Matter:

The reason social security is in big trouble is we don’t have enough workers to support the retirees. Well, a third of all the young people in America are not in America today because of abortion, because one in three pregnancies end in abortion.

In a just world, Brian Williams would post that quote on screen, and the nation would join him in a hearty round of laughter, no explanation needed. In fact, a regular segment on Self-Evidently Idiotic Things Said By National Politicians could even save the network newscasts from their inexorable ratings decline.

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We must admit, it’s been a long time since we’ve read an alt-weekly — there are a couple in Sandy Eggo, but with the advent of the Web, well, y’know…

In recent years, we’ve discovered where Tom Tomorrow went online (and he’s moving to Kos next week), which satisfied our Toon Craving. But we pretty much forgot about Lloyd Dangle, another favorite back in the day. And now that we’ve been alerted to his cyberexistence, it’s only to learn that he’s giving up his weekly strip after twenty-two years.

It’s True [Troubletown, via Tom Tomorrow]

“State GOP leaders are calling on former Lt. Gov. candidate Caroline Fayard to apologize after she told a Democratic audience last week that Republicans are ‘bullies’ who are ‘cruel and destructive’ and ‘eat their young.'” [New Orleans Times-Picayune]

“Last year, candidate Barack Obama stood on a sidewalk in Toledo, Ohio, and first let it slip to Joe the Plumber that he wanted to quote, ‘spread the wealth around,'” said [Washington managing editor Bill] Sammon. “At that time, I have to admit, that I went on TV on Fox News and publicly engaged in what I guess was some rather mischievous speculation about whether Barack Obama really advocated socialism, a premise that privately I found rather far-fetched.” [Media Matters]

As you may have heard, The Preznit of These United States addressed Our Exceptional Nation on a matter of Grave Importance last night.

Or, if you live on the Left Coast, yesterday afternoon. 4:30 Pacific, to be precise.

How Gravely Important was the matter that The Preznit couldn’t wait for an entire time zone to get home from work?

But the Administration also recognized that some networks, like ABC, had important priorities of their own: the programs they had scheduled for prime time Monday — like “Dancing with the Stars,” the second most-watched show on television.

Proving once again that you might be The Leader of the Free World, you might hold the fate of dictators in your hands, you might even call a better bracket than most of the country, but you do not fuck with Disney.

Before Libya, White House Must Negotiate With ABC [NYT — Try the Paywall!]

Donald Trump to Newsmax:

“It took me one hour to get my birth certificate. It’s inconceivable that, after four years of questioning, the president still hasn’t produced his birth certificate. I’m just asking President Obama to show the public his birth certificate. Why’s he making an issue out of this?”

The Smoking Gun:

Except the document is not an official New York City birth certificate, but rather a document generated by Jamaica Hospital, where Trump’s mother Mary reportedly gave birth in June 1946. Official birth certificates are issued (and maintained) by the New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene’s Office of Vital Records.

[via Political Wire]

“With the backdrop of an oversized U.S. flag on stage at Cornerstone Church Sunday, Newt Gingrich called for a return to historic, Christian roots he said were critical to protecting the nation’s freedoms.” [San Antonio Express-News]