Our guest columnist is a frightened fat fuck, bloviating to the nation today.

I want to explain why I apologized to Sandra Fluke in the statement that was released on Saturday. I’ve read all the theories from all sides, and, frankly, they are all wrong. I don’t expect — and I know you don’t, either — morality or intellectual honesty from the left. They’ve demonstrated over and over a willingness to say or do anything to advance their agenda. It’s what they do. It’s what we fight against here every day. But this is the mistake I made. In fighting them on this issue last week, I became like them.

Against my own instincts, against my own knowledge, against everything I know to be right and wrong I descended to their level when I used those two words to describe Sandra Fluke. That was my error. I became like them, and I feel very badly about that. I’ve always tried to maintain a very high degree of integrity and independence on this program. Nevertheless, those two words were inappropriate. They were uncalled for. They distracted from the point that I was actually trying to make, and I again sincerely apologize to Ms. Fluke for using those two words to describe her. I do not think she is either of those two words. I did not think last week that she is either of those two words.

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Over the weekend, when we weren’t thinking about what everybody else is thinking about, we found ourself thinking about people who don’t know us, but who think about us nonetheless.

The first is Mark T. Mitchell, who is married with three sons, and who is disturbed by our bachelorhood:

Living alone can lead to a disposition that I am center of the universe, which is precisely the false notion held by children and which parents spend plenty of time countering. If I live alone, when I eat, sleep, brush my teeth, and exercise I must ask leave of no one and can to exactly as I please. I never have to make a meal out of something I despise because it is the favorite of someone else. I don’t have to get up in the night to help a sick roommate or spouse, to rub a sore back, fetch a glass of water, or get an extra blanket to stave of the chills of fever. If I do any of these things, it is solely for myself and no other. My schedule is my own and my life is arranged so that I need to defer to no one. As attractive as all this might sound (and I can admit the attraction), I’m not sure it’s healthy.

It’s extremely rare that we have the curious pleasure of a complete stranger questioning our lifestyle, but we can assure Mr. Mitchell that our life is no less healthy than that of those who question the lifestyles of complete strangers.

Plus, we sleep in every day, which is a lot healthier than setting an alarm.

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Title: “Righteous Indignation: Excuse Me While I Save the World!”

Author: Andrew Breitbart

Rank: 8

Blurb: “Breitbart will certainly raise your blood pressure, one way or another.”

Review: “Better Late Than Never.”

Customers Also Bought: “The Fatal Conceit” by F. A. Hayek

Footnote: “We post this, not in order to sell the idea that Andrew Breitbart was assassinated, but to show the technology exists to do such a thing as create someone’s massive heart attack.” [Gulag Bound]

Righteous Indignation [Amazon]

Buy or Die [Stinque@Amazon Kickback Link]

“My qualifications for purchasing and running Your Wonkette include a sunny disposition, bountiful compassion, terrific spelling, middling wit, and the fact that I was unhindered by any sort of job that might have impeded my ability to type dick jokes on the Internet.” [Wonkette]

The Year in Review [Stinque, 12/31/2008]

Our guest columnist is a thrice-divorced drug-addled fat fuck.

For over 20 years, I have illustrated the absurd with absurdity, three hours a day, five days a week. In this instance, I chose the wrong words in my analogy of the situation. I did not mean a personal attack on Ms. Fluke.

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Our guest columnist filed the following complaint with the Alaska Division of Elections on February 21. We previously heard from him a year ago, when he challenged the election of Lisa Murkowski on the grounds that “women or non-white citizens” are not Constitutionally qualified to hold office.

COMES NOW Gordon Warren Epperly, Pro Se, challenging the Nomination Petition of Barack Hussein Obama II, Aka Barack Hussein Obama, Aka Barack H. Obama or his Electors to appear on the Primary and General Election Ballots of the State of Alaska as a Candidate for the Office of President of the United States of America…

Standing of Complainant

I, Gordon Warren Epperly, has been domiciled within the State of Alaska since the year of 1965 and has resided at 10440 Glacier Highway in Juneau, Alaska (Swampy Acres) since the year of 1967. I am eligible to register as a voter and have voted in local and State Elections in past years. I am eligible to register to vote even though I have chosen not to do so for several years.

Status of Candidate

Barack Hussein Obama II, Aka Barack Hussein Obama, Aka Barack H. Obama has the race status of being a “Mulatto.” Barack Obama’s father (Barack Hussein Obama I) was a full blood Negro being born Nyang’oma Kogelo, Nyanza Province, Kenya and raised in the Colony of Kenya. Barack Obama’s mother (Stanley Ann Dunham) was a white Caucasian women being born in Wichita, Kansas on November 29, 1942 and raised in the State of Washington and in the State of Hawaii.

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Erick Erickson: “Well of course Rush Limbaugh was being insulting. It is not something I would do, but he was using insult and sarcasm to highlight the absurdity of Sandra Fluke and the left’s position, which in a nut shell is they think you, me, and every other American should pay for them to have sex. And while I understand people being offended, I am offended by many of these same people thinking I should be subsidizing what has, for years, been considered a consensual act.” [RedState]