https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WkAVmJzdJ88

Our guest columnist is Stephen Colbert.

Dear Colbert Super PAC Members and spouses/lovers snooping through your inbox,

I have exciting news to share from Colbert Super PAC. We have set our sights on Iowa — right after setting our sights on finding out where Iowa is. It’s further north than you think! In advance of the Ames Straw Poll, outside money has been pouring in trying to convince Iowans to write in Texas Governor Rick Parry. It’s a blatant display of unbridled opportunism that we want in on.

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[via Yahoo]

“At that point, all five leaders shook hands and retreated into the Oval Office. It was exactly 9:29 a.m. One minute later, the New York Stock Exchange opened. The Dow was up 1,223 points at the open — an all-time record.” [NYT]

Angry lefty website Firedoglake fired off an angry email yesterday on behalf of Dan Choi, the anti-DADT activist who first came to attention when he came out on Rachel Maddow’s show a couple years back — while still in uniform.

Choi was later honorably discharged, but FDL says the Obama Administration is waging a “vindictive campaign” against him, including “seizing his veterans disability checks” through a collections agency, and this:

Dan currently faces up to 6 months in prison for protesting DADT in front of the White House. He will be the first person in nearly a century to be put on trial over an arcane law written for and last used to silence important women suffragists.

While we have a lot of respect for Choi — we were watching Rachel that night — we have somewhat less respect for Firedoglake. There’s an annoying tendency among Angry Lefties to hit the Outrage Button too often — we may read ThinkProgress and Media Matters daily, but we usually find ourself thinking twice (and checking sources) before running an item from them. So much shouting hurts our ears.

It’s far worse with Angry Righties, of course. But the louder they get, the more we’re amused.

So when the FDL email was brought to our attention, our strong instinct was — well, not to doubt it, but at least to confirm it before paying forward the anger. In particular, we were curious about the Lead Outrage — a century-old law being dusted off to burn Choi. That would be vindictive.

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OK, you lovely cynics.  After a three-month absence (oh man, work has just been peachy in that time), I’m back.  And not a moment too soon, for we got ourselves some Wiscocentric denouement tonight.

The read at this early stage is that turnout has been positively massive.  But that could cut both ways.  The energy on both sides is probably at a fever pitch (whipped up no doubt by… excuse me…. 33 MILLION CLAMS shelled out for the nine recalls), so more than half of the turnout could be Wisconsinites angry at unions for, well, whatever foul they may have committed.  And “more than half” is the name of the game in elections, as you know.

So, the p0lls close — nominally — in 15 minutes.  (Polls can stay open so long as people are in line — a rule that approximately 7,000 lawyers know by heart and are poised to enforce to their hearts’ content.)  Then, the story shall unfold before you, old-school OPEN THREAD style.

(Note: picture above, right, is a scene from a Wisconsin hockey game.  Hockey is popular in Wisconsin, where winter is about six weeks away.)

ADD: The Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel has the best live-results page in the state, and therefore that page is linked…. HERE.

Just when you thought it couldn’t possibly get any dumber, along comes Tea Party in Space, vowing to fight NASA’s intransigent socialism and replace it with free-market space travel.

Not content with blowing apart the economy, the Baggers are now planning their assault on the final frontier. Space! (bow chicka bow chicka bow bow)

Book your seats now. What could possibly go wrong?

Full disclosure: Part of me suspects this is a joke. But let’s all believe it’s real. It’s funnier that way.

John McCain is having a Bad Day:

Tea-party activists called McCain “out of touch” when the senator said he didn’t know about United Nations “Agenda 21.” One man described the initiative as a “takeover of the United States of America by taking over our farms.”

“First, our firearms, then our farms,” another man added.

Couple of things. First, we love the name “Agenda 21”. We can see a trailer featuring Matt Damon battling a conspiracy of nondescript men in fedoras terrorizing the world’s PowerPoint presentations.

Second: What the hell is Agenda 21?

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