Carrie Fisher, 1956-2016

Iconic Star Wars Actress Carrie Fisher Dies at 60 [People]

Merry Christmas from Donald Trump and Dooneese

Graydon Carter was right.

The Missives of December

Yeeeee-HAWWWWW!!!

We are probably alive today because Jack Kennedy checked our military’s impulses.

We were three during the Cuban Missile Crisis, and as such have no memory of it. Our introduction came much later, during the Seventies, thanks to an ABC dramatization starring William Devane as Jack, and Future Fake President Martin Sheen as Bobby.

The Missiles of October holds up pretty well four decades on, both against our teen memory and what we later learned. But you’ll have to forgive Sheen’s terrible Boston accent to get through it.

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Goodbye Civilized Life

Zsa Zsa Gabor died today, and we got to thinking how she was famous for being famous while we were growing up, and that it was sister Eva who starred in the absurdist masterpiece of our youth, and then we wondered whether Arrested Development creator Mitchell Hurwitz was a fan of Green Acres, so we went Googling for references, and then this happened.

We regret the error.

Red Dawn

There is a bear shitting in the woods.

On Monday, freelance agents of the Russian government will vote to elect Donald Trump the President of the United States of America, following a successful campaign directed by Vladimir Putin to undermine the candidacy of his opponent.

It wasn’t supposed to happen this way.

Instead, the Russians were supposed to launch a land war on the United States, breezing to success until a group of plucky Colorado teens resisted them. We were supposed to fight the Russkies, not welcome them.

Silly us, we thought Americans had a problem with tyranny. We should have known better.

And the thing is, we used to.

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The Dogs That Didn’t Bark

How did the monster get out of my closet?

If power, as an unindicted war criminal once said, is the ultimate aphrodisiac, there are a lot of Republicans sucking Donald Trump’s cock right now.

And swallowing.

Hard.

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John Glenn, 1921-2016

John Glenn, American Hero of the Space Age, Dies at 95 [NYT]