Burt Prelutsky, “a very nice person once you get to know him,” used to be somebody — “humor” columnist for the L.A. Times, movie critic for Los Angeles magazine, a TV writer whose voluminous credits include Dragnet and McMillan & Wife. Now he’s just an old fart blogging for Andrew Breitbart:

Why, in 2009 America, are mulattoes invariably identified as blacks? Surely there is nothing wrong with being a mulatto. There is no stigma attached, as once there was. It merely refers to those who have one white parent and one black. There are many notable individuals who are mulattoes, including Halle Berry, Derek Jeter, Lisa Bonet and Barack Obama. Tiger Woods, on the other hand, is a true amalgamation, being one-quarter Chinese, one-quarter Thai, one-quarter black, one-eighth Native American and one-eighth Dutch. And, yet, with the possible exception of the New York Yankee shortstop, we insist on identifying all of them as black.

It’s as if there is something shameful about their being half or even one-eighth white. If there is, I’d sure like to know what it is. If, on the other hand, there isn’t, why do we insist on acting as if there were?

Dunno, Burt — maybe it has something to do with the history of the word’s use in America. But just to get you up to speed, the polite term du jour appears to be “biracial.” Although we know you were itching to work in “octaroon”.

(Oh, and regarding Chia Obama: We know it’s making the rounds, but didn’t anybody notice it back in January?)

Questions Even Glenn Beck Hasn’t Asked [Big Hollywood, via Media Matters]

And the award for Best John Cleese Impression of the Day goes to…

Larry Whitten marched into this northern New Mexico town in late July on a mission: resurrect a failing hotel.

The tough-talking former Marine immediately laid down some new rules. Among them, he forbade the Hispanic workers at the run-down, Southwestern adobe-style hotel from speaking Spanish in his presence (he thought they’d be talking about him), and ordered some to Anglicize their names.

No more Martin (Mahr-TEEN). It was plain-old Martin. No more Marcos. Now it would be Mark.

And if you didn’t follow the new rules, you were fired.

Read more »

Items planned for auction on eBay and elsewhere to raise money for the defense of Scott Roeder, who will be tried in January for the murder of George Tiller:

• “Army of God” manual, including instructions for bombing abortion clinics; the instructions will be covered up, and interested parties referred to relevant sections of the U.S. Army manual.
• Cookbook of “prison recipes” by Shelley Shannon, who shot Tiller in 1993 and was later convicted for abortion-clinic bombings; the “prison cheesecake” is recommended.
• Handwritten book of commentary and cartoons by Shannon.

Read more »

The fun starts about 3:50 in ….

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VDES0VXlmFI

Please note: “Account must be opened in the name of the individual recipient planning to be inseminated.”

Donor 11437: 5ʹ10ʺ, 164 pounds, wavy brown hair, hazel eyes, English/Irish/Scottish.

Resembles: Brett Favre, Ben Affleck, Brody Jenner.

Up Close and Personal: “You may be looking at the next Richard Branson-esque billionaire, activist, adventurer.”

Read more »

Title: “Jim Cramer’s Getting Back to Even”

Authors: Jim Cramer and Cliff Mason

Rank: 64

Blurb: “Cramer begins with six rules for protecting the money you have and making sure that you have the money you need.”

Review: “If you were helped by Watch TV, Get Rich or Get Rich, Stay Rich then why do you need Getting Back to Even?”

Customers Also Bought: “Picking Winners: A Horseplayer’s Guide,” by Andrew Beyer

Footnote: Rule #1: Don’t listen to Jim Cramer.

Jim Cramer’s Getting Back to Even [Amazon]

Buy or Die [Stinque@Amazon kickback link]

Vince Lombardi was a famously butch football coach, although our vague memory of him denying players sideline heaters during the Ice Bowl seems to be faulty. Still, Lombardi was a pussy compared to the assistant coach at Lakeland, Florida’s Kathleen High:

[Christopher Michael] Campbell of Lakeland pointed the knife in a threatening manner several times at one of the players, 16-year-old Otis Buford, “poking him and tapping him on the chest and on the helmet with it while also verbally threatening him,” deputies said in a news release…

Deputies said Campbell admitted to [athletic director Gary] Lineberger that he brought the knife to practice and that he told players, “Don’t try me today.”

Coming from a university whose mascot is a cartoon waterfowl, we can appreciate the challenges faced by coaches at Kathleen High. But if the team is “very close” to the coach, as the A.D. says, one question comes to mind: Who finked?

Lakeland assistant coach arrested for having knife at practice [Tampa Tribune]