The 2008 Stinque Awards

We couldn’t afford Joan Rivers for the Red Carpet — hell, we couldn’t even afford Melissa Rivers — but budgetary glitches aside, the inaugural Stinque Awards for Achievement in Infamy were a smashing success. Here we present the nominees and winners (in bold), with links to each presentation during our marathon ten-hour event.

Award Nominees
Opening Ceremonies Technical Awards for Nice People
Golden Helmet for Best Hair Joe Biden
Rod Blagojevich
John Edwards
Joe the Plumber
Bill Richardson
Le Prix Trudeau for Best Un-American Politician Fidel Castro
Stephen Harper
Hu Jintao
Robert Mugabe
Nicolas Sarkozy
Silver Sausage for Legislative Accomplishment Tom Coburn
Bob Corker
Mitch McConnell
Hank Paulson
Silver Tongue for Excellence in Pandering Hillary Clinton
John Edwards
John McCain
Barack Obama
Sarah Palin
Mylar Gasbag for Best Wind Broken by a Pundit Jim Cramer
Lanny Davis
Bill Kristol
Kathryn Jean Lopez
Dick Morris
Palladium Pinocchio for Best Human Prop in a Supporting Role Levi Johnston
Bristol Palin
Sarah Palin
Trig Palin
Joe The Plumber
Diamond Freezer for Best Scandal Not Involving Reproductive Organs Rod Blagojevich
Bernie Madoff
Sarah Palin
Platinum Pampers for Best Sex Scandal John Edwards
Vito Fossella
Tim Mahoney
David Paterson
Eliot Spitzer
Golden Anal Pear for Asshole of the Year Michele Bachmann
Bill Clinton
Hillary Clinton
Joe Lieberman
Sarah Palin
Crystal Douchebag for Lifetime Achievement George W. Bush
Dick Cheney
Karl Rove