The 2008 Stinque Awards
We couldn’t afford Joan Rivers for the Red Carpet — hell, we couldn’t even afford Melissa Rivers — but budgetary glitches aside, the inaugural Stinque Awards for Achievement in Infamy were a smashing success. Here we present the nominees and winners (in bold), with links to each presentation during our marathon ten-hour event.
Award | Nominees | |
Opening Ceremonies | Technical Awards for Nice People | |
Golden Helmet for Best Hair | Joe Biden Rod Blagojevich John Edwards Joe the Plumber Bill Richardson |
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Le Prix Trudeau for Best Un-American Politician | Fidel Castro Stephen Harper Hu Jintao Robert Mugabe Nicolas Sarkozy |
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Silver Sausage for Legislative Accomplishment | Tom Coburn Bob Corker Mitch McConnell Hank Paulson |
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Silver Tongue for Excellence in Pandering | Hillary Clinton John Edwards John McCain Barack Obama Sarah Palin |
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Mylar Gasbag for Best Wind Broken by a Pundit | Jim Cramer Lanny Davis Bill Kristol Kathryn Jean Lopez Dick Morris |
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Palladium Pinocchio for Best Human Prop in a Supporting Role | Levi Johnston Bristol Palin Sarah Palin Trig Palin Joe The Plumber |
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Diamond Freezer for Best Scandal Not Involving Reproductive Organs | Rod Blagojevich Bernie Madoff Sarah Palin |
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Platinum Pampers for Best Sex Scandal | John Edwards Vito Fossella Tim Mahoney David Paterson Eliot Spitzer |
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Golden Anal Pear for Asshole of the Year | Michele Bachmann Bill Clinton Hillary Clinton Joe Lieberman Sarah Palin |
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Crystal Douchebag for Lifetime Achievement | George W. Bush Dick Cheney Karl Rove |
MANCHUCANDIDATE • TRUMP: MACHINE GUNNING ORPHANAGES AND CONVENTS BY ME IS CONSTITUTIONAL AND SOMETIMES IT MAKES ME ERECT WITHOUT PHARMACEUTICAL ASSISTANCE! @¡Andrew!: She thought three's company. Nope.
¡ANDREW! • TRUMP: MACHINE GUNNING ORPHANAGES AND CONVENTS BY ME IS CONSTITUTIONAL AND SOMETIMES IT MAKES ME ERECT WITHOUT PHARMACEUTICAL ASSISTANCE! Gawd hates SIN, specifically Kyrsten SINema.
¡ANDREW! • TRUMP: MACHINE GUNNING ORPHANAGES AND CONVENTS BY ME IS CONSTITUTIONAL AND SOMETIMES IT MAKES ME ERECT WITHOUT PHARMACEUTICAL ASSISTANCE! So long, Senatard Glitter-trash. I hope she knows how much everyone H8s her :0)
¡ANDREW! • TRUMP: MACHINE GUNNING ORPHANAGES AND CONVENTS BY ME IS CONSTITUTIONAL AND SOMETIMES IT MAKES ME ERECT WITHOUT PHARMACEUTICAL ASSISTANCE! The racist kleptocratic MSM is really gonna have to crank up the bread and circuses now that their…
FLYINGCHAINSAW • TRUMP: MACHINE GUNNING ORPHANAGES AND CONVENTS BY ME IS CONSTITUTIONAL AND SOMETIMES IT MAKES ME ERECT WITHOUT PHARMACEUTICAL ASSISTANCE! @¡Andrew!: Ted Kazinski Sec of Interior Only the DEAD are extreme enough to serve in DONNIE…
¡ANDREW! • TRUMP: MACHINE GUNNING ORPHANAGES AND CONVENTS BY ME IS CONSTITUTIONAL AND SOMETIMES IT MAKES ME ERECT WITHOUT PHARMACEUTICAL ASSISTANCE! @FlyingChainSaw: Department of Health & Human Services: Charles Manson Defense Secretary:…
FLYINGCHAINSAW • TRUMP: MACHINE GUNNING ORPHANAGES AND CONVENTS BY ME IS CONSTITUTIONAL AND SOMETIMES IT MAKES ME ERECT WITHOUT PHARMACEUTICAL ASSISTANCE! @¡Andrew!: Right, the administration's all star line up: Pres: Trump VP: Ted Kaczynski…
FLYINGCHAINSAW • TRUMP: MACHINE GUNNING ORPHANAGES AND CONVENTS BY ME IS CONSTITUTIONAL AND SOMETIMES IT MAKES ME ERECT WITHOUT PHARMACEUTICAL ASSISTANCE! @FlyingChainSaw: Actually, FDLE would be the first to admit it. The state banks on it with 'sue me…
¡ANDREW! • TRUMP: MACHINE GUNNING ORPHANAGES AND CONVENTS BY ME IS CONSTITUTIONAL AND SOMETIMES IT MAKES ME ERECT WITHOUT PHARMACEUTICAL ASSISTANCE! I cannot wait for the Republinazi MAGAt trash to DEMAND that $hitler be allowed to be president…
¡ANDREW! • TRUMP: MACHINE GUNNING ORPHANAGES AND CONVENTS BY ME IS CONSTITUTIONAL AND SOMETIMES IT MAKES ME ERECT WITHOUT PHARMACEUTICAL ASSISTANCE! Hoo boy, I’m guessing now former Tr666p lawyer Abracadabra *did not* get paid upfront in cash,…