Palladium Pinocchio for Best Human Prop in a Supporting Role

The famous Hirschfeld illustration for My Fair Lady features Eliza Doolittle on puppet strings controlled by Henry Higgins, who in turn is being manipulated by George Bernard Shaw, and that cat’s cradle reflects the tangle of this year’s finalists. Sarah Palin quickly graduated from Prop to Propmaster in less than a week, stringing Bristol Palin, Levi Johnston and Trig Palin in her wake. But the Palindrome wasn’t enough to entertain America, so Joe the Plumber was reeled in later to dance for the pleasure of all, gaining sufficient publicity to qualify for Best Celebrity Sex Tape Debut in the coming year.

And the winner is…

Trig Palin. Nothing beats exploiting a baby.

Next hour: Diamond Freezer for Best Scandal Not Involving Reproductive Organs

The 2008 Stinque Awards

12 comments:

12:06 pm • Monday • December 29, 2008

I remember her dragging that poor baby around on Halloween with the stupid bunny ears. Sad.

12:08 pm • Monday • December 29, 2008

Oh, Bristol’s baby is dropping any day now right? Right? Right…

12:10 pm • Monday • December 29, 2008

The Bastardwatch makes me think they BS’ed this pregnancy, too. But why?

12:16 pm • Monday • December 29, 2008

Nothing beats exploiting a retarded baby, you mean.

12:22 pm • Monday • December 29, 2008

@Prommie: Yeah, you gotta have that in there because of the political pandering involved in his status as a Down baby.

@Signal to Noise: I dunno. Cuz one pre-marital baby can be spun as a happy accident but two is a slut sign? I have a hard time figuring out Fundie family logic.

12:26 pm • Monday • December 29, 2008

Nojo FTW:

so Joe the Plumber was reeled in later to dance for the pleasure of all, gaining sufficient publicity to qualify for Best Celebrity Sex Tape Debut in the coming year.

I never thought of that before, but this is so going to happen. Like reading about tomorrow’s douchebaggery today, I tell you.

[Speaking of which — DEVELOPING HARD, per CNN: “Obama could inherit Gaza crisis.” Oh, those journalists at CNN and their risky predictions. How brave.]

12:30 pm • Monday • December 29, 2008

Hullo Bitchezzz! I’m back! How was the holiday? I missed you all while I was incommunicado!

12:43 pm • Monday • December 29, 2008

homofascist / Signal to Noise: When exactly was that due date again?

Bristol had better hurry it the hell up. Spackle Camshaft can’t claim his Alaska oil-whore munnie Permanent Fund dividend if he shows up after the whatever-it-is-they-drop-in-Alaska drops on Wednesday.

12:47 pm • Monday • December 29, 2008

@chicago bureau: Officially, the due date was a week ago Saturday, but discussion here has suggested the real due date was contained in an envelope that burned with the Tabernacle.

12:49 pm • Monday • December 29, 2008

@Tommmcatt Yet Again:
Welcome back.

Of all the Palins, Trig is the only I have sympathy for (which is why I voted for him.)

1:01 pm • Monday • December 29, 2008

nojo: Kid getting knocked up (mebbie) and getting married to a mullet head (mebbie), failure to win the office of President of the Senate, church burning.

If I were her, I would ask that guy who supposedly rebuked all forms of witchcraft for my money back.

1:11 pm • Monday • December 29, 2008

Waving Trig around was a symbolic pander in so many way, there were so many symbolic meanings, that one little baby sent so many messages it was like a polyphonic dog whistle. Of course there is the family values thing, the “I’m just a regular ole’ down home soccer mom kinda gal” thing, the “ain’t no reason to be ashamed cause them eee-leetists think yer stupit, look, I’m not ashamed of my tard here” there was of course the deafeningly obvious pro-life message, and I think that also combined with the “proud to be dumb” message, wlong the lines of “Them eeeeleetists believe in killin’ babies just because they’re retarded, what are they gonna do next, start coming after us ignorant redneck morons?” And it was a shield against, and a passive-aggressive attack on, the “eeeeleeete media,” a constant accusation saying “Look at those liberal monsters, they are even investigating my inoocent little tard here.” I think surrounding herself with her children at all times is most of the reason her crowds started attacking the press, it made the crowds protective of her. Oh, it was sheer brilliance.

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