Diamond Freezer for Best Scandal Not Involving Reproductive Organs

The judges particularly enjoyed this category, since rarely do they have the opportunity to trot out their advanced degrees in Comparative Scandalology. Their debate, which will be excerpted in the New York Review of Books prior to publication in hardcover, touched on the relative demerits of selling a Senate seat (Rod Blagojevich), selling out your class (Bernie Madoff), and selling out Neiman Marcus (Sarah Palin). Consequences were all over the map, from Lives Ruined, to Trust Undermined, to Undergarments Underlined. In the end, the decision rested on Style Points.

And the winner is…

Rod Blagojevich. Eighteen fucks can’t be wrong.

Next hour: Platinum Pampers for Best Sex Scandal

The 2008 Stinque Awards

15 comments:

1:04 pm • Monday • December 29, 2008

Oh God no. If I have to hear Rod give an acceptance speech, my — my —

[head explodes]

1:29 pm • Monday • December 29, 2008

I would have voted Bernie on this one … Daily News sez the steady-hand-on-the-tiller money manager might plead insanity. Now that’s chutzpah.

1:33 pm • Monday • December 29, 2008

/TJ: Savannah has asploded. That’s what we get for voting that Moooooslim terrarist…. a direct express tube to hell.

1:37 pm • Monday • December 29, 2008

Blaggy is the US America #1 Political Scandal, but pales to Bernie.

Madoff already has a death toll as well as destroying wealth.

1:38 pm • Monday • December 29, 2008

@blogenfreude: Apparently Bernie may also have stashed his own money offshore, rather than let some scumbag manager handle it. If Blago was selling anything less than a Senate seat, no contest.

(And Obama’s Senate seat at that. The judges marveled at the spectacle.)

1:48 pm • Monday • December 29, 2008

@rptrcub: But what explains the August sewer blast?

And are they sure Michael Bay isn’t filming on location? I mean, c’mon — fire shooting out of manholes. And it involves Transformers. Somebody must have spotted Shia running away from the scene.

1:49 pm • Monday • December 29, 2008

@nojo: They’re talking multiple personality. Bernie #1 hid the money from Bernie #2, and Bernie #3 thought he should rat to his sons about Bernie #1. Or something like that.

1:49 pm • Monday • December 29, 2008

@blogenfreude:

” I helped steal billions in a highly-structured, well-run ponzi scheme requiring the complicity of several highly-placed shills because my mind was so disordered and chaotic that I could not objectively distinguish right from wrong.

Ah, that is what the French call les balls

1:53 pm • Monday • December 29, 2008

@nojo: Fire shooting out of manholes: The floor is now open for jokes about what happens after you eat Indian food.

1:57 pm • Monday • December 29, 2008

@rptrcub: Every time there’s an electrical fire in a Metro station (or a manhole cover explosion, or a water main break, or a street collapse, or… well, a lot goes wrong here), DCist is abuzz with Morlock references, but the Obama angle makes just about as much sense.

2:02 pm • Monday • December 29, 2008

@mellbell: We’re not used to having cities at DC-levels of disrepair. We’ve got potholes and perhaps minor street flooding thanks to clogged storm drains in Atlanta, but nothing like DC style Metro fires, manhole explosions (tee hee!) or torrents of water trapping people in cars.

2:30 pm • Monday • December 29, 2008

@rptrcub: I felt a temblor just as I was settling down to sleep Fri night/Sat morning. This ain’t freakin California, people: we have Amish!

2:46 pm • Monday • December 29, 2008

@nabisco: Hey, you can get a free magical electric fireplace heater if you buy an Amish mantle, but the Amish are limiting purchases to 2 per family. You can start calling at 8:00 AM if you are in frost zone 1, 8:30 if you are in cold zone 2, and 9:00 if you are in frigid zone 3.

2:57 pm • Monday • December 29, 2008

Prommie: I want to inflict serious amounts of PAIN on the people who run ads like that. PAIN.

3:04 pm • Monday • December 29, 2008

@nabisco: Sorry, I was incredibly distracted by the headline “Uterus, Cervix, and Ovaries: The Joys of Being a Woman” on the page.

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