Golden Anal Pear for Asshole of the Year

Narrowing the nominees to five finalists in an election year was almost more than our judges could bear, and only an emergency shipment of an extra pallet of box wine could convince them to remain on task.

Michele Bachmann‘s dark-horse candidacy was a surprise, usurping what had been known as the Hannity Slot, but invoking and then denying McCarthyism was a masterpiece of chutzpah. Hillary Clinton made a strong claim with her fond remembrance of the RFK assassination, while nominal spouse Bill Clinton pleased the panel with his unerring ability to write off the darker hues of the Democratic Party. Sarah Palin‘s rise from obscurity to infamy was so fast and thorough, the panel was overwhelmed by little starbursts. And Joe Lieberman somehow managed to be a traitor without consequence.

And the winner is…

Joe Lieberman. He threatened us if we didn’t give him a prize.

Next hour: Crystal Douchebag for Lifetime Achievement

The 2008 Stinque Awards

18 comments:

3:08 pm • Monday • December 29, 2008

Wait. Sarah Plain and Dumb got shut out?

3:09 pm • Monday • December 29, 2008

Don’t discount Sarah. She could make a comeback next year.

3:11 pm • Monday • December 29, 2008

@chicago bureau: Amazing, isn’t it? We had to frisk the Price Waterhouse courier to make sure he didn’t switch the results.

3:11 pm • Monday • December 29, 2008

@chicago bureau:
The Susan Lucci of the Stinque awards.

3:12 pm • Monday • December 29, 2008

Being shut out is even worse than winning because it means she doesn’t matter and no one cares.

3:18 pm • Monday • December 29, 2008

Mistress Cynica: Yes, Joe’s douchebaggery went to new heights this year. But he’s was exposed as a twit in 2002, and as a jackass in 2006. It’s been a long, slow rise for Joementum.

Sarah Palin, meanwhile, went from zero to complete idiot in less than two weeks, and steadily got worse from there. She pals around with stupid, y’know.

[Not to be critical. I’m just bent about my pool sheet FAIL.]

3:20 pm • Monday • December 29, 2008

BTW: if there’s ever a Stinque vlog, I demand Heads On Sticks, a la “Pardon the Interruption.” Make this happen.

3:21 pm • Monday • December 29, 2008

@Mistress Cynica:
delightfully dorothy parker. why i adore your comments.

3:23 pm • Monday • December 29, 2008

@chicago bureau: Polling the judges, it was determined that of the many things you could say about Sarah Palin, Gawd, what an asshole wasn’t one of them. The Crystal Shoe didn’t fit, so to speak.

3:32 pm • Monday • December 29, 2008

@nojo: I have no doubt she will grow into it by 2012.

3:43 pm • Monday • December 29, 2008

Boy, the Medal Table is pretty even handed (with one to go):

Dems: 4 (Spitzer, Black Eagle, Rod (twice))
GOPers: 2 (Paulson, Kristol)
Commies: 1 (F. Castro)
Joes: 1 (Liebersack)
Babies: 1 (Trig)

Well done, crew!

4:05 pm • Monday • December 29, 2008

Are Michelle Bachmann’s eyes really like that, or have they been altered to look like snake eyes? Just wondering.

4:08 pm • Monday • December 29, 2008

@rptrcub: No photos have been altered — I even triple-checked Spitzer’s amazing frown, which was from his Wife-Displaying press conference.

And Bachmann? That’s her official photo. No shit.

4:11 pm • Monday • December 29, 2008

@chicago bureau: I think we need a celebratory banner or tally sheet on the right hand column. Talibunny comes away with the most nominations, leaving her in pole position for the coming year.

4:20 pm • Monday • December 29, 2008

@nojo: She’s totally Runaway Bride.

4:30 pm • Monday • December 29, 2008
4:39 pm • Monday • December 29, 2008

@nojo: Awesome.

ADD: Johnny Mill got the most nods. Who said he was a loser?

4:55 pm • Monday • December 29, 2008

@nojo: This is the post that the press release hamsters have been waiting for, no?

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