Golden Anal Pear for Asshole of the Year
Narrowing the nominees to five finalists in an election year was almost more than our judges could bear, and only an emergency shipment of an extra pallet of box wine could convince them to remain on task.
Michele Bachmann‘s dark-horse candidacy was a surprise, usurping what had been known as the Hannity Slot, but invoking and then denying McCarthyism was a masterpiece of chutzpah. Hillary Clinton made a strong claim with her fond remembrance of the RFK assassination, while nominal spouse Bill Clinton pleased the panel with his unerring ability to write off the darker hues of the Democratic Party. Sarah Palin‘s rise from obscurity to infamy was so fast and thorough, the panel was overwhelmed by little starbursts. And Joe Lieberman somehow managed to be a traitor without consequence.
And the winner is…
Joe Lieberman. He threatened us if we didn’t give him a prize.
Next hour: Crystal Douchebag for Lifetime Achievement
Wait. Sarah Plain and Dumb got shut out?