Golden Anal Pear for Asshole of the Year
Narrowing the nominees to five finalists in an election year was almost more than our judges could bear, and only an emergency shipment of an extra pallet of box wine could convince them to remain on task.
Michele Bachmann‘s dark-horse candidacy was a surprise, usurping what had been known as the Hannity Slot, but invoking and then denying McCarthyism was a masterpiece of chutzpah. Hillary Clinton made a strong claim with her fond remembrance of the RFK assassination, while nominal spouse Bill Clinton pleased the panel with his unerring ability to write off the darker hues of the Democratic Party. Sarah Palin‘s rise from obscurity to infamy was so fast and thorough, the panel was overwhelmed by little starbursts. And Joe Lieberman somehow managed to be a traitor without consequence.
And the winner is…
Joe Lieberman. He threatened us if we didn’t give him a prize.
Next hour: Crystal Douchebag for Lifetime Achievement
The 2008 Stinque Awards
Wait. Sarah Plain and Dumb got shut out?
Don’t discount Sarah. She could make a comeback next year.
@chicago bureau: Amazing, isn’t it? We had to frisk the Price Waterhouse courier to make sure he didn’t switch the results.
@chicago bureau:
The Susan Lucci of the Stinque awards.
Being shut out is even worse than winning because it means she doesn’t matter and no one cares.
Mistress Cynica: Yes, Joe’s douchebaggery went to new heights this year. But he’s was exposed as a twit in 2002, and as a jackass in 2006. It’s been a long, slow rise for Joementum.
Sarah Palin, meanwhile, went from zero to complete idiot in less than two weeks, and steadily got worse from there. She pals around with stupid, y’know.
[Not to be critical. I’m just bent about my pool sheet FAIL.]
BTW: if there’s ever a Stinque vlog, I demand Heads On Sticks, a la “Pardon the Interruption.” Make this happen.
@Mistress Cynica:
delightfully dorothy parker. why i adore your comments.
@chicago bureau: Polling the judges, it was determined that of the many things you could say about Sarah Palin, Gawd, what an asshole wasn’t one of them. The Crystal Shoe didn’t fit, so to speak.
@nojo: I have no doubt she will grow into it by 2012.
Boy, the Medal Table is pretty even handed (with one to go):
Dems: 4 (Spitzer, Black Eagle, Rod (twice))
GOPers: 2 (Paulson, Kristol)
Commies: 1 (F. Castro)
Joes: 1 (Liebersack)
Babies: 1 (Trig)
Well done, crew!
Are Michelle Bachmann’s eyes really like that, or have they been altered to look like snake eyes? Just wondering.
@rptrcub: No photos have been altered — I even triple-checked Spitzer’s amazing frown, which was from his Wife-Displaying press conference.
And Bachmann? That’s her official photo. No shit.
@chicago bureau: I think we need a celebratory banner or tally sheet on the right hand column. Talibunny comes away with the most nominations, leaving her in pole position for the coming year.
@nojo: She’s totally Runaway Bride.
@nojo: Awesome.
ADD: Johnny Mill got the most nods. Who said he was a loser?
@nojo: This is the post that the press release hamsters have been waiting for, no?
NOJO • DOES THE QUEEN BLEND??? @¡Andrew!: Maybe you’ll find the SNL sketch!
¡ANDREW! • DOES THE QUEEN BLEND??? @jaycubed: No way am I entering that into a Google search.
JAYCUBED • DOES THE QUEEN BLEND??? All Hail King Tampon & Queen Consort Menorrhagia!
MANCHUCANDIDATE • More Awesome Political Pranks Declassify documents at random. Kill more CIA informants than Aldridge Ames just for shits and…
¡ANDREW! • DOES THE QUEEN BLEND??? @nojo: Don't forget Pizza Gaetz!
NOJO • DOES THE QUEEN BLEND??? @¡Andrew!: Facebook just put me in jail three days for plainly describing DeSantis’s actions.
¡ANDREW! • DOES THE QUEEN BLEND??? Hey Q, we found it human traffickers: it’s moRon DeathSentence and Governor Dalek.
¡ANDREW! • DOES THE QUEEN BLEND??? Is there really no way to defeat an obviously guilty defendant who went judge shopping until he…
¡ANDREW! • DOES THE QUEEN BLEND??? At least there was some good news in that Ken Starr finally croaked today. The Republinazis can…
¡ANDREW! • The Second Time as Farce I glanced at the UK news and misread the headline that their new PM is Lil’ Tuss. Figures that…