A Health Care Protest — In Song [CBS, via Rachel]

Billionaires for Wealthcare

Albert Freed, of Dog Track Road, Pensacola — no, this is not a Stan Freburg setup — was excited to win a “dream trip to Hawaii” after selling $20,000 in diet products. Mr. Freed, who weighs about 280 pounds — trust us, it’s relevant — had not indulged himself with a vacation for forty years, and the wife thought he could use a new complement of tighty whities for the occasion. But after sporting his Hanes for a few days, problems began to, um, emerge:

Plaintiff testified he believed sand that he picked up in his swim trunks while enjoying the Hawaiian surf had irritated his penis. Over the next few days he and his wife “walked all over the place” until his condition worsened to the point that he “could hardly walk.” Plaintiff testified his inability to walk was caused by defendant’s defective manufacturing of his underwear which caused his “fly” to gap open. The gap resulted in his penis protruding from his underwear, whereupon the edges of the opening abraded his penis like “sandpaper belts.”

Well, who among us (er, half of us) hasn’t been there? But Mr. Freed, rather than go commando, decided to sweat it out:

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Soupy Sales dies at 83; slapstick comic had hit TV show in 1960s [LAT]

Lest you think Grayson is auditioning to open for Al Franken — well, you might be right. Like Senator Al, Grayson is also capable of getting down to business:

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This must rate as the meanest practical joke of the year:

Friends and associates are encouraging Roger Ailes — Fox News founder, chairman and CEO — to jump into the political arena for real by running for President in 2012. “Ailes knows how to frame an issue better anybody and that’s what we need now,” says one Ailes friend who is encouraging him to run. Frank Luntz, for one, tells Playbook that Ailes could be a force if does it. “I have known Roger Ailes for 29 years,” says Luntz. “No one knows how to win better than Roger.”

There’s nothing we can do in the circumstance but play along: Yes. Oh God, yes.

Image: Pissed on Politics

Update: Mr. Ailes regrets.

State of Minnesota v. Sara Ruth Peck, opinion of the Minnesota Supreme Court, October 22 (abridged). The phrase “bong water” appears 64 times in 27 pages.

ANDERSON, G. Barry, Justice.

In this appeal we consider whether the term “mixture” applies to bong water that tests positive for the presence of a controlled substance…

Peck moved to dismiss the first-degree controlled-substance charge for lack of probable cause, arguing that as a matter of law the 37.17 grams of bong water did not constitute a “mixture” under Minn. Stat. § 152.01, subd. 9a (2008)…

On September 4, 2007, the crime lab issued a report indicating that the jar contained a “pink liquid exhibiting a fruity odor,” and that the liquid weighed 37.17 grams and tested positive for the presence of methamphetamine…

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We know we risk caning for again broaching the subject of American Public Inebriation, but when a dude pleads guilty to DWI on a motorized La-Z-Boy, well…

According to the criminal complaint, Anderson drove his motorized chair into a vehicle parked near a Proctor bar. Anderson told police he was traveling from the Keyboard Lounge after consuming approximately eight or nine beers…

Anderson claimed he was driving the chair fine until a woman jumped on it and knocked the chair off course.

Oh, shit — woman driver. Now we’re in big trouble.

But before we head to the corner for our scream-out, here are the vitals: the Laz-Z-Buggy runs atop “a converted lawnmower with a Briggs & Stratton engine,” for the gearheads among us. It boasts “a stereo, cup holders and other custom options, including different power levels.”

And it could be yours — the police have confiscated it for auction.

La-Z-Boy crash leads to DWI in Proctor [Duluth News Tribune]