• Fossil fuels cause global warming
• Access to firearms increases likelihood of injury or death
• The refrigerator light goes off when you shut the door

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• Shopping Bag of Disgracefuls
• Cat Carrier of Disreputables
• Fanny Pack of Dreadfuls

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Matthew Bennell: [dials his phone] I’ll get the police.

Telephone Operator: [voice] Police.

Matthew Bennell: Officer, I’d like to report four bodies in my backyard.

Telephone Operator: Wait right there Mr. Bennell.

Matthew Bennell: How do you know my name?

Jack Bellicec: [Jack’s eyes widen with fear] Hang up, Matthew.

Matthew Bennell: [into the phone] I didn’t tell you my name.

Jack Bellicec: Hang up!

Matthew Bennell: [hangs up the phone] I didn’t tell them my name!

Nancy Bellicec: That’s because they’re all part of it. They’re all pods, all of them!

Trump’s Millennial Outreach Backfires With Jokes and Memes [Hollywood Reporter]

Gene Wilder, ‘Willy Wonka’ Star and Comedic Icon, Dies at 83 [Variety]

Title: “In Trump We Trust: E Pluribus Awesome!”

Author: Ann Coulter

Rank: 100

Quote: “There’s nothing Trump can do that won’t be forgiven. Except change his immigration policies.”

Published: Tuesday

Time Trump Changed His Immigration Policies: Tuesday night

Sample Tuesday Night Ann Coulter Tweet: “Well, if it’s ‘hard,’ then nevermind. Trump: ‘… to take a person who’s been here for 15 or 20 years ….It’s a very, very hard thing.'”

Customers Also Bought: Lies, lies, lies.

In Trump We Trust [Amazon]

Over the past long, long year, we’ve seen various forms of a recurring thought: Donald Trump can’t be serious.

He’s doing it for the publicity. He’s a devious Hillary trickster. He wants to launch a new cable channel. He never planned to win, and then he won, and now he’s trying as hard as he can to lose, because no serious candidate could possibly be this awful.

It’s The Candidate meets The Producers.

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When you headline your article “Yes, You Can Train Your Cat”, you have our attention. Not because we’re seeking ways to train cats, and not that we dispute that it’s possible to undermine a cat’s very nature by treating it like a common dog, but that it’s an abomination against Creation itself to even consider the idea.

Not unlike Donald Trump’s abomination suggesting that the nice Black citizens of Pennsylvania may stuff ballot boxes, but that’s a pretty pro forma abomination coming from him, so we’ll ignore it.

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