“Well, I think they should attack things like that…. with satire. I mean, Ned Sherrin. Fair’s fair. I think people should be able to make up their own minds for me.” [“Pepperpot,” Python, Monty; Book I, Chapter 5.]
Premises: Americans love violence. (See, e.g., Eastwood movies, Schwarzenegger movies, the NFL, the NHL (1917-2013), etc.) Americans also love (a) guns and (b) sport. (See id.) Americans also love games of chance. (See, e.g., Powerball, Las Vegas, etc.) Americans particularly love television shows where unknown people can theoretically win something. (See, e.g., game shows, reality TV, etc.) Indeed, Americans love any television show on which one might appear (see, e.g., signs held up at sporting events where the broadcasting network’s initials are featured); this holds even for shows on which people might not actually like to appear, but provide some sort of thrill anyway (see, e.g., “Cops,” “The Maury Povich Show,” etc.). And Americans’ love for things grows exponentially when combined. (See, e.g., value meals, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, etc.)
TOTALLY NECESSARY CONCLUSION: The next mass-shooting must be the subject of a nationwide lottery, so that the location, and the specific victims, are determined in advance — and so that said town, and said victims, can be made the subject of a reality television series in the run-up to the actual tragedy, and the subject of post-event television specials, telethons, and all other kinds of opportunities to be on television, in ways that will allow the maximum amount of public sympathy to result, and that will allow the maximum number of people to royally cash in.
The benefits are obvious. But they are explained anyway, after the jump.
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